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#Post#: 78106--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: NyaChan Date: December 17, 2022, 1:12 pm
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Sorry, week got away from me - Gellchom, you are right that a
lot of this comes from my own anxiety. I’ve never been a
go with the flow type of person to begin with, but I’ve
been dealing with significant issues over the past two years at
work and hit near-total burnout. I didn’t need medical
care but it was a close thing. While I’ve been practicing
to get past the fear, I totaled my car last year in December and
I’m scared at night and at high speeds to drive. I might
have toughed it out but the not knowing is making it even worse
- 10 guests means just my sister’s in laws who are pretty
polite. 50 guests means my mom’s family who I’ve
successfully avoided for almost 10 years now because they tend
to look down on me for religious and physical reasons. I
didn’t really touch on those things in my post because my
family doesn’t know that I’m in that bad of shape
and I don’t want to tell them.
I was trying to see how “bad” I’d look if I
didn’t go and a part of me was hoping the lack of
organization for the event might give me a pass. You are also
right STiG in that, I really love those kids and I’m angry
at myself that I’m going to miss out on an event for them.
But as of yet, even my parents haven’t booked a hotel
because there hasn’t been a decision on where or even if
the party is happening. It’s entirely possible that
they’ll decide to do nothing at the last minute. When I
take all the circumstances into consideration, it’s just
too much for one lunch.
STiG: my parents about 16 hours, or a 2-3 hr flight away from
the location. They would be traveling anyways though as they
want to attend a wedding ceremony and give condolences in person
to someone. So I’d have to travel separately and they
haven’t booked a room yet because they aren’t sure
where they’ll need to be. My dad says hotels are easy to
get around New Years so he isn’t worried. Otherwise
they’d stay with family.
#Post#: 78107--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: Gellchom Date: December 17, 2022, 4:45 pm
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Oh, NyaChan, I'm so sorry you're going through so much! The
anxiety, some "significant issues" that you didn't (and
absolutely don't need to) specify, the accident, new anxieties
about driving, religious and other issues with your extended
family. It really does sound overwhelming. I can see why you
would want to find a way to make it all be "about" some
logistical issues, to give yourself an excuse and perhaps even
just not to think about the rest.
It sounds like right now maybe whether or not you attend this
event is really the least of it. I hope that you find some
peace soon and that perhaps being able to vent a bit here helps
a little. We are all here for you!
My advice still stands: You do not have to go, but if you want
to be there, then don't let things like your parents' hotel
plans stop you. What would you do about accommodations if they
weren't coming at all? You'd book your own hotel (asking your
sister for suggestions or at least neighborhood) or stay with a
friend or a relative. Transportation and other issues, ditto --
you know the options.
So decide first WHAT YOU WANT. Then you will know what to do
about everything.
Good luck to you! We are in your corner.
#Post#: 78108--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: STiG Date: December 17, 2022, 5:46 pm
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I've read that flipping a coin can help you decide. Heads, I'll
go; tails, I won't. And as it is flipping in the air, note
which way you are hoping to coin will land. That tells you how
you really feel about the situation.
#Post#: 78112--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: Aleko Date: December 18, 2022, 4:55 am
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[quote]I've read that flipping a coin can help you decide.
Heads, I'll go; tails, I won't. And as it is flipping in the
air, note which way you are hoping to coin will land. That
tells you how you really feel about the situation.[/quote]
My experience is that this certainly works, but actually in the
opposite way: when you toss the coin you don’t know what you
want, but as soon as it lands you know if you feel pleased or
disappointed.
#Post#: 78125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 19, 2022, 5:48 am
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Nyachan, from what you've described, this trip does sound rather
daunting and stressful.
That said, it sounds like it would mean a lot to your sister and
parents if you were to attend. It also sounds like there might
be some cultural pressure? Personally, I'd make a genuine effort
to at least check out flights and hotels. Unless they were way
out of my budget, I'd seriously consider attending. With the
hotel, I'd just get one in the CBD, and catch an Uber (or taxi,
etc) to wherever the party was going to be. That way, you can
avoid driving on potentially icy roads.
Also, as other posters have said, there's no reason you have to
sit in your hotel room twiddling your thumbs for two days. It's
a city - surely there must be some other attractions that you
can visit while in town? Museums? Boutique shops? Funky rooftop
bar?
If you do end up not attending, would it be possible for you to
do a Zoom call with your family, and your sister's in-laws,
during the party?
#Post#: 78507--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: happychick Date: January 25, 2023, 9:31 pm
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Nyachan, since it is almost February, what ended up happening
with the party and did you end up attending?
#Post#: 78654--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this typical or am I uptight?
By: Gellchom Date: February 4, 2023, 4:36 pm
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[quote author=happychick link=topic=2435.msg78507#msg78507
date=1674703883]
Nyachan, since it is almost February, what ended up happening
with the party and did you end up attending?
[/quote]
I’m wondering, too, and I hope things are going better for
NyaChan.
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