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#Post#: 76150--------------------------------------------------
Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: Victoria Date: July 1, 2022, 11:22 am
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We have a summer intern named "Ralph," split between two legal
department sections so that he can get a wide variety of
experience. Ralph is the most reserved person anyone's ever
worked with. He runs away from any kind of vaguely-social or
networking opportunity, and unfortunately on top of that his
work is also not great. It's not horrible, but it's not great
either, and we had to show him some "remedial" things, like how
to create a basic table within a Word document.
My department invited him to our monthly Friday lunch so he
could get to know us better, and the date, time, and location
was sent to him two weeks ago. When we went to tell him the new
restaurant location in person (since apparently our old choice
closed permanently last week!) Ralph said that he had a massive
task from the other department with a tight deadline and
couldn't make it. Of course, during that conversation he looked
nothing short of relieved and happy, and apparently this is not
the first time he's done this. He does it to the other section
and to every single person who's invited him to anything, saying
that he'd "love to be there" and then pulling some urgent work
reason he can't at the last minute.
I don't think Ralph's made many connections at our company who
he could ask for a letter of recommendation, both because of his
work and because he essentially acts like he doesn't want to
deal with anyone. His work has been critiqued and corrected and
people have been honest with him about that, but I don't think
anyone's said anything to him about the importance of personal
connections in our business. Is that something one should even
say to an intern? I realize that if we wanted to "force" him we
could say "Events like these are important for team-building
purposes, in the future please let me know sooner so we can
coordinate with the other section and make sure you can attend."
I don't know if there's any point to doing that, or if it's just
one of those things you should let go because (for instance) it
had occurred to me that he might be neurodivergent, since I am
and no one would know if I didn't tell people.
#Post#: 76156--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: SnappyLT Date: July 1, 2022, 6:48 pm
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[quote author=Victoria link=topic=2365.msg76150#msg76150
date=1656692576]
We have a summer intern named "Ralph," split between two legal
department sections so that he can get a wide variety of
experience. Ralph is the most reserved person anyone's ever
worked with. He runs away from any kind of vaguely-social or
networking opportunity, and unfortunately on top of that his
work is also not great. It's not horrible, but it's not great
either, and we had to show him some "remedial" things, like how
to create a basic table within a Word document.
My department invited him to our monthly Friday lunch so he
could get to know us better, and the date, time, and location
was sent to him two weeks ago. When we went to tell him the new
restaurant location in person (since apparently our old choice
closed permanently last week!) Ralph said that he had a massive
task from the other department with a tight deadline and
couldn't make it. Of course, during that conversation he looked
nothing short of relieved and happy, and apparently this is not
the first time he's done this. He does it to the other section
and to every single person who's invited him to anything, saying
that he'd "love to be there" and then pulling some urgent work
reason he can't at the last minute.
I don't think Ralph's made many connections at our company who
he could ask for a letter of recommendation, both because of his
work and because he essentially acts like he doesn't want to
deal with anyone. His work has been critiqued and corrected and
people have been honest with him about that, but I don't think
anyone's said anything to him about the importance of personal
connections in our business. Is that something one should even
say to an intern? I realize that if we wanted to "force" him we
could say "Events like these are important for team-building
purposes, in the future please let me know sooner so we can
coordinate with the other section and make sure you can attend."
I don't know if there's any point to doing that, or if it's just
one of those things you should let go because (for instance) it
had occurred to me that he might be neurodivergent, since I am
and no one would know if I didn't tell people.
[/quote]
Victoria,
Several decades ago, I worked with college interns on the
college side of things (as opposed to the employer side of
things).
My ideas might be very out of date and might not apply to your
intern's educational setting.
My own opinion is that it might be a great kindness to Ralph for
one of his work supervisors to gently point out the importance
of what you think he may be missing out on. (Years ago, that
sort of learning about interpersonal skills was an important
part of an internship, at least where I worked.)
Is Ralph earning academic credit for his internship? He might
have a faculty sponsor and/or an internship coordinator at his
university. Depending upon the personalities of those people
(and depending upon how much things have changed over the
years), they might agree with you and might be willing to talk
with Ralph directly about the interpersonal learning that can go
along with an internship.
