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#Post#: 75269--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: NFPwife Date: May 4, 2022, 3:08 pm
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[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=2341.msg75267#msg75267
date=1651693913]
I agree with SandieSadie's POV. I would add that if I had proof
that this was a scam (prior convictions, identical emails to
other women, etc.), I would feel morally obligated to let
someone know. If Pennie is that interested, tell her to do some
digging.
[/quote]
Thanks. After I saw the birthday thread, I looked at his profile
on FB and reverse searched two of his photos. Nothing came up. I
didn't run his name or do any further digging. I think Pennie is
outsourcing her anxiety and moral obligation to me. Meaning
she's feeling obligated and anxious, but if she can get me to
pick up the responsibility for addressing it then she's met her
obligation and her anxiety decreases. My not picking this up has
her in a tizzy. She's messaged three more times this morning
with evidence and concerns and I've been replying along the
lines of "You have great points, you should message Remy and set
something up to talk to her about this."
#Post#: 75305--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: Hmmm Date: May 6, 2022, 9:41 am
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I don't think you are morally obligated to intervene in her life
since you haven't been close in over a 20 years. I think I'd
tell Penny that you are becoming more and more bothered by your
shared gossiping about this mutual friend.
Sure, go have lunch. Let her chat with about him. Even ask how
often they video chat. If she says they never do, then maybe ask
if she is comfortable with not video chatting. Does she have
concerns of it being a scam. If she says no, then leave it
alone. I'm sure there are others closer to her that have raised
concerns if there is a reason to raise concerns.
#Post#: 75317--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: Gellchom Date: May 6, 2022, 2:02 pm
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Do you or Pennie know Remy’s mother and sister well enough to
discuss this with them? Would that feel like a betrayal? It
depends on all the relationships.
For what it’s worth, I see lots of red flags, too.
#Post#: 75336--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: jpcher Date: May 7, 2022, 9:25 am
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Taking a different tack here . . .
I'm curious as to Pennie's relationship with Remy. Has Pennie
been in contact with Remy for a longer time than you have? You
haven't seen Remy face to face in decades, but does Pennie have
a get-together type of relationship with Remy?
How close are you to Pennie? Do the two of you have face time?
I'm asking just to get the dynamic picture of the three of your
relationships because it seems like Pennie is trying to rope you
into doing something that you're not comfortable with.
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=2341.msg75269#msg75269
date=1651694880] I've been replying along the lines of "You have
great points, you should message Remy and set something up to
talk to her about this."
[/quote]
Since it's pretty obvious from your posts that you do not want
any part of an 'intervention' I think that you should stick firm
with this stance. Possibly give Pennie a few coaching/talking
points and maybe encouragement . . . or not.
I understand the need to help a friend avoid possible disaster,
but at what cost? Are you close enough to Remy that a
conversation about "The man you love might be a reeeealy bad
choice" will not push Remy away from your friendship? Are you
close enough to Remy that you will be there to pick up the
pieces if things go bad? Will you support her decision no matter
what choice she makes?
As far as romance scams, I have no experience or advice.
After all I said, my main point is that you need to decide what
action is best for you and your friendship with Remy . . . and
Pennie.
Good luck! Please keep us informed. Curious minds want to know!
;D
#Post#: 75340--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: Aleko Date: May 7, 2022, 12:30 pm
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[quote]There are several red flags, but nothing's super clear
cut. For instance, her reason for wanting to move to another
state isn't just about opening a business with him. She's wanted
to move for ages. Setting up a business with him is an addition
to that plan; it wasn't the genesis for the plan.[/quote]
Even if moving to another state is something she wanted to do
anyway, and even if setting up a business is also something she
wanted to do anyway, going into business with someone you not
only don't know well but have never actually met in the flesh,
let alone worked on any kind of project with, is just insanely
unwise. If I were Pennie and wanted to intervene, I'd
concentrate on that aspect and avoid the romance aspect
altogether. Even if this guy is totally on the level, he could
well be a total disaster at handling money or running a
business, so that's plenty enough reason to counsel Remy not to
make any move or sink any money in a business with him till
they've made some low-risk trial of living and working together.
And Pennie can give that advice without implying any deceit on
his part, so even if Remy thinks she's being pathetically
cautious she has no reason to take offence.
Edited to add:
And if he really is on the level, he's as rash and foolish as
she is! Two people so lacking in basic caution is a recipe for
disaster.
#Post#: 75357--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: Hmmm Date: May 9, 2022, 9:25 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2341.msg75340#msg75340
date=1651944605]
[quote]There are several red flags, but nothing's super clear
cut. For instance, her reason for wanting to move to another
state isn't just about opening a business with him. She's wanted
to move for ages. Setting up a business with him is an addition
to that plan; it wasn't the genesis for the plan.[/quote]
Even if moving to another state is something she wanted to do
anyway, and even if setting up a business is also something she
wanted to do anyway, going into business with someone you not
only don't know well but have never actually met in the flesh,
let alone worked on any kind of project with, is just insanely
unwise. If I were Pennie and wanted to intervene, I'd
concentrate on that aspect and avoid the romance aspect
altogether. Even if this guy is totally on the level, he could
well be a total disaster at handling money or running a
business, so that's plenty enough reason to counsel Remy not to
make any move or sink any money in a business with him till
they've made some low-risk trial of living and working together.
And Pennie can give that advice without implying any deceit on
his part, so even if Remy thinks she's being pathetically
cautious she has no reason to take offence.
Edited to add:
And if he really is on the level, he's as rash and foolish as
she is! Two people so lacking in basic caution is a recipe for
disaster.
[/quote]
I agree with this part. We don't know if Remy is the one who is
coercing him since she has the desire to move. Maybe he has
great skills as a door refinisher and she wants to move to a new
state and is coercing him with "I'll provide the start up funds
and we can be partners and be your own boss".
I just don't think I'd be receptive to someone I haven't seen in
20 years or more questioning my life choices. It makes
absolutely no sense to me that Penny would expect the OP to
engage in this type of "intervention".
#Post#: 75372--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: cymbaline246 Date: May 10, 2022, 7:44 am
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Lecturing an adult about things like this will just make it
harder for her to save face if it all goes poorly, won't it?
#Post#: 75377--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: TootsNYC Date: May 10, 2022, 1:56 pm
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I'd focus on asking a lot of questions.
#Post#: 75385--------------------------------------------------
Re: Possible Romance Scandal
By: NFPwife Date: May 10, 2022, 7:20 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2341.msg75377#msg75377
date=1652208982]
I'd focus on asking a lot of questions.
[/quote]
I'm willing to do this, to a degree. I think Pennie would like
something closer to an interrogation, I'm willing to do
something between general curiosity and Socratic method. I think
hearing herself talk about this could make a difference. She's
been in a bit of an echo chamber since the start of the pandemic
so just talking it through might help her make some connections.
But, I'm not holding an "intervention" or giving her unsolicited
advice.
I haven't talked to her mom or sister in decades either, or I
would reach out to them.
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