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#Post#: 75992--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: LifeOnPluto Date: June 22, 2022, 7:15 am
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I feel sorry for all the girls in this situation, including
Suzy.
I liked jpcher's idea of having the girls suggest activities for
Suzy to join in. The more strenuous, the better, I say. This
tactic would have (hopefully!) kept Suzy so physically and
mentally engaged that she would have been too distracted to stir
up drama. Plus - best case scenario - Suzy might have actually
realised the value in getting along with people, and learnt a
few social skills. I realise it's too late now, but I would have
suggested keeping Suzy busy. Hiking, swimming, building
sandcastles, making up a dance routine, playing board games,
etc.
#Post#: 75998--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: Jem Date: June 22, 2022, 8:30 am
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I think the chaperones could have taken certain steps to keep
Suzy in line but I really don’t think that other developing
young women should have to “teach” a rude Suzy. The other teens
should not have to cater to Suzy at all and should not be
expected to have enough maturity to deal with Suzy’s utter lack
of social skills. The adults in Suzy’s life seem to have failed
her (ie her parents) but it is not fair to expect other teens to
know how to handle Suzy’s emotional abuse of them in a way that
benefits Suzy. The other teens should be focused on developing
into their own people, not counseling a troubled peer.
#Post#: 76000--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: NFPwife Date: June 22, 2022, 10:32 am
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=2357.msg75998#msg75998
date=1655904617]
I think the chaperones could have taken certain steps to keep
Suzy in line but I really don’t think that other developing
young women should have to “teach” a rude Suzy. The other teens
should not have to cater to Suzy at all and should not be
expected to have enough maturity to deal with Suzy’s utter lack
of social skills. The adults in Suzy’s life seem to have failed
her (ie her parents) but it is not fair to expect other teens to
know how to handle Suzy’s emotional abuse of them in a way that
benefits Suzy. The other teens should be focused on developing
into their own people, not counseling a troubled peer.
[/quote]
Agree! There will be times when you just can't escape difficult
people and I felt like the other girls need to learn how to be
assertive, walk away, and only pay off appropriate behavior.
Sadly, I think kids are more often thrown into these situations
where they're expected to go along and get along with little
support.
#Post#: 76008--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: jpcher Date: June 22, 2022, 3:19 pm
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Thanks, Sheena, for the update. Glad your daughter had a great
time.
To almost everybody else -- my thought of "kill her with
kindness" was meant to be a quick fix, a band aide type of thing
in order for all the girls (including Suzy) to enjoy the last
few days of the trip.
I absolutely agree with not feeding the bully on the long term,
but OP asked about how to best handle the next few days. I just
thought that including Suzy, instead of ignoring her, would be a
teaching experience for all.
I do feel bad for Suzy because if nobody treats her with
kindness, even because of her behavior, then she is a lost soul.
#Post#: 76010--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: Sweet Jane Date: June 22, 2022, 5:30 pm
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So, after the kids returned, the parents were debriefed. The
chaperones attempted to talk to Suzy's mother to discuss her
behavior but Suzy's mother was not interested in talking. She
also did not participate in the debriefing.
Suzy's behavior was actually worse than what my daughter
described to me. The chaperones were proud of how the girls
handled Suzy - they said the other girls never lost their
composure with her, and that when someone was feeling
overwhelmed by Suzy another girl would step in and try to engage
Suzy long enough to let the overwhelmed girl out of the
conversation. I got the sense that by the end of the trip, the
chaperones were keeping Suzy home partly as a consequence to her
behavior and partly to give the rest of the girls a break.
I do feel for Suzy and I don't think she's being set up with the
skills she'll need to function as an adult. But that's not my
problem, and definitely not my daughter's problem, to fix.
#Post#: 76020--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: TootsNYC Date: June 23, 2022, 12:28 pm
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I agree with jpcher, to a large degree.
Sometimes the counterintuitive approach is the effective one.
I'd suggest that the adults (and maybe even the girls) take
turns, so no one is burdened for very long. And that they spend
a little time laser-focusing on Suzy, to placate her, and then
swap off.
It's not fair to the kids, but it would make the whole trip a
little better. It sounds like that's almost what they ended up
doing.
#Post#: 77518--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: Star Wars Fan Date: October 25, 2022, 10:47 pm
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[quote author=Surly link=topic=2357.msg75989#msg75989
date=1655863545]
Ugh, poor Suzy. I wish things had worked out better for her.
[/quote]
Well maybe Suzy will finally realize that everybody hates her
because of her own bad behavior. There's nothing like being your
own worst enemy.
Ed.
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