DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 78062--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: Hmmm Date: December 13, 2022, 8:24 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=2434.msg78039#msg78039
date=1670777518]
The whole experience sounds so tone deaf. Sue is teaching Billy
to grow up and become the guy who gives his non-bowling wife a
bowling ball for Christmas. Bad enough when a clueless adult
does it, but so much worse when you have been raised to be that
way.
[/quote]
I agree with this so much. And other thoughts
1. Sue is thoughtless to use a gift to you as a "teachable"
moment for Billie. She should use the upcoming Christmas holiday
gift giving season for him to pick out inappropriate gifts for
her, her husband and her wonderful parents.
2. I sort think it was either a gift Billie received that was
either a duplicate or one she thought Billie was yet to be able
to use and she decided the teachable moment would be giving it
away to you. What reasonable mother takes a child to a toy store
to pick out a gift for an adult woman who has never expressed an
interest in toys?
I'd donate the toy to an organization collecting them. I'd even
write a thank you note to Sue and tell her the gift made
wonderful donation to XYZ. I mean it's not like she would
really expect you to save it.
#Post#: 78065--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: TootsNYC Date: December 13, 2022, 8:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I have to get a gift for a 5yo boy, and I'm feeling stumped.
What was the toy? Maybe that'll give me a good gift idea.
#Post#: 78066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: TootsNYC Date: December 13, 2022, 8:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
yeah, in terms of teaching Billy, I think Sue missed the mark by
not coaching him to think of you.
And so it makes the entire thing feel like it was about Billy
and not you.
Though there is this:
My mom once told me that sometimes we give gifts that we think
are neat as a way to share something of ourselves with the other
person.
So if we're giving food, and we don't have a really obvious
thing to use when choosing, we give something WE like eating. My
son and my husband each did this with my aunt last year; we were
stumped on good gift ideas, so I suggested they choose a food
they like and write a note about why they like it and how they
eat it. My husband put his recipe for the chile sauce he uses,
and my son wrote a note about how he likes to pour the cheese
sauce on his burritos and nachos.
My aunt really liked it. She reported back on how she'd used
them, and said that she really liked them. And I know that she
liked thinking of the gift givers when she used the food.
Sometimes we give a reader a book we read and liked.
I've given grownups small Lego sets along with the note that
"everybody of any age deserves a toy a Christmas" (though it's
usually along with something less whimsical).
Not that I think this is explicitly what was meant; I think if
Billy had spent more time explaining why this toy was so fun,
LifeOnPluto might have been a bit more charmed at the idea that
a 6yo thinks grownups should get on the floor with the tow truck
and enjoy themselves.
#Post#: 78067--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: TootsNYC Date: December 13, 2022, 9:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=2434.msg78039#msg78039
date=1670777518]
The whole experience sounds so tone deaf. Sue is teaching Billy
to grow up and become the guy who gives his non-bowling wife a
bowling ball for Christmas. Bad enough when a clueless adult
does it, but so much worse when you have been raised to be that
way.
[/quote]
well, he's only 6, so there's plenty of time!
Not that Sue inspires a lot of confidence, but there's still
time.
#Post#: 78076--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 14, 2022, 5:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2434.msg78066#msg78066
date=1670943574]
yeah, in terms of teaching Billy, I think Sue missed the mark by
not coaching him to think of you.
And so it makes the entire thing feel like it was about Billy
and not you.
Though there is this:
My mom once told me that sometimes we give gifts that we think
are neat as a way to share something of ourselves with the other
person.
So if we're giving food, and we don't have a really obvious
thing to use when choosing, we give something WE like eating. My
son and my husband each did this with my aunt last year; we were
stumped on good gift ideas, so I suggested they choose a food
they like and write a note about why they like it and how they
eat it. My husband put his recipe for the chile sauce he uses,
and my son wrote a note about how he likes to pour the cheese
sauce on his burritos and nachos.
My aunt really liked it. She reported back on how she'd used
them, and said that she really liked them. And I know that she
liked thinking of the gift givers when she used the food.
Sometimes we give a reader a book we read and liked.
I've given grownups small Lego sets along with the note that
"everybody of any age deserves a toy a Christmas" (though it's
usually along with something less whimsical).
Not that I think this is explicitly what was meant; I think if
Billy had spent more time explaining why this toy was so fun,
LifeOnPluto might have been a bit more charmed at the idea that
a 6yo thinks grownups should get on the floor with the tow truck
and enjoy themselves.
[/quote]
Toots, you make some great points. I also agree that gifts tell
you a lot about the giver. I've often made a note of things
people have given me, and used it as insight into what gifts I
give them in return. (For example, someone who gives me a lot of
eclectic books is probably someone who'll enjoy a quirky new
novel themselves, etc).
And it's funny, in some ways I feel that if it had been any
other child who gave me the toy, I probably would have been
charmed! But because it's the latest in a long line of "Sue and
Billy episodes", I'm decidedly less charmed. I guess I'm getting
a little tired of our friendship these days being totally on
Sue's (and by extension, Billy's) terms. For example, as I
mentioned in my other post, Sue always lets Billy decide where
we are going to catch up (and it's usually the playground, or
Sue's house). Whenever I suggest catching up at say, a cafe, it
"won't work" because "Billy gets bored at cafes". I totally get
that Sue's priorities have changed since she became a mum, and
of course her children should absolutely come first! But none of
my other parent-friends seem to be this extreme when it comes to
their kids.
It's not even about the gift itself - I would have much
preferred to have received just a card, or nothing at all! It's
more the principle of the thing.
#Post#: 78077--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: Wanaca Date: December 14, 2022, 8:26 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps in a few months, it would be a good time to suggest
stopping gift exchanges. That would take care of the present
problem, but not the rest of the issues.
#Post#: 78324--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: BeagleMommy Date: January 9, 2023, 1:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
When we were teaching BeagleBoy about giving gifts we started
with his grandmother.
I told him "Remember, Nanny is a grown up so we are not buying
toys for her. You need to choose something a grown up lady
would like". He chose a bottle of perfume.
Billy is the perfect age to be taught this.
#Post#: 78387--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: jpcher Date: January 15, 2023, 8:22 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree with BeagleMommy and a lot of other posts about a
teaching moment, giving an age appropriate gift.
However, I do think that there might be times when gifting an
adult a toy could turn out to be a wonderful thing.
My Oma (DDs great grandmother) got it into her head one day to
throw a tea party for my DDs (ages 4&6). DDs got dressed up in
their finery, I coached them on using their best manners, "This
is a fancy occasion!" DDs were excited.
Oma made tea cakes, finger sandwiches, set the table with a
white lace tablecloth . . . and her fine china.
While a good time was had by all, I did cringe a bit every time
one of those big (for little hands) tea cups hit the saucer a
little too rough.
So we gifted Oma a toy tea set. Not a cheapy plastic one, one of
a higher quality, but one that the DDs could easily handle. Oma
was overjoyed. She even started asking the DDs to help prepare
the tea party (making tiny cookies, setting the table, etc.)
That tea set was used quite often, not only with my DDs but with
Oma's other great grandchildren as well.
Other toy-type gifts that would be appropriate for a child to
give an adult would be some sort of child-aged craft or game.
Something that the child (gifter) and adult (giftee) could work
on with each other.
More of a gift of time spent together.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page