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#Post#: 78026--------------------------------------------------
Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 10, 2022, 8:06 am
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Hi all,
It's been a while since I started a new thread, but recently
something happened which got me flummoxed. The other day, I
caught up with my friend "Sue" and her six year old son "Billy".
For background information, Sue is a dear friend, but also the
type of parent who lets her child make a lot of the decisions.
(For example, when it's Sue's birthday, Billy gets to chose what
they all eat for dinner).
Sue kindly gave me a Christmas present, which she said Billy
helped pick out. When I opened it, and without going into too
much specific detail, it was a child's toy, for ages 9+.
A couple of things to note here:
- I have never expressed any interest in this toy whatsoever
(I'm not an adult collector or anything); and
- Billy LOVES playing with a more junior version of this toy.
I made sure to smile and thank Billy and Sue warmly for the
gift. But when Billy was off playing, I quietly asked Sue
whether Billy would like this toy (notwithstanding it was for
ages 9+), and offered to "donate it back" to Billy. However, Sue
refused, saying that she wanted to teach Billy the importance of
giving gifts, and the fact that not every gift will be for Billy
(even if it's something Billy wouldn't mind having himself).
So, now I'm left with this child's toy, that I honestly have no
use for (I don't have kids myself, and my only niece is 20 years
old!). I'll probably end up donating it, or giving it away to a
colleague's child of appropriate age or something. I honestly
found the whole situation baffling, and am now wondering whether
there's a better way I could have handled it. Was it rude of me
to offer the gift back? Or conversely, should I have insisted
harder to Sue that Billy have it?
I'd really be grateful for people's thoughts on this one! I'm
not a parent, so perhaps there's something I'm not understanding
here? I'm all for giving kids teachable moments, but this whole
situation just seemed so odd to me!
(For completeness, and in case anyone is wondering, I also gave
Sue a gift. It was some festive biscuits that she, Billy, and
her husband could all enjoy).
#Post#: 78027--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: Rose Red Date: December 10, 2022, 8:31 am
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It sounds like she's trying to teach Billy about giving but
forgot to teach him to pick out a gift the giftee might enjoy,
but maybe she tried and he insisted. He's only six so I'll give
him a few years. I still remember the weird stuff I gave at that
age and thinking they were the best, LOL.
Don't insist on giving it back. It would hurt me as an adult, so
it may be more hurtful to a child having his gift rejected.
Donate or re-gift after an appropriate amount of time as passed.
#Post#: 78028--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: Rain Date: December 10, 2022, 8:40 am
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Are there "angel trees" in your area? Donate there if
possible.
#Post#: 78029--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: SpikeMichigan Date: December 10, 2022, 9:00 am
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The same Sue who banned her recently widowed MIL from Christmas
lunch a while back and refused point blank to compromise? The
names seem familiar……
Putting that aside, I guess unless she comes to your house often
and is the type to question where her present ended up, just
donate it! This seems like the sort of thing a parent would find
extra cute and the cuteness is lost on a non-parent.
#Post#: 78030--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: sms Date: December 10, 2022, 11:33 am
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I wouldn't know what to make of that either, I would be
wondering if I'm missing something.
It seems like a forced teaching moment if that's what it was, in
hindsight maybe a better and more natural "teaching moment"
would have been to try to get Billy to consider what other
people might best enjoy. That sure doesn't seem to have
happened here. I could be way out to lunch but it seems like
Sue really wanted Billy to see someone else get a gift he wanted
and.... lucky you!
It isn't normal for adults to get child's toys if they aren't
some type of collector. You thanked them kindly but I don't see
an etiquette "fail" for not knowing if you were reading it
right.
#Post#: 78031--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: Rho Date: December 10, 2022, 10:14 pm
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Donate it, exchange it if you can.
What if they had gifted you a purple scarf and you loath purple?
What if they had gifted you a photographic calendar for next
year but you already have two? Sometimes gifts are painful to
receive.
#Post#: 78033--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 11, 2022, 3:20 am
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[quote author=SpikeMichigan link=topic=2434.msg78029#msg78029
date=1670684403]
The same Sue who banned her recently widowed MIL from Christmas
lunch a while back and refused point blank to compromise? The
names seem familiar……
[/quote]
Yes, same Sue! I'd forgotten all about that thread, and have
just updated it!
[quote author=Rho link=topic=2434.msg78031#msg78031
date=1670732075]
Donate it, exchange it if you can.
What if they had gifted you a purple scarf and you loath purple?
What if they had gifted you a photographic calendar for next
year but you already have two? Sometimes gifts are painful to
receive.
[/quote]
It wasn't painful to receive, just baffling! The thing with a
purple scarf or a photographic calendar is that they are
plausible gifts for adults. But this was clearly a child's toy
where the target audience is NOT a nearly middle-aged woman like
myself!
Anyway, UPDATE: I caught up with my cousin and his 5 year old
son today, so happily re-gifted the toy to him! (I won't tell
Sue, of course!).
#Post#: 78039--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: December 11, 2022, 10:51 am
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The whole experience sounds so tone deaf. Sue is teaching Billy
to grow up and become the guy who gives his non-bowling wife a
bowling ball for Christmas. Bad enough when a clueless adult
does it, but so much worse when you have been raised to be that
way.
#Post#: 78040--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: Lula Date: December 11, 2022, 10:53 am
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Well, aren't you going to give Billy a Christmas present? How
about a bottle of your favorite liquor?
#Post#: 78060--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend gave me a child's toy as a gift, and things got weird
By: DaDancingPsych Date: December 13, 2022, 5:22 am
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Even if Sue meant this to be a teachable moment, she thought of
Billy before she thought of you. Sure, in most cases, a mother
should put her child before a friend, but not when purchasing
the friend a gift. You know Sue better than I do, but to me
she's coming across as the friend who can't see past herself and
her family.
Usually when a gift misses the mark, my advice is to accept it
gratefully and then figure out what to do it later. But to me
this is different than receiving the wrong color blouse or an
undesired coffee flavor. The gift lacks so much thought that it
almost becomes insulting (hence the baffle that I think that you
are feeling.) I probably would still not have offered to return
to Billy, but I am disappointed that Sue does not seem to
understand that her gift lacked thought... you were really not
thought of when purchasing.
In the larger picture, I would probably simply move on and not
give this one incident too much more thought. However, my guess
is that Sue's tunnel vision probably causes tension in your
friendship in other ways. I think that you need to decide if
it's bothersome enough to want to address it or simply just side
step it.
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