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#Post#: 76013--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here Fishy Fishy
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 23, 2022, 5:34 am
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I really dislike trying to read a menu and select food when
there is the pressure of chatting and needing to make a somewhat
quick decision. When possible, I almost always bring up the menu
beforehand and have decided before I even get to the restaurant.
I still put on a good show and read the menu with everyone else
and sometimes I will even change my selection, but I often
already have my mind set on something. So yes, while Gina's
surprise treat was generous and thoughtful, it might pull me off
my game a bit. I would have preferred to know beforehand.
However, when presented with the surprise, I think Olivia should
have enjoyed what was offered. It's quite possible that she
blurted that out and was surprised that Gina jumped up, but it
sounds like there was plenty to eat already. (This is, of
course, assuming that she could eat what was on the table.) I
might have been a bit disappointed to not get the fish, but it
sounds like this was much more about the people than the food,
so I would have just settled to enjoy what was there.
#Post#: 76115--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here Fishy Fishy
By: Sara Crewe Date: June 29, 2022, 2:39 am
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I very seldom eat out and for me, when I do, the food I’d a
major part of why I’m there. If I’m just going to socialise,
I’d rather do it in someone’s home rather than over food. If
I’m meeting someone for a meal and they take it on themselves to
order then unless they have checked with me first what to order,
there is a good chance they’ve ruined what to me is the main
purpose of the trip (i.e. to get a particular special meal that
I wouldn’t have at home). I’ve usually checked the website and
decided what to order in advance.
It’s different if I am invited to someone’s house for a meal. In
that case, the main point is the socialising so unless I will
almost always eat what I’m given (I may eat a few bites and move
the rest about the plate if I don’t like an element of the
meal).
It’s suggested Olivia is being ungrateful but being expected to
be thankful for something I don’t want and didn’t ask for is
something I really object to. I probably wouldn’t have said
anything if I were Olivia but Gina’s actions (however
performatively generous they were) would have spoilt my meal
which I assume isn’t what Gina was aiming for. I either have to
eat something I don’t want or not talk to Gina while she queues
up again. Either way, while Gina probably meant well, she is
the one who caused the issue.
Also, does Gina have a history of assuming she knows best? If
so, I can see Olivia refusing to be steamrollered and requiring
Gina to fix the problems she causes. While I said above I
wouldn’t say anything, that would change if Gina does this a
lot.
#Post#: 76116--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here Fishy Fishy
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 29, 2022, 5:58 am
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[quote author=Sara Crewe link=topic=2359.msg76115#msg76115
date=1656488368]
Also, does Gina have a history of assuming she knows best? If
so, I can see Olivia refusing to be steamrollered and requiring
Gina to fix the problems she causes. While I said above I
wouldn’t say anything, that would change if Gina does this a
lot.
[/quote]
I think that this is a great point. If this was a one-off
surprise, I would try to see Gina's actions as being generous.
However, if she does this often, then I might find a way to ask
her to handle things differently... which might be to allow us
to each purchase our own meals.
#Post#: 76117--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here Fishy Fishy
By: Hmmm Date: June 29, 2022, 8:26 am
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[quote author=Sara Crewe link=topic=2359.msg76115#msg76115
date=1656488368]
I very seldom eat out and for me, when I do, the food I’d a
major part of why I’m there. If I’m just going to socialise,
I’d rather do it in someone’s home rather than over food. If
I’m meeting someone for a meal and they take it on themselves to
order then unless they have checked with me first what to order,
there is a good chance they’ve ruined what to me is the main
purpose of the trip (i.e. to get a particular special meal that
I wouldn’t have at home). I’ve usually checked the website and
decided what to order in advance.
It’s different if I am invited to someone’s house for a meal. In
that case, the main point is the socialising so unless I will
almost always eat what I’m given (I may eat a few bites and move
the rest about the plate if I don’t like an element of the
meal).
It’s suggested Olivia is being ungrateful but being expected to
be thankful for something I don’t want and didn’t ask for is
something I really object to. I probably wouldn’t have said
anything if I were Olivia but Gina’s actions (however
performatively generous they were) would have spoilt my meal
which I assume isn’t what Gina was aiming for. I either have to
eat something I don’t want or not talk to Gina while she queues
up again. Either way, while Gina probably meant well, she is
the one who caused the issue.
Also, does Gina have a history of assuming she knows best? If
so, I can see Olivia refusing to be steamrollered and requiring
Gina to fix the problems she causes. While I said above I
wouldn’t say anything, that would change if Gina does this a
lot.
[/quote]
It doesn't sound like eating at this particular restaurant is a
new experience or one that Olivia doesn't get the opportunity to
frequent. The OP states "Olivia can visit that cafe any day of
the week and get the fish (avoiding the line by calling her
order in), so it’s not like this was her only chance."
And in this instance, the main purpose of the trip was to catch
up with a friend who was visiting from out of town.
I don't really have an issue with Olivia ordering the fish. But
it was the timing of her request. Gina stated upon their arrival
that she had placed an order. Then would have been the best time
for Olivia to say "I've been craving the fish dish all day. I
hope you don't mind if I go ahead and order it also?" But
instead she waited until the food was delivered to then state
she would have preferred the fish.
#Post#: 76138--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here Fishy Fishy
By: Blue Willow Date: June 29, 2022, 10:45 pm
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OP here. Thank you all for your responses. It does give me
more aspects to consider.
In short, yes --
Gina has been known to unilaterally grab the reins on occasion,
with mixed results.
Olivia can be self-absorbed, and does not always consider how
her words impact others.
I fault myself for passively watching it all go down and then
wondering, "what just happened"? --also
pretty typical, unfortunately. However, I will be better
prepared to act now, should it happen again.
Thanks again.
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