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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 78402--------------------------------------------------
Is This a Thing?
By: BeagleMommy Date: January 17, 2023, 11:18 am
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Background: My oldest niece (ON) will be getting married in
October. Her MOH was going to be a young woman with whom she's
been friends since high school, Corrine. Corrine was supposed
to get married soon after ON but some health issues crept up
with her fiance so her wedding is postponed indefinitely.
Corrine has been helping ON with the wedding planning all along.
When ON went to look for her gown she went to a small, local
bridal shop and was told to only bring 3 people with her since
the shop was so small. ON invited her mother (SIL), my mother,
and he younger sister (YN) who is also a bridesmaid. She found
a beautiful dress and posted it on her Facebook. End background
Corrine called her in tears asking how she could exclude her
from the dress shopping. ON explained why she could only have
had three people and that she would have liked to invite Corrine
and me but space was limited so she invited only the three she
was closest to.
Corrine's response was "Well, you never officially asked me to
be a bridesmaid anyway so I won't be there". ON questioned this
because Corrine was involved in a lot of the planning.
Apparently, according to Corrine, you are supposed to give those
you want as bridesmaids a "Bridesmaid's Box" to officially ask
them to be a bridesmaid. Corrine gave one of these to ON. It
was a fancy wrapped box full of trinkets and because ON did not
give one to Corrine it made ON rude.
I had never heard of a Bridesmaid's Box. Is this a real thing
or something Corrine made on her own?
#Post#: 78404--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: Hmmm Date: January 17, 2023, 11:27 am
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I've heard of the Bride's maid box but as far as I know it is
not a requirement and is a fairly new trend. It's the same
generational think where a guy couldn't just ask a girl to prom
(or in my DD's case, 8th grade dance) but had to make some type
of production out of it.
As far as I know, the only real gift required is a gift to each
wedding party attendant closest to the wedding.
#Post#: 78411--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: oogyda Date: January 17, 2023, 2:17 pm
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It's not "a thing" unless you make it one, and apparently
Corrine has made it one. Since she was never "officially asked
to be a bridesmaid", maybe ON is lucky to have escaped having
Corrine in her wedding party.
#Post#: 78413--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: Aleko Date: January 18, 2023, 1:33 am
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[quote]As far as I know, the only real gift required is a gift
to each wedding party attendant closest to the wedding.[/quote]
Same here: and I wish I thought this box idea was simply a
change in timing of the attendants’ presents. But no, it appears
from a quick Google that this is an extra requirement for a box
of sparkly tat, with a substantial present still required at or
around the wedding itself.
When I first read this I thought it was an outrageous new
demand, but then the financial and other obligations of
bridesmaids in the USA are so much more onerous than in the UK
that I can see how it might well be a smart move to produce a
sweetener when asking a friend to take them on.
#Post#: 78415--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 18, 2023, 7:30 am
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Ugh... I'm sorry for the rant, but I'm growing tired of these
things growing out of control. It used to be that you could
simply ask someone to the prom and that was exciting enough. You
used to be able to just tell people the gender of your baby and
they would be thrilled. And you used to be able to just ask your
best friend to be your MOH and that was honor enough. Don't get
me wrong, it's lovely if someone does something a little extra,
but it shouldn't be necessary or expected.
I have heard of the Bridesmaid's Box, but I don't think that's
what makes things official. To me, it sounds like Corrine was
hurt that she didn't make the wedding dress shopping cut. That's
understandable; I think that any of us would be disappointed
that we didn't get to see our best friend try on gowns. But
unfortunately, I think that she's handling this poorly. It
sounds like she has a lot going on in her life, so I would
probably advise ON to give her a little grace. I might not bow
to her demands of a Bridesmaid's Box, but I might suggest that
she find a way to express what a special friend that she is.
#Post#: 78417--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: Rose Red Date: January 18, 2023, 9:48 am
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I never heard of a bridesmaid box and googled it. So now we are
suppose to give a gift when asking someone to be a bridesmaid??
Isn't a nice thank you gift right before the wedding enough?
Looks like the wedding industry is running out of ideas to
generate $$$ and looks like some brides/bridesmaids are falling
for it hook, line, and sinker. And of course there are special
boxes and gifts already prettily pre-printed/arranged. Some of
them are around $100.00 or more :o
I'm glad I'm too old for this drama. If I ever get married and
want a bridesmaid, I'll just ask without a big production. Maybe
ask during lunch between friends but that's it.
#Post#: 78422--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 18, 2023, 11:07 am
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A thought. What if you didn't want to be a bridesmaid? One
really doesn't need a reason to decline, but I can think of
plenty of good ones. So this bride presents you with this
expensive personalized box and now there is extra pressure to
accept.
#Post#: 78424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: Aleko Date: January 18, 2023, 11:46 am
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[quote]A thought. What if you didn't want to be a bridesmaid?
One really doesn't need a reason to decline, but I can think of
plenty of good ones. So this bride presents you with this
expensive personalized box and now there is extra pressure to
accept.[/quote]
I hadn't thought of that but of course you're dead right. |t's a
bit like proposing marriage to someone publicly (like the guy a
few years ago who had his proposal announced over the PA system
at a baseball game); you're really making it hard for them to
say 'Sorry, no, I really don't feel like it.'
#Post#: 78426--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: Hmmm Date: January 18, 2023, 3:46 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2454.msg78422#msg78422
date=1674061656]
A thought. What if you didn't want to be a bridesmaid? One
really doesn't need a reason to decline, but I can think of
plenty of good ones. So this bride presents you with this
expensive personalized box and now there is extra pressure to
accept.
[/quote]
I did a google search to see how prevalent they had become. That
was actually an issue that was brought up. There was even one
bride saying she wanted to have personalized gifts but was
concerned it would put too much pressure on her friends to say
yes. So at least that one bride was thinking about it from her
friends' point of views.
#Post#: 78428--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This a Thing?
By: Buffalogal Date: January 18, 2023, 5:39 pm
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I'm thinking this has little to nothing to do with the
bridesmaids box and more to do with Corrine feeling
unappreciated. The OP says she has been helping with the
planning from the beginning even though her own plans have had
to be put on hold. So she has been working through her own
disappointment to help her friend get the wedding she wants and
then gets left out of one of the major fun parts of the process
without even being told ahead of time. I think the bride has
been taking her friend for granted and got called on it and the
bridesmaids box provided a way for Corrine to bow out.
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