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#Post#: 75895--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you, as a parent, handle sibling rivalry/angst?
By: jpcher Date: June 15, 2022, 1:21 pm
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Thanks, DaDancingPsych. Your post was very thought provoking.
How involved do I want to get? I'm not sure.
I think I'll start by calling the older nephew for a wellness
check (he came down with COVID) and just a thank you for
attending the wedding and see how that all goes.
Then I'll call the younger nephew just to thank him for
attending, what a great time it was, how good to see you, etc.
I won't mention the anger I felt flowing off of them, just a
friendly chat. We'll see what happens from there.
Thanks for all of your help!
#Post#: 76125--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you, as a parent, handle sibling rivalry/angst?
By: TootsNYC Date: June 29, 2022, 9:25 am
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my parents, and now I, insist on basic civility.
So talking smack about anyone is rude, no matter what.
In the case of these brothers, it's rude TO THEIR AUDIENCE, not
just to the other brother.
So that's what I would focus on, were I the parent of these two.
Now that they're grown, you don't have as much influence or
leverage, but I'd use what I could. Even if it meant that I
couldn't have them both at my house at the same time. Or even if
it meant that I refused to be in contact with one of them, or I
put them in a timeout. I'd be bummed, but my own personal wishes
are less important than the lesson I'm teaching them.
My parents were also not afraid to weigh in on the source or
cause of the conflict itself. There can be a right or wrong
side, and my parents were absolutely not shy about identifying
it, and giving a wake-up call to the one of us who was wrong. It
can matter "who started it." And telling us when we were wrong,
or unfair, or unrealistic, or overreacting, was an important
part of teaching us how to be decent human beings.
"Sure, he spoke to you in a snotty tone of voice, but you were
way out of line by what you said. Don't you see how hurtful that
was?"
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