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#Post#: 75939--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: Hmmm Date: June 18, 2022, 9:32 am
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[quote author=lakey link=topic=2357.msg75932#msg75932
date=1655516302]
[quote]If I were one of the chaperone's I would be calling the
girls parents and telling them she was on the next plane home.
Standing around yelling is unacceptable behavior. [/quote]
That's a safety issue and probably not an option. My suspicion
is that, not only the girls, but also the adults knew that this
girl had these kinds of behavior and social problems. Taking her
on an out of state trip like this was a mistake. At least if the
trip had been close to home, the parents could be told to come
and get her. Everyone is probably going to have to accept the
situation and do the best they can for the last few days.
snip
[/quote]
It shouldn't be a safety issue at all. These are 13/14 year
olds. They can still fly as an unaccompanied minor where they
are hand held gate to gate.
I've known of challenged kids who's parents didn't believe there
was an issue so wasn't getting them help. They felt there kids
were just being excluded or picked on. Until something like
being sent home from summer camp or expelled from the summer
acting program. It's time to make the girl's behavior the
parents' problem.
#Post#: 75940--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: lakey Date: June 18, 2022, 10:00 am
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[quote]It shouldn't be a safety issue at all. These are 13/14
year olds. They can still fly as an unaccompanied minor where
they are hand held gate to gate.[/quote]
It may be legal, and it may meet airline requirements, but I
wouldn't want to be responsible for putting someone else's
unaccompanied 13/14 year old on an airline flight. Maybe it's
just my own experiences, but I don't trust airlines.
#Post#: 75941--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: Lula Date: June 18, 2022, 10:02 am
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2357.msg75939#msg75939
date=1655562736]
It's time to make the girl's behavior the parents' problem.
[/quote]
Quoted for truth. It sounds like Suzy's parents are the
ultimate source of the problem here. Armchair psychologist me
wonders whether they've spent Suzy's life dismissing her
concerns the same way they dismiss the concerns of other adults,
and Suzy is, in fact, starving for attention and at a loss for
ways to obtain it that are both appropriate and effective.
#Post#: 75943--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: Rose Red Date: June 18, 2022, 11:15 am
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Yeah, I also think the girl's home life is the root of the
problem but another child is not equipped to analyze and solve.
It's up to another adult to talk to the parents or coach the
child or recommend counseling.
As a bullied child (now a more confident adult), if my peer
screams at me, I'm going remove myself from the abuse. I won't
scream back and will treat them in a professional manner if
forced to interact, but I'm not interested in killing them with
kindness or dig deep for an explanation for their behavior.
I think a child *should* attempt to be friends first, but if not
successful, they should be able to walk away without adults
telling them to try to get along with bullies.
Again, I feel bad for Suzy because she has deep issues but she
IS a bully, and one can't force her parents to seek counseling,
especially since they don't (or won't) acknowledge Suzy is the
problem.
#Post#: 75946--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: sandisadie Date: June 18, 2022, 1:48 pm
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Maybe after the girls return home is the time for the
appropriate person in the Scouts to inform the parents that this
child will not be included in away from home activities because
of her disruptive behavior. Adults should not be urging a child
to try to get along with a bully IMO.
#Post#: 75956--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: Rho Date: June 18, 2022, 10:22 pm
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"Maybe after the girls return home is the time for the
appropriate person in the Scouts to inform the parents that this
child will not be included in away from home activities because
of her disruptive behavior."
After returning home the Scouts policy about inviting a member
to leave a troop should be investigated. Then inform Suzy she
can no longer be a member of this troop for any activities
anywhere, any time.
#Post#: 75969--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 19, 2022, 6:16 pm
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I am sorry that your DD is going through this. It's
disappointing that Suzy was permitted to join them when the
problem was known and even flagged. But it sounds like the OP is
not in a position to send Suzy home or even encourage her
parents to get help (two things that I do think needs to
happen). It sounds like the OP needs to get DD through this
trip. I agree that tween/teens are not equipped to fix Suzy's
issues, so taking themselves out of the situation is best. I
might give my DD a stock phrase to use. "Suzy, I am going to
walk away until you calm down and speak kindly to me." I don't
think it is going to change the behavior, but it might be the
best she's got. Then I would tell her to focus on making
memories with the scouts that are behaving kindly. I would
encourage them not to gossip about Suzy and focus on the fun.
"Let's enjoy this walk. I can't believe how beautiful the ocean
is!" While this is obviously going to taint the experience, I do
hope that she leaves with some fun memories and maybe some
experience of interacting with unpleasant individuals.
#Post#: 75976--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip
By: Sweet Jane Date: June 20, 2022, 1:30 pm
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The girls are coming home today. My daughter says they had a
great time despite Suzy.
Suzy's behavior got worse as the week went on, and the
chaperones started setting consequences for her misbehavior. By
the end of the week Suzy had to stay at the house a lot while
the other girls were taking small side trips.
As for the troop, this trip was a bit of a farewell for them.
The girls are aging out of their current troop. My daughter will
be moving on to a Senior troop that doesn't accept all
applicants - you need a recommendation to get in. I can't
imagine that Suzy will get a recommendation, so we probably
don't have to worry about her there.
#Post#: 75989--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: Surly Date: June 21, 2022, 9:05 pm
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Ugh, poor Suzy. I wish things had worked out better for her.
#Post#: 75991--------------------------------------------------
Re: Keeping a negative child from ruining the trip - update post
17
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 22, 2022, 5:29 am
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I have been thinking about the chaperones. It sounds like this
should have been a relatively easy trip; maybe even fun and
somewhat relaxing. I can't imagine how stressful it must have
been to try to deal with this situation. It sounds like they
weren't prepared for how to deal with Suzy, as the rules would
have been set out clearly prior to leaving. Either way, it
sounds like they did their best and everyone has returned safe
and sound and even with some great memories.
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