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#Post#: 76870--------------------------------------------------
When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 21, 2022, 2:37 pm
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Maybe someone can relate or has advice, as it keeps reoccurring
in different ways.
My older sibling has adult children, who are starting families
of their own. My younger sibling has elementary aged children. I
am unmarried without any children; an active decision that I am
happy with.
It was proposed that we should update our family photos. Great
idea. There will be time for a large group photo of the entire
clan, as well as other photos for individual family units.
Again, great idea. However since I don't have my own family
unit, I don't need time or any sort of additional photo. I'm
perfectly fine with that. But my parents and siblings are NOT ok
with that. They seem to think that I need to have an additional
photo and are pushing to have me have a photo with all of my
niblings. Neither of my siblings are planning or being pushed to
do the same; rather they are taking the photo of their family
unit. I love my niblings, but they are not my family unit and I
hate that this is being pushed out of pity. There's nothing to
pity!
Is this something that single people are expected to do and I
should just agree to satisfy everyone? Or are my feelings about
this valid?
#Post#: 76871--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: iolaus Date: August 21, 2022, 3:03 pm
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I would suggest that as well as the main group you have a family
picture done of your parents, you and your siblings together (no
next generation or spouses - just the nuclear family from when
you grew up) - I do regret we didn't have one done before my
fathers death - we have photos of us together but not the 4 of
us
That may stop them nagging as you've been in more than 1 photo
#Post#: 76873--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 21, 2022, 3:43 pm
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[quote author=iolaus link=topic=2390.msg76871#msg76871
date=1661112194]
I would suggest that as well as the main group you have a family
picture done of your parents, you and your siblings together (no
next generation or spouses - just the nuclear family from when
you grew up) - I do regret we didn't have one done before my
fathers death - we have photos of us together but not the 4 of
us
That may stop them nagging as you've been in more than 1 photo
[/quote]
Thank you for this reminder. Yes, that is a planned photos. I
didn't name all of the planned photos, so I will likely be in
other ones. It's just this pity photo that is rubbing me the
wrong way.
#Post#: 76874--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: NFPwife Date: August 21, 2022, 6:12 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2390.msg76873#msg76873
date=1661114591]
[quote author=iolaus link=topic=2390.msg76871#msg76871
date=1661112194]
I would suggest that as well as the main group you have a family
picture done of your parents, you and your siblings together (no
next generation or spouses - just the nuclear family from when
you grew up) - I do regret we didn't have one done before my
fathers death - we have photos of us together but not the 4 of
us
That may stop them nagging as you've been in more than 1 photo
[/quote]
Thank you for this reminder. Yes, that is a planned photos. I
didn't name all of the planned photos, so I will likely be in
other ones. It's just this pity photo that is rubbing me the
wrong way.
[/quote]
Can I suggest a different frame on this? Sociologists have a
term for the Aunties and Uncles in families who don't have
children - sparents. They're the spare parents of the niblings
and frequently participate in the lives of the niblings more
than an Aunt or Uncle who has children does. Given that, I'm
wondering if you've functioned as a sparent and they want to
honor, not pity, that?? Just my quick thought on it.
#Post#: 76876--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: jpcher Date: August 21, 2022, 9:07 pm
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(I've never heard the term 'niblings' before. I take it that
means nieces and nephews?)
Of course your feelings are valid! No one should ever be
pressured into something they don't want to do.
"Since I live alone (and, again! I'm perfectly fine with that!)
I'd like to be photographed alone. That depicts the true me, the
way I'd like to be remembered."
Or (and I'm sorry I don't remember) have a photo with your
beloved pet, if you have one. or some other prop that you are
known and loved for.
I do like PVZFan's response and am curious as to why you think
the family pities you. This is important because I don't want to
negate your feelings but calling it a pity photo just seems like
there are underlying stories.
Or, depending on the humor side of your family, you could have
fun with it. When oldest sibling and family are called, go with
them. "I'm part of this family too!" Try to get yourself in
every family sitting . . . in a fun way, not being obnoxious
about it. Again, that depends on your family humor.
Or just suck it up and comply with the request.
Sometimes making a statement isn't worth the strife it would
cause.
To make a remembrance photo about you, I'd go with a prop. "Oh!
I always loved Auntie Da's XXX!"
#Post#: 76877--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: NFPwife Date: August 21, 2022, 9:41 pm
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Nibling is a nongendered way to refer to ones siblings'
children.
#Post#: 76878--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: Aleko Date: August 22, 2022, 1:16 am
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Of course your feelings are valid! I’m with everyone who says
you have your photograph taken accompanied only by your pet(s),
if any, and in a setting emblematic of you and your happy single
life.
There’s another argument you might make, which is that the photo
the family are calling for will confuse the bejasus out of
future generations when the pencilling on the back of it has
faded: ‘Why is there no record of Great-Great-Great-Aunt DDP’s
marriage and children, when her photo shows clearly that she was
matriarch of a large family?’
#Post#: 76879--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 22, 2022, 8:51 am
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Yes, niblings = nephews + nieces. I’m actually not a fan of the
term, but it does seem to be an efficient way to group these
sort of individuals together.
I suppose that my family’s reaction is less described as pity
and more of a guilt. They (the main culprit being my mom) think
everything needs to be “fair” or equal. I think “fair” in this
case would be that everyone gets the photo that they desire. I
am not longing for any additional photos beyond what has already
been proposed, so I already see it as “fair”. I also was not
asked what photos I wanted; just told what would be taken.
I think what bothers me might be the way that it is always
proposed to me. If the idea was brought up like PVZFan has said
(“You are such an important person in these kiddos lives and we
thought it would be nice to have a photo with you and all of
them!”), I would have probably gotten misty eyed and started
looking for my good side. But that’s not how it’s ever proposed.
“Since older sibling is doing their entire family, and younger
sibling is doing the same, we’ll do a photo of you and all of
your niblings.” And I think part of it is that it feels like
they are disregarding my lifestyle. My niblings are important to
me, but they are not in my day-to-day life. The “pity” (and
maybe that’s not the right word to use) comes from the fact that
all other individuals love their family lives; they are the most
important thing to them, so they can’t fathom how I could ever
be happy without that.
My life is better photographed in other settings. I don’t live
the type of life that you can take to a photography studio to
capture. So I guess that’s why I’m ok that that is not going to
happen. While I don’t have any pets, I do have a collection of…
umm… teapots! Maybe that could be my prop.
Also, Aleko, you bring up a super solid point concerning family
history. My mom (again, the biggest pusher of the “fair policy”)
has been doing a ton of ancestry research, so maybe this will
read to that side of her!
#Post#: 76895--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: TootsNYC Date: August 24, 2022, 11:44 am
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[quote]And I think part of it is that it feels like they are
disregarding my lifestyle. [/quote]
This might be the point I'd make.
I have a maiden aunt, and I'm very aware as she ages that we are
her only family. But I also respect her independence and the
life she has made for herself. She has friends and connections
that have power in her life that are nothing to do with any of
us.
#Post#: 76897--------------------------------------------------
Re: When There Is No Family Unit To Photograph
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 24, 2022, 11:59 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2390.msg76895#msg76895
date=1661359496]
[quote]And I think part of it is that it feels like they are
disregarding my lifestyle. [/quote]
This might be the point I'd make.
I have a maiden aunt, and I'm very aware as she ages that we are
her only family. But I also respect her independence and the
life she has made for herself. She has friends and connections
that have power in her life that are nothing to do with any of
us.
[/quote]
She likely really appreciates your understanding of this!
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