#Post#: 76157--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 1, 2022, 7:33 pm
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Internships are not just for gaining work experience. The
individuals are learning workplace norms. Whoever is providing
him with feedback should make this one of areas that they cover.
He needs to understand the importance of social interactions.
It's very possible that he's more of an introvert and that he's
avoiding these out of preference and/or comfort. The person
coaching him needs to explain that he needs to accept (and keep)
a certain number of invitations. They can and should assist him
with whatever is making him put the brakes on things. Maybe it
really is the work and they can help him find balance so that he
can keep these lunches. Maybe he hates making conversation and
they can coach him with how to get people talking about
themselves. Whatever the issue is, I think it's a huge
disservice to just let him slip through the cracks.
#Post#: 76162--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: Gellchom Date: July 2, 2022, 9:45 am
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I agree. Ralph might - well, obviously he does - have social
anxiety, or neurodivergence, or be very shy or introverted, or
have some medical issue that makes socializing awkward, or some
other challenge to socializing. I get it that it might be a lot
harder for him than others.
But it�s an important skill, and he will be more successful if
he learns how to interact at at least the minimum level for his
environment. He doesn�t have to be the life of the party. Many
careers depend upon teamwork and collaboration, and you do need
to get to know one another, even if it�s hard for you.
If whatever the issue is that makes it hard for Ralph is just
insurmountable for him, then he will do better in a different
type of career.
But right now, he�s an intern, which means (or should) that the
company should be teaching him things like this.
#Post#: 76246--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: Bada Date: July 7, 2022, 10:08 pm
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Well I recognize this one, lol... Allison seemed to be on the
same page as the Brimstoners already were!
intern avoids all networking, reprimanded for watching TV on a
lunch break, and more
HTML https://www.askamanager.org/2022/07/interns-avoids-all-networking-reprimanded-for-watching-tv-on-a-lunch-break-and-more.html
#Post#: 76251--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 8, 2022, 8:57 am
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[quote author=Bada link=topic=2365.msg76246#msg76246
date=1657249731]
Well I recognize this one, lol... Allison seemed to be on the
same page as the Brimstoners already were!
intern avoids all networking, reprimanded for watching TV on a
lunch break, and more
HTML https://www.askamanager.org/2022/07/interns-avoids-all-networking-reprimanded-for-watching-tv-on-a-lunch-break-and-more.html
[/quote]
I had not realized that this was a repost; thank you for
bringing this to everyone's attention.
Allison's advice tends to be very Brimestoner approved (in fact,
I think I was turned on to her blog by someone here!) Her advice
tends to be great for career advancement, but doing it in a
polite way. Please void my advice, as I think hers is spot on!
#Post#: 76252--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: Bada Date: July 8, 2022, 10:26 am
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Sorry, I was trying to figure out how to word my previous and
clearly missed the mark. That AAM post is brand new. I think
Victoria posted there after someone here recommended it. I just
thought it was fun seeing it there and knowing this site got
first Crack at it.
#Post#: 76259--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: July 8, 2022, 5:34 pm
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Yesterday, when I was reading AAM, I was trying to remember
where I had read that before. Cool to realize that it was here.
#Post#: 76280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: Victoria Date: July 10, 2022, 1:39 am
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Yes, I submitted to Alison, waited a bit and figured she had
others to answer, and posted here. Then it showed up on AAM! ;D
An interesting update, I suspect the intern might read AAM
because the same day he very earnestly asked if he could attend
our next lunch and whether we had any plans for lunch beyond the
monthly gathering.
#Post#: 76282--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with Reclusive Intern
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 10, 2022, 6:18 am
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[quote author=Victoria link=topic=2365.msg76280#msg76280
date=1657435153]
Yes, I submitted to Alison, waited a bit and figured she had
others to answer, and posted here. Then it showed up on AAM! ;D
An interesting update, I suspect the intern might read AAM
because the same day he very earnestly asked if he could attend
our next lunch and whether we had any plans for lunch beyond the
monthly gathering.
[/quote]
I'm so glad that you tried both places. It is quite interesting
that most of the advice is supportive of the other.
And what a cool update!!! I'm cheering for this intern;
hopefully he will learn a lot from this experience!
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