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#Post#: 74894--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: Gellchom Date: April 14, 2022, 3:44 am
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I agree with those who say this is a communication issue, not
who is right or wrong about the appropriate amount of
conversation on a car trip.
I get it that hours of conversation is really hard for some
people. But passengers may also feel like it’s insulting not to
talk to the driver, as if they were a taxi driver or that you
are not interested in their company, just a free ride. (Imagine
if the situation were reversed: you offer a friend a ride on a
trip, and you DO want to talk, but she puts on headphones and
listens to a book the whole time while you drive her as if you
were a hired car service.) In any case, it’s unkind to handle
things in a way that implies that someone’s company is so
tedious that you have to bring a book so you don’t have to talk
to them, or that you are welcoming a chance to announce “My car,
my rules!” And it’s so unnecessary.
Don’t blindside her. If I were going on a car trip with a group
and found only at the last minute that the others were going to
listen to a book most of the trip, perhaps one they’d already
begun and that I had no interest in, and I were expected to do
nothing but sit quietly for hours, I’d be miffed. If they’d
simply told me in advance, I’d have been able to catch up on the
book, or bring my own audiobook and earphones, or some other
amusement.
This isn’t a random hitchhiker, it’s Mom. It’s fine not to want
to chat the whole time! But it’s very inconsiderate not to
discuss the plans with her, and for that matter ask her how she
feels about it, as if she were not a member of the family on a
trip, but just some extra piece of luggage they were bringing
with no opinion or feelings worth considering.
It just seems so simple to avoid insult and inconvenience. Well
before the trip: “Mom, we are planning on listening to a book
for most of the trip next week. There is one we think sounds
really interesting; here’s a link so you can check it out and
decide if you want to listen, too, or if you’d prefer to bring
something else along to do instead so you won’t be bored while
we all do.” Really, she should be involved in choosing the book,
too; I assume you considered her tastes as well as your own. I
can’t think of any good reason not to do any of that.
Long trips can be hard enough without turning them into
completely unnecessary and easily avoidable power struggles.
#Post#: 74924--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: TootsNYC Date: April 15, 2022, 9:58 am
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also--say something like this:
"Sometimes when the trip is long, it gets tough on people,
because there's no alone time. We don't get a break from one
another. So what happens is that we let it be silent--no
conversation. It's important to keep people from climbing the
walls, which can be dangerous in a car.
"I wanted to alert you, and ask you to notice if the rest of
us get quiet, and to join us in a little bit of mental solitude
and silence. If that's hard for you, maybe you can bring a book
or a podcast."
And then, if it seems that people are drifting out and Mom wants
to keep talking, say something like, "I think this is a good
time for people to have some quiet time and a break from
conversation. Let's give it about 15 minutes."
#Post#: 74927--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: Sara Crewe Date: April 16, 2022, 3:03 am
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I hate having non stop talking - which is why having an audio
book going for two hours straight would drive me crazy. I’m not
a chatty person at all but I’d probably be talking to try and
drown it out. I wouldn’t even be able to read a book (my
preferred method of distraction on long trips) because the
constant noise would be too distracting. Just the thought of
being trapped in a car for two or three hours with non stop
noise (and unlike normal conversation, an audio book
literally.never.stops) makes me shudder.
I think the only thing you can do is talk to your mother in
advance and try and come to some agreement as to what is
comfortable for you. You can’t stand the constant talking from
her - she may feel the same way about the audio book.
#Post#: 74928--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: Wanaca Date: April 16, 2022, 3:33 am
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[quote author=Sara Crewe link=topic=2306.msg74927#msg74927
date=1650096219]
I hate having non talking - which is why having an audio book
going for two hours straight would drive me crazy. I’m not a
chatty person at all but I’d probably be talking to try and
drown it out. I wouldn’t even be able to read a book (my
preferred method of distraction on long trips) because the
constant noise would be too distracting. Just the thought of
being trapped in a car for two or three hours with non stop
noise (and unlike normal conversation, an audio book
literally.never.stops) makes me shudder.
I think the only thing you can do is talk to your mother in
advance and try and come to some agreement as to what is
comfortable for you. You can’t stand the constant talking from
her - she may feel the same way about the audio book.
[/quote]
It would drive me crazy too. Would it be possible for her to
drive without being on the highways? Is there anyone more
compatible for your mom to ride with? Or is it that her only
option is to either ride with your family or not go at all? I
feel sad for her. I hope there's a solution.
#Post#: 74948--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: Hmmm Date: April 18, 2022, 9:16 am
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I think a compromise could easily work for you all. Let your mom
know before hand that your family really enjoys listening to
audio books and that you'll be breaking up the ride listening
during the trip. Suggest that if she doesn't think she would
enjoy the audio book, to bring head phones so she can listen to
music.
Then during the trip, alternate listening to a few chapters,
then taking a break and chatting, then going back to the audio
book.
If she interrupts during the audio book, just be honest and say
"Sorry, I didn't hear what you said. This chapter is almost
over." Then rewind to the point where she interrupted and
re-listen. After twice of this happening, she'll realize not
interrupting is in her best interest.
#Post#: 74952--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: Rose Red Date: April 18, 2022, 12:43 pm
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How about listening, say, three chapters at a time and take a 10
minute break to talk about the book so far or other topics?
Personally, I am introvert but can't imagine keeping silent for
hours, even if just pointing out an interesting view or
something that popped into my head. But that's completely
different than going on non-stop.
#Post#: 74990--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: mime Date: April 20, 2022, 2:55 pm
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OK I can appreciate that my mom listening to an audio book for
the whole drive could be just as fatiguing for her as nonstop
conversation is for me.
I like the suggestion of having quiet time and social time
during the drive. I'll think about that.
I really appreciate the advice-- thank you all!
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