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#Post#: 77048--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: Rose Red Date: September 5, 2022, 12:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77046#msg77046
date=1662395276]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=2394.msg77042#msg77042
date=1662391085]
So, my real etiquette gaffe, but one I would do again
[/quote]
I don't recall your story from the old board, so maybe it was
hashed out already. But I disagree with you; you committed no
etiquette crime! You agreed to attend and eat at a reception at
5:30pm... not 10:30pm. I think that you were perfectly in the
clear to leave.
[/quote]
I agree and I hope the hotel billed them for all those second
meals!
#Post#: 77049--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: NFPwife Date: September 5, 2022, 2:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2394.msg77048#msg77048
date=1662399037]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77046#msg77046
date=1662395276]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=2394.msg77042#msg77042
date=1662391085]
So, my real etiquette gaffe, but one I would do again
[/quote]
I don't recall your story from the old board, so maybe it was
hashed out already. But I disagree with you; you committed no
etiquette crime! You agreed to attend and eat at a reception at
5:30pm... not 10:30pm. I think that you were perfectly in the
clear to leave.
[/quote]
I agree and I hope the hotel billed them for all those second
meals!
[/quote]
Agree! I hate showing up to any event and the food being served
hours after the expected time. You stayed far longer than I
would have. I'm not sure I'd have made it through the ceremony,
honestly. I think I would have left at 7:00 pm and gone to
dinner. Or ordered something at the hotel restaurant or bar.
#Post#: 77070--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: STiG Date: September 6, 2022, 10:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I had over 30 no shows to my wedding. I was livid! Only one
couple let me know ahead that they would be unable to come,
because of illness. One couple let me know that they would
attend the ceremony but not the reception, when they RSVP'd.
One person contacted me in the couple of days following but
didn't offer an apology at all. 'Oh, I wasn't feeling well.'
That's it. One person who was supposed to attend with her
husband and baby came alone. One couple brought their children,
who hadn't been invited. Two other people added plus ones that
were not included in their invitation.
So we paid for a lot of extra meals. It was buffet so it wasn't
a huge deal but still very annoying.
I will note that all of the no shows were on DH's side, with the
exception of the one couple who did let me know they wouldn't be
able to make it.
#Post#: 77074--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 7, 2022, 8:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2394.msg77070#msg77070
date=1662519980]
I will note that all of the no shows were on DH's side, with the
exception of the one couple who did let me know they wouldn't be
able to make it.
[/quote]
I think that you bring up a point here. I think in some circles
no shows aren't considered such a huge crime. There's a section
of my family that always chips together to have weddings.
Everything is cared for by the family, so exact numbers aren't
really necessary. There's always extra food, so no one really
thinks twice about someone not attending. I don't know that I
agree with that etiquette, but it is the norm for that circle.
#Post#: 77085--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: STiG Date: September 8, 2022, 1:19 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It's not common in DH's circle. The only family no-shows were
two of his nephews. One of which is getting married on
Saturday. Very tempted to no-show but we won't. It has
coloured my opinion of said nephew and we aren't going all out
on a gift, like we might otherwise have done. It will be
appropriate and about the norm for the family, though.
#Post#: 77092--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 9, 2022, 7:43 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2394.msg77085#msg77085
date=1662661186]
It's not common in DH's circle. The only family no-shows were
two of his nephews. One of which is getting married on
Saturday. Very tempted to no-show but we won't. It has
coloured my opinion of said nephew and we aren't going all out
on a gift, like we might otherwise have done. It will be
appropriate and about the norm for the family, though.
[/quote]
I think that it is completely understandable that this could
alter one's opinion of another. If I circle back, this is why I
feel that it may be appropriate to contact the no shows. Not to
shame them, but rather to alert them of the potential harm that
could be done to a relationship. I imagine that most no shows
are not malicious, but rather lacking thought.
#Post#: 77097--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: oogyda Date: September 10, 2022, 6:40 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77092#msg77092
date=1662770613]
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2394.msg77085#msg77085
date=1662661186]
It's not common in DH's circle. The only family no-shows were
two of his nephews. One of which is getting married on
Saturday. Very tempted to no-show but we won't. It has
coloured my opinion of said nephew and we aren't going all out
on a gift, like we might otherwise have done. It will be
appropriate and about the norm for the family, though.
[/quote]
I think that it is completely understandable that this could
alter one's opinion of another. If I circle back, this is why I
feel that it may be appropriate to contact the no shows. Not to
shame them, but rather to alert them of the potential harm that
could be done to a relationship. I imagine that most no shows
are not malicious, but rather lacking thought.
[/quote]
I think any harm that could be done to a relationship has
already been done unless one can simply forgive and forget.
Alerting someone to potential harm will only serve to put them
on the defensive or make them feel bad for having upset you by
costing you the money. There are circumstances that any of us
would accept as a reason why they couldn't attend, but I think
those reasons would have been stated immediately.
