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#Post#: 74545--------------------------------------------------
Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: Hmmm Date: March 29, 2022, 10:44 am
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The discussion of plus ones had me realize that I have attended
weddings as the date of another guest, that I had guests bring
dates to my wedding, and I've attended weddings were I only knew
one of the couple and even in two situations where I had never
met either of the wedding couple.
I'm wondering as weddings have become so much more expensive if
the norm is changing. At my wedding, there were at least 3 of my
husband's Frat Brothers who brought dates. I remember them as
fun and entertaining additions to the party. In my 20's I
remember 2 weddings I attended as the date of the actual guest.
Both were guys I was short term dating. At both of those, the
table we sat at had others who were in attendance as dates only.
I've also attended many a wedding where I only knew one of the
couple. It could either have been a co-worker or a relative. And
there's been a few weddings on my husband's side where I had
never met either of the couple. These are usually the children
of his cousin's who were getting married.
I'm curious about other's experiences.
Also, are there any stories about problems of having "strangers"
at a wedding.
#Post#: 74547--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: Jem Date: March 29, 2022, 11:08 am
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This is a little off topic, but I attended a wedding when I was
in my late 20s along with my then husband. One of his friends,
"Adam" had been invited along with his then girlfriend "Brenda,"
but they broke up in spectacular fashion right around the time
of the invitation and many weeks before the actual wedding.
Closer to the wedding Adam asked if he could bring his new
girlfriend "Carol" and the HC agreed.
Brenda showed up drunk to the ceremony dressed VERY
provocatively and caused a major scene in the parking lot. She
left when Adam threatened to call the police.
Just a weird situation in which Brenda actually WAS invited, but
then disinvited (??? unclear if she knew that or people just
assumed she would figure it out) and a plus-one was substituted.
Adam and Carol got married a few years later and remain married
to this day (not that it really matters to the story).
#Post#: 74551--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: DaDancingPsych Date: March 29, 2022, 1:06 pm
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I have attended weddings as the "plus 1" and knew no one other
than my date. I have also attended at least one wedding were I
only knew the groom and not his bride, family, or any friends,
but I was an invited guest (not a "plus 1").
I'm not sure if it is a waning trend or not. I have always been
invited mostly solo. So much so that I have learned to navigate
the events alone and I am getting pretty good at guessing if
it's going to be a pleasant affair or if I'll find myself alone,
eating cake, lip-syncing to "Can't Help Falling In Love". Now on
the rare occasion that a "and guest" is included on the
invitation, I plan to either attend alone or not at all. It
often feels like less work than figuring the politics of the
situation! :D
#Post#: 74555--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: NFPwife Date: March 29, 2022, 3:27 pm
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My husband worked swing shifts and weekends throughout our
marriage and there were a couple weddings I attended solo. One
stands out as being particularly excruciating. I can usually
chat up anyone and have a good time, but not at this one. I was
seated with couples who all knew each other and just couldn't
connect. I left right after dinner and stopped at a B&N on the
way home for a tea and some browsing. (Way more fun than the
wedding.)
DH and I offered plus ones to our wedding. It never occurred to
me not too; it might be cultural or it might be that we weren't
spending an exorbitant per person catering fee. Several people
didn't take us up on the plus ones. Mostly guys my DH knew who
attended and hung out with each other. I'm not sure if they
didn't want to bring dates or couldn't find dates, but it was a
non-issue to me either way.
#Post#: 74588--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: TootsNYC Date: March 30, 2022, 3:24 pm
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I've never been a random plus-one, never been allowed a random
plus-one.
I've attended weddings where I didn't know one of the couple,
but that's because it's distant family. We certainly knew ONE
side of the couple. I might not have known them well at all, but
my husband was related to them, and I was a wife, not a casual
or even long-time girlfriend.
#Post#: 74641--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: Gellchom Date: April 1, 2022, 10:14 am
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It was over 40 years ago, but I was a plus-one (probably the
term didn't exist yet!) of a friend who was invited to -- are
you ready for this? -- his therapist's wedding!
We've never invited people +1 to anything. A few times, someone
asked if they could bring a date or their kids. Sometimes we
say yes, occasionally no. You almost always have to say no for
kids if others have been told they can't bring theirs.
I get it that sometimes it isn't fun to attend alone. But it's
really not much fun to bring someone who doesn't know anyone
there, either, and then you absolutely have to stick with them
the whole evening. That's not so bad if you don't know anyone
else either, but if there are a bunch of your cousins or
school/work friends there, you're going to want to visit and
have fun with them, too, but you can't neglect your date.
I haven't especially enjoyed weddings where I didn't know anyone
except the bride and/or groom, whom you don't get much chance to
talk to anyway, especially when my husband couldn't make it and
I attended alone. But it wasn't torture, either! I just
chatted a little with people if I felt like it and didn't stay
long.
Depending on the type of wedding, too, it could cost the hosts a
great deal of money to let their guests bring dates. If they
have venue space and budget for more people, I would think they
would prefer to invite more of their own friends/family rather
than have strangers they will never see again at such an
important occasion. It's not like a New Year's Eve party.
#Post#: 74645--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: BeagleMommy Date: April 1, 2022, 1:19 pm
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My mother's Aunt Vincentina had a habit of showing up to
weddings with an extra person (other than Aunt and her husband)
because she "just knew the bride would want So and So invited".
When Mom's youngest sister got married Aunt Vincie showed up
with her daughter Carol (who was a rival of the bride) and her
son Mark. When the band started playing Carol and Mark started
faffing about doing what they called "mood dancing". Basically,
they were making wide sweeping motions and getting in everyone's
way.
Needless to say, the bride was not happy.
#Post#: 74650--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: AnnNottingham Date: April 1, 2022, 5:49 pm
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I attended a wedding with a then-boyfriend as his +1 in which I
knew neither of the couple (they were old high school friends of
the boyfriend).
Another wedding of a good friend was out of town (but within
driving distance). Single guests were offered +1's but I rode
with another guest from my city and I suppose we were each
other's +1. That way, we could split the driving.
At my own wedding, we offered +1's but most of our single guests
(mainly my college friends) came as a group.
I've never really had a terrible experience going solo.
#Post#: 74665--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: NFPwife Date: April 3, 2022, 12:46 pm
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The wedding I attended solo that was a bad experience was a
white wedding, literally and figuratively.
The men at my table kept excusing themselves to the restroom and
returned sniffing and snarling. Two wives were very angry about
it, one girlfriend went with, and one other couple tried to
ignore it all and just talk to each other. I was seated next to
the one man at the table who was also attending solo. I can't
repeat half of what had me slipping out.
#Post#: 74670--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus 1s at weddings and "strangers"
By: bigbadbetty Date: April 3, 2022, 5:10 pm
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It has been interesting reading some of these threads about
having "strangers" at a wedding. In my family, it's normal to
invite the partner of a cousin....even if you haven't met their
partner. Sometimes, it is the way we meet the new partner. We
all don't live in the same city (state or country for that
matter) so weddings often serve a secondary purpose as a family
reunion. I gave everyone at my wedding a plus one if they were
single. No one took me up on it. However, I didn't want to
exclude a new relationship that I didn't know about.
I have also been the stranger at wedding. When I first met my
husband, we went to a wedding of two of his friends that I
hadn't met yet. They were excited to see my husband finally have
a girlfriend that they were happy to extend an invitation to me.
I have never seen a "stranger" misbehave at wedding, but I have
seen the sister of the groom and the best friend of a different
groom cause trouble.
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