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#Post#: 77375--------------------------------------------------
Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: Victoria
Date: October 11, 2022, 1:27 pm
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This year I traveled to visit a friend of mine for the first
time. I know him well, from our conversations he sounded as
clean and fastidious as I am, and so I was comfortable visiting.
However, when I got there I realized that in order to save
water, he keeps a bucket in his sink to catch water. He will
wash his hands over the bucket and then wash dishes (including
the dog's dishes) in the bucket and add more soap to it. He also
doesn't rinse his dishes after he wipes them down with soapy
water. A couple of times I had to get new glassware because of
the mildewy smell, which he attributed to them "not being used
in awhile." I also noticed that he regularly fed the dog off of
normal dishes he ate off of, so the dog didn't have a dedicated
bowl.
At the time I honestly wasn't sure what to do or if I should say
something, so I stayed a couple of days and was just silently
grossed out. I was in a foreign country where I couldn't drive
or get UberEats and at the time, the option was to eat what was
put in front of me or wait to eat the next day when we could
drive 10 miles to the grocery store. (And no, there are no
cultural sensitivities or other issues here, and he's a grown
man in his 40's).
I'm curious about what you would have done or said at the time
and how I should handle this now. I do consider us to be good
friends but I have no desire to eat anything he cooks, yet I
feel guilty blowing him off every time he says that I should
come visit again. I don't feel like I can keep saying "one day"
or "I don't have time for that right now" forever, but that's
what I've been relying on.
#Post#: 77381--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: Bada
Date: October 11, 2022, 9:23 pm
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Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
I'd probably also be too embarrassed and confused to say
anything to him.
Can you suggest meeting in a different location that you would
both have to travel to? You could say it would be an adventure
for bothof you insteadof one gettingstuck hosting. And then you
stay in a hotel NOT an air bnb!
#Post#: 77382--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 12, 2022, 4:05 am
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There are a couple of things you could say without outright
implying that his habits are gross:
One is "Sorry, I can taste/smell washing-up liquid on this
plate/glass, and it spoils the flavour of the food/drink for me
- I'm super-sensitive to that. I'd like to give it a good rinse
first."
Another is 'Yes, I know it's irrational, but I'm sorry, I can't
handle the idea of eating with crockery/cutlery that's come in
contact with dog food.'
That way you're putting the blame on yourself for your taste
buds (we know that individuals do taste things differently, and
some people's receptors are extra-sensitive to the slightest
whiff of soap) and your 'absurd' aversion to dog food. You're
not dissing his lovely clean wholesome dog, perish the thought,
nor implying that his habits are beyond the pale of normal
hygiene.
#Post#: 77391--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: October 12, 2022, 10:17 am
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Good grief, I thought you were going to say he keeps the water
for flushing the commode. That is just yuck. He's not even
washing in hot water if he is just using a bucket that's been
sitting there all day.
I think I would have had to speak up and say that I was
uncomfortable with his practice and would he mind allowing you
to rinse the dishes in hot water before drying and putting a
way.
As far as new trips, maybe it would be easier to address via
email. 'I had a wonderful time and feel silly about bringing
this up. But I was very uncomfortable with your water saving
practice when it came to washing up after meals. If I do return,
would you mind if during my stay we used fresh water for
dishes?"
#Post#: 77394--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: October 12, 2022, 10:41 am
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This is really gross. Does he allow you to use water? I wouldn't
stay at his house in the future but if there's no choice, I
would pack my own travel dish, cup, silverware, and dish cloth.
Disposable items if I have to.
What's the chance of you visiting his country again? Can you
stay at a hotel and treat him to a restaurant meal and just
visit his house for non-meal visits? Maybe come up with an
excuse why a hotel works better for you?
#Post#: 77398--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: oogyda
Date: October 12, 2022, 3:19 pm
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I think this may be one of those occasions where it may be
better to ask forgiveness after the fact than ask permission
before.
In other words, you could go ahead and wash whatever you will be
eating with/off of before food is dished up (or even before
cooking if you're participating in that). If questioned, you
would say that it's standard to cook and eat with clean items.
You might want to say that you applaud his efforts in water
conservation, but there are just certain standards that
shouldn't be compromised.
#Post#: 77399--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: lakey
Date: October 12, 2022, 4:30 pm
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--- Quote ---
> A couple of times I had to get new glassware because of the
mildewy smell, which he attributed to them "not being used in
awhile."
--- End Quote ---
I live alone, so most of my glasses and dishes don't get used
for long periods of time. That's why you have to wash them in
hot soapy water before you use them. I don't think I could eat
off dishes that had been washed in the "bucket" water. There is
a way of washing dishes without filling the sink. You squirt
dish soap on a plate, run water until it is hot, then clean the
plate under the running water from the faucet. Is there any way
you could do this without his realizing it, like when he is in
the other part of the house? I don't know the specifics of LW's
situation, but I understand that people in some countries and
cultures are a lot more careful about water usage than we
Americans tend to be.
#Post#: 77400--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: STiG
Date: October 12, 2022, 9:36 pm
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Nothing wrong with using a bucket to wash dishes in; did it all
through my childhood because we had a single sink. But that
bucket was always emptied and rinsed after each dishwashing
session. And it was always hot water. Clean but soapy dishes
were put in the sink beside the bucket and rinsed thoroughly.
Any pet dishes were washed at the end of the washing cycle and
were not dishes we used. With a dishwasher, I don't have huge
issues with pets using human dishes or with mixing pet dishes in
with the human dishes, as the detergents are generally stronger
and the water is generally hotter plus I can use the
sanitization cycle.
I am not a germaphobe; I don't use hand sanitizer due to
sensitivities but wash my hands regularly with plain, old
fashioned, soap though now in liquid form. I would have been
thoroughly grossed out by this person's idea of dish washing. I
do a better job of washing dishes when I'm camping!
I'd have just washed my own dishes before eating every time,
without saying anything. If he inquired, I'd be honest - I'm
sorry; I can smell the detergent residue and I'm majorly grossed
out, eating off a dish that a pet has used. So the easiest
thing for me to do is to wash my own dishes. No need to worry
about me! Be breezy about it, with a smile. And if he fussed
about it, oh well.
#Post#: 77426--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: cymbaline246
Date: October 16, 2022, 9:22 am
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I vote for hotel.
I'm on a well, and mindful about water. I heat water in an
electric teapot and pour it into a dishpan for washing dishes,
though. I've heard of people who save the water from the tap
waiting for the hot water to reach it, but not reusing
hand-washing water.
#Post#: 77432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Friend's Mismatched Cleaning Expectations
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 17, 2022, 2:34 am
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--- Quote ---
> I'm on a well, and mindful about water. I heat water in an
electric teapot and pour it into a dishpan for washing dishes,
though. I've heard of people who save the water from the tap
waiting for the hot water to reach it, but not reusing
hand-washing water.
--- End Quote ---
Because my house was built more than a century before piped
water existed, the plumbing put in much later had to be fitted
in as best could, so the hot water takes a LONG time coming. In
times of drought I run the tap into a bucket till it runs hot
and save it: it’s perfectly clean water, good for filling flower
vases, washing salads, soaking and swilling out things.
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