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#Post#: 76477--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: oogyda Date: July 25, 2022, 5:50 am
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[quote author=OnyxBird link=topic=2370.msg76475#msg76475
date=1658707798]
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=2370.msg76471#msg76471 date=1658700515]
Again, that someone called the venue doesn't seem like a big
deal to me, just someone who wants to hear it from the horse's
mouth, so to speak. As it is a public venue, even if it is
owned by your friend, shouldn't be such a crime. Some people
would, some people wouldn't.
[/quote]
How would it be relevant to OP's guests if the venue owner said
the dog rule wasn't a venue rule? The OP is hosting the event,
and the OP reserved the venue for that event. The OP said "No
dogs," so dogs are not allowed at the event, whether or not the
venue would allow them at other times.
[/quote]
I agree with this POV so much that I'm quoting it instead of
clicking the "agree" button.
#Post#: 76482--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: LurkingGurl Date: July 25, 2022, 1:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=OnyxBird link=topic=2370.msg76475#msg76475
date=1658707798]
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=2370.msg76471#msg76471 date=1658700515]
Again, that someone called the venue doesn't seem like a big
deal to me, just someone who wants to hear it from the horse's
mouth, so to speak. As it is a public venue, even if it is
owned by your friend, shouldn't be such a crime. Some people
would, some people wouldn't.
[/quote]
How would it be relevant to OP's guests if the venue owner said
the dog rule wasn't a venue rule? The OP is hosting the event,
and the OP reserved the venue for that event. The OP said "No
dogs," so dogs are not allowed at the event, whether or not the
venue would allow them at other times.
[/quote]
It's relevant because that's the situation--the OP said it was
the venue's rule. They know it's the venue's rule. They're not
calling the venue to go around the OPs rule, they're double
checking to make sure that it is the venue's rule, that the rule
is in effect and hasn't changed. What I don't understand is why
she isn't just letting it be at that?
As I said, if it were a rule set by the OP, then they would be
boundary testing her.
Look, I'm not excusing people for testing boundaries. It's one
of the most annoying aspects of dealing with people whether you
work for a venue, a church, or are just having party in your
home.
And I'm not excusing them for not simply trusting their host,
but such is the deal when dealing with family, sadly.
I just don't think the OP should turn it into more drama when
it's literally not her problem.
For instance, if it were the OPs rule, she would have to take
steps to make sure it was followed. But, that's not the case.
She doesn't have to do that. Even if people called the venue and
said "the venue allows it" the response would be "but I don't."
But that's not the situation.
And while I can understand her maybe not wanting to pass that
burden on to the venue owner because she's a friend, the venue
owner is in the best position overall to handle the situation
without drama.
I feel that the OP is creating drama from a situation where it's
not necessary. People are gonna people.
If she is insulted or annoyed that someone didn't trust her,
that's another issue. But, honestly, I think the OP can just
relax and let the cards fall.
She certainly doesn't have to provide any kind of accommodation
for pets.
And seriously, it might mean that someone brings their pet, is
denied entry, has nowhere to keep her pet and has to leave the
party and not come back.
It can be uncomfortable to just let that happen, but letting it
happen, ensuring a consequence, is the best way to make sure
similar things don't happen in the future.
#Post#: 76499--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: JeanFromBNA Date: July 26, 2022, 1:36 pm
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Not sure what drama you're picking up from my post or replies.
In discussing the matter with anonymous people online who I
perceive to be more thoughtful than I, I hoped to avoid
repercussions because IRL, I have no problem with letting
reality smack someone upside the head and can be rather direct.
I especially appreciate Jem's reply and Lula pointing out that
they might show up anyway, and I should be prepared. Other POVs
helped as well. Isn't that what this board is supposed to be
about?
I'm not insulted. More like annoyed, and don't want to say the
quiet part out loud about DH's relatives.
#Post#: 76501--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: Hmmm Date: July 26, 2022, 3:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=2370.msg76482#msg76482 date=1658772267]
[quote author=OnyxBird link=topic=2370.msg76475#msg76475
date=1658707798]
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=2370.msg76471#msg76471 date=1658700515]
Again, that someone called the venue doesn't seem like a big
deal to me, just someone who wants to hear it from the horse's
mouth, so to speak. As it is a public venue, even if it is
owned by your friend, shouldn't be such a crime. Some people
would, some people wouldn't.
