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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 78268--------------------------------------------------
Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: ZekailleTasker Date: January 3, 2023, 6:00 pm
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Cutting to the chase: a couple days ago, I was trying to find a
parking spot close to the restaurant I needed to get to. The
parking lot was full, so I went across the street to park there.
As I was pulling in, another car slid past me and into one of
two empty parking spaces. (Car A) A young couple got out and
headed across the street to the restaurant. They parked over
the line, but the car on the lefthand side (Car B) of the
parking space I was aiming for had also parked a bit over their
line, so the space was easy enough for me to get into.
Except it was an awkward angle I had to go in on and--that's
right--I bumped the front fender into the back quarter panel,
specifically the part that extends out and over and around the
tire. Honestly, it was a tap, but it was loud enough to be
heard, so I stopped, backed up and slid into the space. The
young couple were not quite across the street and they heard the
bump. I was getting out of my car, trying to call them back,
but they were on their way back to me. I was apologetic,
smiled, tried to offer my hand, etc. They wouldn't speak to me.
The two of them were nose to metal with the spot I seemingly
hit. There was no dent, not a scratch, not even a streak of
paint from MY car. They checked the bumpers--both sides which
made no sense. The wife finally turned to me and indicated my
front fender.
"Did THAT happen when you hit my car?"
Here's the thing: the front bumper of my car is popped up on
either side, thanks to the efforts of a city snowplow that
basically shoved me into a snow drift eight years ago. BOTH
sides of the front bumper now pop free occasionally and I
usually just use my knee or my foot to pop it back into place.
It doesn't stick way out, an inch at the most. The city will
not help with stuff like this and when I went to get an
estimate--eight years ago--I was quoted several thousand dollars
to replace. So--I knee it back into place or smoosh it back
into place with my foot and it stays there until the next time I
hit a pot hole or someone's baseball bounces off the side. I
briefly said "No, that's the fault of the--" "All right! Well,
it doesn't LOOK as if you did any damage, but give my husband
your phone number, just in case we see some later."
You bet I took pictures of that car.
So I give her husband my number and he texts me his and we all
head across the street to the restaurant. I found my way to my
party, rather in a now tense frame of mind and body, (it had
been a tough holiday weekend and I was really in No Mood).
Since I was shaking, I told my friends what had happened and I
admit my voice was more than catching and breaking over this.
"I just feel like the universe is against me these days. I
can't seem to get out of my own way. for every two steps
forward, I take three back Etc, etc, etc...." I needed to vent
to get it off my chest, I was just soooo peeved about yet
another bad thing happening over the holiday.
THEN, to my horror, I see a hand come up from the table behind
my friends' and the HUSBAND of the couple whose car I hit, calls
over a waiter and asks for another table, then stalks off with
the waitress.
By then I was calmer and I considered that perhaps I should buy
them lunch. That didn't happen because our waitress was slower
than death struck with a club. Yes, the place was busy, but a
twenty five minute wait, even after we asked about her, was a
bit much. Then I just felt annoyed that they were so--chilly.
I have been rear ended, hit from the side and so forth and I
make it a point to calm the other person, tell them not to
worry, make small talk, etc. These two were--I cannot tell you
how cold and hostile they were. I get it, I hit their car. But
there was NO damage. None. Nothing. It looked fresh and
glowing and much better than my older car with all the dings and
dents that come from working in a place where the kids play
softball nearby or park their behinds on the front end of back
end of strangers' cars to chat.
And I cannot express just how annoyed I was that Mr. Chilly got
all upset that I was sitting with my friends, telling about what
happened and how it was the silver shot on the icing on the
birthday cake. I'm not allowed to explain to friends why I'm
upset? Again, sure, he's upset about his damage free car,
seriously--NOTHING wrong with it. And if there was something
wrong with it, my insurance will pay for it.
It left a bad taste, cast a pall over the festivities and the
only thing that snapped me out of my funk was a friend from the
past turning up to say "Hi" before I left.
So, here's the question. I still have Mr. and Mrs. Coldness'
phone number on my text page. Would it be weird to text them
and ask if they took the car to a mechanic to have it looked at?
Would I be giving them ideas? Or should I just hang on to the
phone number and wait to see if they ever contact me? I'm going
to be retiring in June and I don't want anything hanging over me
like a black banner of doom.
#Post#: 78270--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: Jem Date: January 3, 2023, 7:44 pm
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I am so sorry this happened to you! I recommend that you do
absolutely nothing.
#Post#: 78271--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: peony Date: January 3, 2023, 7:59 pm
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I think offering any other suggestions or help at this point
would give them the idea that you are admitting you damaged
their car, when there wasn't any. I agree with Jem to let well
enough alone. I'm sorry this happened to you--maybe the couple
has a lot of stressors in their life and are taking it out on
you. That's no excuse, of course, but perhaps an explanation.
#Post#: 78273--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: Wanaca Date: January 3, 2023, 8:07 pm
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I'd leave it alone. If he has a problem, the insurance company
will deal with it. It seems obvious that they do not wish to
talk with you about this. I'd let it go.
#Post#: 78276--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 4, 2023, 5:31 am
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Agreed. You do nothing further.
