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#Post#: 74399--------------------------------------------------
Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: peony Date: March 20, 2022, 3:50 pm
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I recently moved to a new apartment building and I am gradually
getting to know my neighbors. There is an older man in the
apartment next to mine that seemed very nice. We introduced
ourselves and talked pleasantly for a little while. The next
day, I happened to be in the parking lot at the same time this
man was. I caught his eye, and without a single word he turned
his back on me, so I walked to my car and left without a word. I
have never had an adult person literally turn their back to me,
so my gast was truly flabbered. The only thing different about
this second interaction was that I was carrying my cane, which I
had not been the first time. I know I will probably never know
why he's doing this but I am still kind of hurt. The only thing
I can figure out is either it is because of my cane and he has
some sort of aversion to less than healthy people, or perhaps
the resident manager has said something to him about me that he
didn't like, and he's reacting to that. (The manager is frankly
intrusive and a gossiper--she is elderly but stood by me the
entire hour and a half in the hot sun when the movers to move my
stuff into my apartment, just to look at all my stuff, and she
likes to remind people by various remarks that she is always
watching us.) I am trying hard not to let this bother me--a
person who turns his head away when they see me coming is not
worth my time or energy--but I still do feel bad deep inside.
Can someone help me put this into the proper perspective, so I
can let this go and not give it any more brain space?
#Post#: 74400--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: Rose Red Date: March 20, 2022, 4:02 pm
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Do you think he recognized you? I'm someone who will meet
someone and forget their face in a few hours. Heck, I didn't
recognize a coworker at the airport, and I didn't recognize
another one at walmart. I'm bad when people are "out of their
environment."
Wait for another encounter, waive or say hi, and see if he
continues to snub you.
#Post#: 74401--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: DaDancingPsych Date: March 20, 2022, 4:43 pm
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I think that you are jumping to the conclusion that this has
something to do with you and it may have nothing. Maybe he was
distracted by a different thought and he wasn't turning his back
on you, but rather facing a different direction. Or maybe he did
see you, but wasn't in the mood to chat, so he looked away
thinking you might keep walking. Or maybe as Red Rose has
suggested, it simply did not register as to who you are. Or yes,
maybe he's snubbing you for some reason. Even if you do discover
that there's something he doesn't like about you, I would
probably carry forward by smiling and waving. Then you've done
everything that you could to maintain a friendly relationship.
#Post#: 74405--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: peony Date: March 20, 2022, 5:41 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2308.msg74400#msg74400
date=1647810160]
Do you think he recognized you? I'm someone who will meet
someone and forget their face in a few hours. Heck, I didn't
recognize a coworker at the airport, and I didn't recognize
another one at walmart. I'm bad when people are "out of their
environment."
Wait for another encounter, waive or say hi, and see if he
continues to snub you.
[/quote]
He did, this afternoon when I was standing on the porch enjoying
the briefly warm weather. He turned his head away with a little
jerk, so there, like a toddler would do. I am baffled.
#Post#: 74407--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: peony Date: March 20, 2022, 5:45 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2308.msg74401#msg74401
date=1647812587]
I think that you are jumping to the conclusion that this has
something to do with you and it may have nothing. Maybe he was
distracted by a different thought and he wasn't turning his back
on you, but rather facing a different direction. Or maybe he did
see you, but wasn't in the mood to chat, so he looked away
thinking you might keep walking. Or maybe as Red Rose has
suggested, it simply did not register as to who you are. Or yes,
maybe he's snubbing you for some reason. Even if you do discover
that there's something he doesn't like about you, I would
probably carry forward by smiling and waving. Then you've done
everything that you could to maintain a friendly relationship.
[/quote]
He did it this afternoon, and again the other day when I came
home from the grocery store, so there is definitely a pattern.
If we had argued about something I could blame it on that, but
no. Maybe I remind him of someone he dislikes?
I just can't bring myself to smile and wave because I see it as
rewarding his rudeness with politeness. My goal is get to a
neutral stance so that this doesn't keep bothering me mentally.
I still care too much about what others think of me, and I'm in
my sixties.
#Post#: 74409--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: DaDancingPsych Date: March 20, 2022, 7:31 pm
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You are not required to smile and wave, but I don't see it as
rewarding him. It's about taking the high road.
#Post#: 74417--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: Jem Date: March 21, 2022, 9:51 am
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This is all so strange and hurtful! If it were me, I would be
cheerful and stupid (I think that's a Dr. Joy Brown saying),
meaning I would be friendly and cheerful and "stupidly" not
recognize/acknowledge his rudeness. Be the person YOU want to be
rather than the person HE "deserves" you to be. Smile and wave
and go about your day.
I am sorry this happened!
#Post#: 74421--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: sandisadie Date: March 21, 2022, 11:37 am
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I agree that you should continue to be you. If you usually
smile and wave at your neighbors when you see them, then
continue to do that no matter how this man reacts. If he has
decided, for whatever reason, that he doesn't want to recognize
you then that is his loss. That's how I've always handled
interactions with my neighbors. For instance, we've lived
beside a middle aged couple for ten years (they sold their house
and moved last year). The wife was always friendly and we've
carried on conversations many times. Her husband, on the other
hand, liked to do the "turn the head and pretend" kind of thing.
If we were both outside at the same time I'd usually call out a
friendly greeting and give a wave anyway.
#Post#: 74425--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: sms Date: March 21, 2022, 6:25 pm
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Other people are nicer than I am. I can see giving him the
benefit of the doubt the first time or two ( didn't recognize,
distracted, whatever ) but after repeated, unexplained snubs?
Forget it.
It's not worth trying to figure out. You know you did nothing
wrong.
Some people get their jollies trying to keep others guessing,
blowing hot and cold. The ball would be squarely in his court
for further interaction and even then I would only be coolly
polite.
#Post#: 74429--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nasty neighbor--please help me put this into perspective
By: peony Date: March 21, 2022, 9:14 pm
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[quote author=Xainte link=topic=2308.msg74425#msg74425
date=1647905117]
Other people are nicer than I am. I can see giving him the
benefit of the doubt the first time or two ( didn't recognize,
distracted, whatever ) but after repeated, unexplained snubs?
Forget it.
It's not worth trying to figure out. You know you did nothing
wrong.
Some people get their jollies trying to keep others guessing,
blowing hot and cold. The ball would be squarely in his court
for further interaction and even then I would only be coolly
polite.
[/quote]
Perhaps I should try to be friendly anyhow, but I just can't
bring myself to do it this time since I've had to do it too many
times in the past.
I have met people in the past who blow hot and cold and I was
able to brush off their treatment of me when I witnessed them
doing it to other people as well. Maybe it's because this
instance seems focused on me alone that I am taking it too much
to heart. Thank you all for your suggestions and comments, and
thank you, Xainte, for saying"You know you did nothing wrong."
The validation really helps.
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