#Post#: 77101--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 10, 2022, 5:29 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2394.msg77097#msg77097
date=1662810024]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77092#msg77092
date=1662770613]
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2394.msg77085#msg77085
date=1662661186]
It's not common in DH's circle. The only family no-shows were
two of his nephews. One of which is getting married on
Saturday. Very tempted to no-show but we won't. It has
coloured my opinion of said nephew and we aren't going all out
on a gift, like we might otherwise have done. It will be
appropriate and about the norm for the family, though.
[/quote]
I think that it is completely understandable that this could
alter one's opinion of another. If I circle back, this is why I
feel that it may be appropriate to contact the no shows. Not to
shame them, but rather to alert them of the potential harm that
could be done to a relationship. I imagine that most no shows
are not malicious, but rather lacking thought.
[/quote]
I think any harm that could be done to a relationship has
already been done unless one can simply forgive and forget.
Alerting someone to potential harm will only serve to put them
on the defensive or make them feel bad for having upset you by
costing you the money. There are circumstances that any of us
would accept as a reason why they couldn't attend, but I think
those reasons would have been stated immediately.
[/quote]
I don't think I was clear. Potential harm to other
relationships. If my brother no showed at my wedding, I would
want to ensure that he understands that it could upset his best
friend / niece / coworker if he did the same to them.
#Post#: 77102--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: oogyda Date: September 10, 2022, 7:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77101#msg77101
date=1662848971]
[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2394.msg77097#msg77097
date=1662810024]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77092#msg77092
date=1662770613]
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2394.msg77085#msg77085
date=1662661186]
It's not common in DH's circle. The only family no-shows were
two of his nephews. One of which is getting married on
Saturday. Very tempted to no-show but we won't. It has
coloured my opinion of said nephew and we aren't going all out
on a gift, like we might otherwise have done. It will be
appropriate and about the norm for the family, though.
[/quote]
I think that it is completely understandable that this could
alter one's opinion of another. If I circle back, this is why I
feel that it may be appropriate to contact the no shows. Not to
shame them, but rather to alert them of the potential harm that
could be done to a relationship. I imagine that most no shows
are not malicious, but rather lacking thought.
[/quote]
I think any harm that could be done to a relationship has
already been done unless one can simply forgive and forget.
Alerting someone to potential harm will only serve to put them
on the defensive or make them feel bad for having upset you by
costing you the money. There are circumstances that any of us
would accept as a reason why they couldn't attend, but I think
those reasons would have been stated immediately.
[/quote]
I don't think I was clear. Potential harm to other
relationships. If my brother no showed at my wedding, I would
want to ensure that he understands that it could upset his best
friend / niece / coworker if he did the same to them.
[/quote]
I get what you're saying, and I generally admire your position
on most threads, but I have to disagree. Looking at this
through my own life-colored glasses that have learned to see
through the passive/aggressive motivation behind the "I'm only
telling you this so you'll do better in the future", it would
come across as a dig and clearly convey that you are upset by
it.
#Post#: 77130--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 13, 2022, 11:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2394.msg77102#msg77102
date=1662856909]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77101#msg77101
date=1662848971]
[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2394.msg77097#msg77097
date=1662810024]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2394.msg77092#msg77092
date=1662770613]
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2394.msg77085#msg77085
date=1662661186]
It's not common in DH's circle. The only family no-shows were
two of his nephews. One of which is getting married on
Saturday. Very tempted to no-show but we won't. It has
coloured my opinion of said nephew and we aren't going all out
on a gift, like we might otherwise have done. It will be
appropriate and about the norm for the family, though.
[/quote]
I think that it is completely understandable that this could
alter one's opinion of another. If I circle back, this is why I
feel that it may be appropriate to contact the no shows. Not to
shame them, but rather to alert them of the potential harm that
could be done to a relationship. I imagine that most no shows
are not malicious, but rather lacking thought.
[/quote]
I think any harm that could be done to a relationship has
already been done unless one can simply forgive and forget.
Alerting someone to potential harm will only serve to put them
on the defensive or make them feel bad for having upset you by
costing you the money. There are circumstances that any of us
would accept as a reason why they couldn't attend, but I think
those reasons would have been stated immediately.
[/quote]
I don't think I was clear. Potential harm to other
relationships. If my brother no showed at my wedding, I would
want to ensure that he understands that it could upset his best
friend / niece / coworker if he did the same to them.
[/quote]
I get what you're saying, and I generally admire your position
on most threads, but I have to disagree. Looking at this
through my own life-colored glasses that have learned to see
through the passive/aggressive motivation behind the "I'm only
telling you this so you'll do better in the future", it would
come across as a dig and clearly convey that you are upset by
it.
[/quote]
Thank you for the compliment and I think that's fair. I think
that you have to really know the relationship to say anything
and if I wasn't positive that they would take the feedback as
intended, then I do agree with you that it's better to just let
it go. The reality with any wedding is that you are likely to
have someone not show.
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