[/quote]
How would it be relevant to OP's guests if the venue owner said
the dog rule wasn't a venue rule? The OP is hosting the event,
and the OP reserved the venue for that event. The OP said "No
dogs," so dogs are not allowed at the event, whether or not the
venue would allow them at other times.
[/quote]
It's relevant because that's the situation--the OP said it was
the venue's rule. They know it's the venue's rule. They're not
calling the venue to go around the OPs rule, they're double
checking to make sure that it is the venue's rule, that the rule
is in effect and hasn't changed. What I don't understand is why
she isn't just letting it be at that?
I find it extremely rude of the guest to call the venue when the
host has already provided direction. They should not be
contacting the venue at all on an issue where guidance has
already been provided. It was the venue's owner who was bothered
or concerned enough to pass on the fact that the call was made
and the guest was annoyed.
As I said, if it were a rule set by the OP, then they would be
boundary testing her.
Look, I'm not excusing people for testing boundaries. It's one
of the most annoying aspects of dealing with people whether you
work for a venue, a church, or are just having party in your
home.
And I'm not excusing them for not simply trusting their host,
but such is the deal when dealing with family, sadly.
I just don't think the OP should turn it into more drama when
it's literally not her problem.
As the person who has contracted to rent the space, it is the
OP's problem if someone shows up and is breaking a rule. Just
like if someone does damage to furniture, it would be teh OP who
is held liable.
For instance, if it were the OPs rule, she would have to take
steps to make sure it was followed. But, that's not the case.
She doesn't have to do that. Even if people called the venue and
said "the venue allows it" the response would be "but I don't."
But that's not the situation.
And while I can understand her maybe not wanting to pass that
burden on to the venue owner because she's a friend, the venue
owner is in the best position overall to handle the situation
without drama.
It is not the venue owner's responsibility to control the
actions of the OP's invited guests. The venue owner and the
guest have no relationship. This isn't a situation where the
guest will be renting an room from the venue or the guest is
staying at a hotel that the OP recommended.
I feel that the OP is creating drama from a situation where it's
not necessary. People are gonna people.
If she is insulted or annoyed that someone didn't trust her,
that's another issue. But, honestly, I think the OP can just
relax and let the cards fall.
Again, I don't agree. If I am hosting a party, especially in
honor of someone else, I'm going to do everything I can to try
and have no drama. So I want to have contingency plans to
address potential issues. Back up plans in case it rains, enough
food to cover unexpected guests, backup transportation plans if
someone drinks without a designated driver, and in this case an
idea of what to do if someone does bring a pet that can not
accompany the person to the rented venue.
She certainly doesn't have to provide any kind of accommodation
for pets.
And seriously, it might mean that someone brings their pet, is
denied entry, has nowhere to keep her pet and has to leave the
party and not come back.
Yes, this could happen. But it would be sad if the person who
doesn't get to attend is the cousin of the honoree who's
traveled to visit for the first time in 20 years. What's the
harm in having a backup plan? And sending out a reminder about
the rule creates no harm either.
It can be uncomfortable to just let that happen, but letting it
happen, ensuring a consequence, is the best way to make sure
similar things don't happen in the future.
[/quote]
#Post#: 76503--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: LurkingGurl Date: July 26, 2022, 3:32 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=2370.msg76414#msg76414
date=1658170274]
I texted the following to the main people: "Our neighbors who
own the venue let us know that someone contacted them about
bringing dogs on the property. I wanted to make sure that
everyone knows that dogs are not allowed on the property, so
please do not bring your dogs to the cabin or party." I wanted
to make the point that this isn't a typical vendor-customer
relationship. Thanks to Jem for the wording!
[/quote]
That's where I think you created drama: By broadcasting that you
know someone contacted the venue.
By trying to call out someone. It just creates more drama.
[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=2370.msg76499#msg76499
date=1658860615]
Not sure what drama you're picking up from my post or replies.
In discussing the matter with anonymous people online who I
perceive to be more thoughtful than I, I hoped to avoid
repercussions because IRL, I have no problem with letting
reality smack someone upside the head and can be rather direct.
I especially appreciate Jem's reply and Lula pointing out that
they might show up anyway, and I should be prepared. Other POVs
helped as well. Isn't that what this board is supposed to be
about?
I'm not insulted. More like annoyed, and don't want to say the
quiet part out loud about DH's relatives.
[/quote]
No, no--SAY the quiet part out loud. Be honest! It's better
than beating around the bush. It lets people know where you
stand. Honesty doesn't have to be mean.
