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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 74740--------------------------------------------------
"Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: Jem Date: April 7, 2022, 9:07 am
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Lately I've been seeing social media posts to the effect of:
- "Before you post photos of your beautiful daughter with her
prom date, think about how this might affect the girl who
desperately wanted to go to prom but has no date."
- "You may be excited that your child earned a spot on the
varsity team, but consider that not all people are athletic and
seeing their peers outshine them can damage their already
fragile self esteem."
- "When you post about your child's academic achievements you
need to realize how painful this is for parents of children who
do not excel in school."
These comments rub me the wrong way and I am curious what others
think. I strongly believe that a person should not compare
herself to anyone else but instead strive to be her own
individual best self. I also strongly believe that a person does
not have to diminish anyone else's sparkle to shine herself. I
doubt most people want to hurt others, but I think it is taking
things to far to essentially state that no one should be proud
of their or their children's accomplishments/endeavors because
not all people have accomplished or experienced the same things.
It comes across as an attempt to "yuck someone else's yum," and
unless the post is something like "Thank goodness my Sally has a
date to the prom, unlike my friend Amy's daughter Becca," I just
don't think there is reason for it. To me, attempting to call
someone out for being happy about something is rude.
What are your thoughts?
#Post#: 74741--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: Lilipons Date: April 7, 2022, 10:07 am
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I completely agree, Jem.
I never bothered me that neighbor Nancy was the next Shirley
Temple or that cousin Dougie was sure to be drafted by the NFL.
I’m happy for their talents but those successes aren’t mine.
(Neither of them had that happy fate)
I don’t believe that the blade of grass that stands out should
be mown down. I also don’t believe that that blade of grass
should become a golden spike that all must worship.
Some parents do flaunt the achievements of their children.
Doing it too much or too often can be annoying but a bit of
legitimate pride is just fine and other parents shouldn’t use
that pride to belittle the achievements of their own children.
#Post#: 74742--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: Isisnin Date: April 7, 2022, 10:22 am
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Yes, To respond to a person's post about a life event with a
chastising post is rude. Social media is year-round version of
the classic annual holiday card update of family events. If
someone thinks the event shouldn't have been posted, just don't
respond.
If someone wants to start a discussion on their media about
whether or not people should post about events that's ok. Your
social media your choice. Just don't point to anyone in
particular.
As to the general concept that not everyone can partake in
whatever therefore it shouldn't be posted by anyone. Publicly
announcing life events has been around for at least hundreds of
years, if not millennia. Social media is certainly "more
public", but it is not only the "biggees" of life that can be
publicly celebrated.
I have seen families post about their kids planting their first
garden and then later, post about their first harvest (and post
life stages in-between - which I enjoy following). Kids who
hiked to the top of a mountain (even small ones). Kids who were
in a talent show. Yeah, some kids never did get on the honor
roll or a varsity team or went to prom (and kudos to those kids
who went not with a date, but with a friend(s)), but they still
had achievements
There are many things in life to enjoy and celebrate. Go for it.
#Post#: 74745--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: Hmmm Date: April 7, 2022, 11:07 am
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I've not ran across these types of posts.
Old etiquette guidelines said you shouldn't spend too much time
bragging about your children's accomplishments. The mention of
your daughter getting an MIT scholarship or your son winning the
science fair was acceptable to boast about with close family and
friends. And when doing it in person you were aware if it would
be a sore spot and would refrain mentioning the scholarship if
your friend's son had recently been expelled from college.
But social media has changed everything and some people delight
into posting everything to everyone. I was surprised years ago
that so few of my friends used separate FB groups to share
information. For instance, I had a "close friends and family"
group that I shared to most often about our family. It didn't
seem appropriate to share out that some news with colleagues or
employees of mine who were contacts on FB because it could come
across as gloating or it wouldn't hold a bit of interest to more
distant acquaintances.
In my personal world, I still only share information and
accomplishments to those I think will care. There's no need for
the old HS friend who I haven't seen in 20 years to know my son
made the deans list at college. But I know his aunts and uncles
and a few cousins will be very proud to hear of the
accomplishment.
#Post#: 74751--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: Rose Red Date: April 7, 2022, 12:51 pm
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I don't get many wins in life so when I do, I want the world to
know :D. Not in a smug bragging way, but I don't see anything
wrong with saying "I'm so happy to get an award at work. It's
nice to know my work was noticed" or "Finally saved enough for a
trip" or even "I finished making a quilt."
If I'm triggered by other people's good new, I wouldn't go on
social media. Good things happen to people and that's a
wonderful thing. I don't want to read about unhappiness all the
time. Sometimes we feel bad because good things don't happen to
us or we failed, but it's not the other person's fault.
#Post#: 74752--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: sandisadie Date: April 7, 2022, 1:21 pm
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I think that this way of thinking sounds strange. If you don't
want to hear about the success of others then don't put yourself
into a situation where that would be possible. This attitude
reminds me of the thinking that every child on a team, etc has
to be awarded a metal, trophy, pin, or whatever so nobody will
feel like a failure. What nonsense!
#Post#: 74762--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: Rho Date: April 7, 2022, 10:48 pm
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After my daughter graduated in the bottom half of her High
school class I found out my brothers daughter graduated the same
week 2nd in her high school class but no one wanted to tell me.
They worried I would compare the two girls. Instead I was
denied being able to feel pride in my nieces achievement.
Isn't the expression "s_cks to be you"?
Someone should be able to share happiness if they are not using
it rub in others nose.
#Post#: 74770--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: NFPwife Date: April 8, 2022, 10:06 am
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I've seen those posts and I've also had the opposite happen.
Someone was going through a difficult struggle with her child's
health and she posted (not a cut and paste) a full on diatribe
that she's going through so much and she doesn't want to hear
about your cold or that you're upset that the weather sucks;
some people have real problems. I remember thinking, "Wow, she
went scorched earth."
I wanted to b*&*h about something smallish but aggravating to
me, so I left her and her husband off the post. I forgot to
change it back and a few weeks later she asked me, face to face,
why she hadn't been seeing my posts. I said, "Oh, I wanted to
complain about something and didn't want to upset you so I gave
it a specialized setting, I must have forgotten to undo that."
She didn't say much in the moment, but much, much later posted
something that she hadn't been her best self at that time and
hoped others could forgive her missteps. (It might have been
about that or something else, but I appreciated that she was
taking a little ownership.)
#Post#: 74772--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: sms Date: April 8, 2022, 10:45 am
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I agree, raining on someone else's parade is rude. I'm sure the
people who post such things think they are advocating for
sensitivity but it sounds a little like sour grapes.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, Beyonce included , falls short
somewhere be it intelligence, health, looks, money, education or
circumstance. But that's life.
While sensitivity is a wonderful thing blanket statements that
because someone out there doesn't have the same good fortune we
can't celebrate or acknowledge it is whiny self pity disguised
as sensitivity and consideration.
I do think there's a lot of boasting, attention seeking and
melodrama on social media and in a general sense people should
think of how they come across but if you don't like something
ignore it. Answering someone else's possibly gauche behaviour
with a rude one of your own isn't a good look.
#Post#: 74773--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Your success makes me feel bad. Stop it."
By: oogyda Date: April 8, 2022, 12:43 pm
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I know I posted last year about my neice who requested no
mention of Mother's Day since she is not able to have children
(even though she loves her step-daughter as much as she ever
would love one of her own.....it's just not the same. [sigh!]).
She was offended by any suggestion she might want to stay off
social media since May is National Nurses Month and she wouldn't
want to miss out on all those accolades and chances to post
about everyone is showing their appreciation/adoration.
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