You are responsible for any damages to their car. You took care
of that already. Everyone examined the vehicles and nothing was
found. And you provided your number so if the couple does find
something, you can still what is needed.
However, you are not responsible for their emotions over the
situation. Having your car bumped into is upsetting. Maybe they
could have treated you more warmly, but really they are only
required to be polite in this situation. Overall, it sounds like
they were mostly polite even if they were quite icy. It stinks
for you as we all want our mistakes accepted in this world with
a hug, but that was not their responsibility. And just like they
are not responsible for your feelings; you are not responsible
for theirs. It is not your job to make them feel better about
this situation. They have to choose that they want to feel
differently and work towards that. There is really nothing more
you can offer to adjust their emotions and again, that's not
your responsibility anyways.
Someone above mentioned that it's possible that they may be
having a rough time right now. Your little bump might have come
at the end of a month of constant disasters and their
frustration may have had nothing to do with you, but rather the
string of things going wrong. Or maybe they are simply awful,
grumpy, negative folks. Either way, this is no longer about
them, but about you. Let your guilt go. We have all made this
same mistake and you owe it to yourself to forgive yourself. It
sounds like you have wonderful friends who want to listen and
support you, so I am glad that they were there to do so. And if
that bothered the couple to witness you getting a venting
session, then good for them for finding another table. But that
doesn't mean that what you did was wrong; in fact, it was
healthy to talk about it with friends.
I am sorry that life is piling on to you right now. I hope it
gives you a break. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself!
#Post#: 78277--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: ZekailleTasker Date: January 4, 2023, 2:08 pm
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Don't remember who said it, but they were right: we are all
the stars of our own dramas.
I'm whining because the accident happened at the end of a bad
week and month and year. But I forget that they might have had
something similar happen. As I think of it, neither of them
looked particularly happy with each other at the moment.
Part of my problem is: I want everything to be fine and everyone
to be happy. And I try to follow thru on that. I'm the crazy
woman who pays for the meal of the person behind me in line at
McDonald's (which will not be happening for the better part of
2023 as I am determined to save money and lose weight!). Or, I
am the person who will let you go ahead of me if you only have
one item.
After a teen hit the back bumper of my old (and very cursed)
Honda at a stop sign I had to promise her I wasn't kidding when
I said no damage had been done (not a dent in sight) and she
should go get a milkshake then go home and relax. And she was
so relieved I wanted to cry for her: first time she had been
allowed to take her parents' car out on her own. She threw her
arms around me in one of the most grateful hugs ever. In
another instance, a young man who had just had his car's tires
replaced, got into trouble when one of the tires flew off,
rolled across the road and right into my front bumper. It ****
the bumper in a place I couldn't see, but at his behest, I took
the car to several places to get an estimate. All of the
mechanics told me the same A) You can drive the car forever and
the crack will not cause problems and B) But if you are
concerned about the cosmetics, we can fix it for $6000. I drove
that car for fifteen years with a **** bumper I couldn't see and
the young man (who had just become a Dad for the first time)
donated $100 to my favorite charity because, he said, he had to
do SOMETHING.
I've had other, less fun, interactions--that particular car made
me feel like Stephanie Plum, whose cars are always being blown
up, crushed or otherwise obliterated.
I guess it is a "me" issue, as I always struggle to treat people
the way I want to be treated. (Okay, most of the time. There
have been a few instances where I considered ripping the other
person's head off and drinking their blood ;D). Even when I am
at the end of a string of horrors, I am usually feeling for the
other person and want them to be comfortable. I forget that not
everyone feels that way or that they have their own demons they
are fighting. My demons, over the years, have mellowed me
considerably so that, at age 68, I remember how it felt to be a
scared teen involved in a first time fender bender. But not
everyone's demons work that way and I need to keep that in mind.
Have not yet heard from the Chill Couple, so I am guessing all
is good.
Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful replies!
P.S.: Apparently I can use the word "crack" but I cannot use it
with an "-ed" on the end of it as that apparently turns it into
a back word.
#Post#: 78281--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 4, 2023, 6:19 pm
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Please don't think that there is anything wrong with you. You
are what is right with this world. I wish you could have hit
your own car, as I think you would have been much kinder than
these folks.
It's quite possible that the couple ended their bad day and
awoke to a new one feeling perfectly fine about everything. For
what it's worth, it sounds so minor that this won't even be
something that they remember with time.
I will never understand why life always seems to continue to
pile on all at once. I do hope that this signals the end of your
bad week/month/year.
#Post#: 78301--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
By: LifeOnPluto Date: January 6, 2023, 10:50 pm
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I have very little sympathy for this couple. Yeah, you hit their
car. But they parked over the line! Plus, they ideally should
have waited until you'd completely finished parking, before
parking their own car. (It sounds like they were behind you, and
basically overtook you to zip into their spot, thus making it
harder for you to park).
If this had happened to me, and they'd started being chilly and
snarky, I would have politely told them to '"learn to park
better"!
I agree with everyone else, in that you shouldn't do anything.
And don't beat yourself up over it. This couple sounds like
complete tools, quite frankly. I hope 2023 is a better year for
you.
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