You accomplish nothing by trying to shame someone who likely
isn't going to recognize themselves in the first place, and if
they do, they will just complain to others about it, thus
multiplying the drama. And people are going to be asking each
other--who called the venue? And everyone will have a different
opinion about it.
That doesn't serve you.
It still leaves you pleading and hiding your displeasure. A
better tack would be "Just a reminder that dogs are not allowed
on the property so if you don't have other arrangements, don't
bring them. The venue owner is my neighbor and a friend, so
please do not call her asking for special accommodations.
Thanks!"
If you want to express your displeasure directly then say "I
don't appreciate people going around me and calling the venue,
which is owned by my friend and neighbor, to try and get special
accommodation for their dog when I have made it clear that dogs
cannot be on the property. I am hoping that this will be a
special day. Please, no more end runs and no dogs! If you need
to talk about your arrangements, please call me directly and we
can talk about it. Maybe I can be of assistance."
I have found that people who are crystal clear about where they
stand tend to garner more support from others. A whiff of drama
is more likely to repel people who could be useful allies.
JMHO
#Post#: 76526--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: Rose Red Date: July 27, 2022, 5:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I saw this story which made me think of this thread and laughed
(not at the situation, just how it reminded me of this thread).
I'm linking to Yahoo because the Reddit link has a bad word so
it may not work here.
HTML https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/woman-blown-away-laws-selfish-161747928.html
#Post#: 76542--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: Hmmm Date: July 28, 2022, 9:06 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2370.msg76526#msg76526
date=1658962244]
I saw this story which made me think of this thread and laughed
(not at the situation, just how it reminded me of this thread).
I'm linking to Yahoo because the Reddit link has a bad word so
it may not work here.
HTML https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/woman-blown-away-laws-selfish-161747928.html
[/quote]
Love the story. But if it is true, I feel for the Airbnb owner
who lost at least $3500 for that weeks rental.
#Post#: 76545--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: TootsNYC Date: July 28, 2022, 10:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=2370.msg76471#msg76471 date=1658700515]
Since it's the venue's rule and they are completely able to
enforce their rules, I don't think the OP should give it another
thought. It's her event. Presumably if others have such issues
with that, they are free to organize their own celebrations and
include a ceremonial dog show in the midst of it, if they so
desire, or a chicken contest, or ask people to come dressed as
dogs.
[/quote]
This is a very good point. And since the vendor is also a
neighbor, I would assure the vendor/neighbor that they will not
damage our own relationship if they do whatever they need to do
to enforce their rules.
That "also a neighbor" aspect might make both parties a little
more hesitant to act as they need to, lest the other side take
offense (you have to live near one another after this is over),
so reassuring them that you won't have an unfair reaction might
be useful.
#Post#: 76553--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: Bada Date: July 29, 2022, 12:17 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2370.msg76526#msg76526
date=1658962244]
I saw this story which made me think of this thread and laughed
(not at the situation, just how it reminded me of this thread).
I'm linking to Yahoo because the Reddit link has a bad word so
it may not work here.
HTML https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/woman-blown-away-laws-selfish-161747928.html
[/quote]
This board doesn't forbid swear words (we're just expected to be
adults and watch ourselves to not get out if control)
#Post#: 76560--------------------------------------------------
Re: No Dogs Allowed
By: JeanFromBNA Date: July 29, 2022, 2:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Work is still crazy busy, and we're shorthanded, so I haven't
been able to update as quickly, but I wanted to tell you about
this:
Sunday evening, MIL got a phone call from her son, BIL. After
some chatting, BIL asked to speak with DH. BIL asked DH if Dog
could stay in a kennel in the house. DH said that was fine. Dog
travels with them everywhere, and when they were here last
Thanksgiving, someone had to hold the dog (a beagle) THE.
ENTIRE. TIME. to keep him from chasing the cats and getting
under foot too much. I suspected it was this relative, but it
could have been a couple of others, so I really didn't know.
SIL is a bit ditzy, or puts on a good act. Had I not "called
them out" I believe that she would have shown up with Dog,
acting like she "didn't knooooww we couldn't bring Dog," and
created drama when we told her we could put Dog in the garage or
someone would have to leave. We wouldn't have time to deal with
it on party day. I'm glad that we dealt with it upfront and
y'all helped me. I'll have to let you know how it goes.
Now, another relative wants us to post a detailed menu . . .
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