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#Post#: 74372--------------------------------------------------
Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: mime Date: March 19, 2022, 8:00 pm
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When my family travels in the car for more than an hour or two,
we usually play an audio book. It keeps the kids from boredom,
DH and I enjoy it, and it's easy to find a book to please
everyone in my family.
This works well for us... until we have others in the car.
In a 2 hour car ride, my mom will talk the entire way. Sometimes
I feel like she's wracking her brain to come up with topics to
discuss to fill the silence.
Last time she rode with us, we started an audio book but she
kept talking over it. I thought maybe we were rude to play it so
I eventually turned it off, to my family's disappointment.
The kids put on headphones and watched movies, and she
interrupted them from time to time with questions, and talked
about other topics completely irrelevant to them the rest of the
time.
I'm a quiet person. 60 minutes of conversation is more than
enough for me in one sitting. After that, it feels like words
just keep coming at me and I have to process them but they
accumulate in my head, building up pressure that I can't release
until I can have a moment of solitude (that's my best attempt to
describe this feeling). That last 2 hour drive was exhausting.
We're taking a short trip soon with a 3 hour drive. My mom has
never felt comfortable driving on the freeway so she'll ride
with us. I'm starting to regret it.
Would it be rude to tell her that we'll be listening to an
audiobook in the car?
#Post#: 74373--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: STiG Date: March 19, 2022, 8:28 pm
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Your car, your rules, IMO.
'Mom, we like to listen to audio books while we're driving. It
helps DH (and I?) concentrate on driving and the kids really
enjoy it, too. We enjoy the quiet and not needing to make
conversation. Do you have a suggestion for a book you'd like to
listen to that is appropriate for the kids? I can see if the
library has it. Or you could bring your Kindle/Kobo/iPad/book
to read and I can loan you my noise cancelling headphones so our
audiobook doesn't interfere with your reading.'
Or something. I don't think it is rude; you can converse at
your rest stops and other times you aren't in the car.
I'm one of those people who tries to keep a conversation going
in a vehicle. But it would be pretty obvious to me that my car
mates aren't interested if they put on an audio book to listen
to for the ride.
#Post#: 74375--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: AnnNottingham Date: March 19, 2022, 11:00 pm
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I understand you :). I'm an introvert who has to "debrief" all
the words flung at me during a workday, and retreat into my
office. I think I'd go stark screaming mad at 2 hours of talk,
talk, talk.
It's your car, your rules. We have a rule, driver sets the
radio station (or Pandora, these days). You get to play an
audiobook, but it would be nice to find one that everyone likes.
Or, you choose one for going, your mom chooses one for coming
back.
#Post#: 74378--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: March 20, 2022, 12:12 am
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INFO: do you see your mum often? That is, are these car trips
her way of trying to catch up with y'all, and get to bond with
her grandkids?
Otherwise, if you and your family see your mum often, then yeah,
I'd find her constant conversation (for hours!) in the car
rather annoying.
I don't think you'd be rude in telling her that your family will
be listening to an audiobook. Actually, for an even better idea,
could your mum pick a book to read to your kids during the trip?
Make her the narrator!
#Post#: 74384--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: March 20, 2022, 6:39 am
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I agree that the best avenue is to discuss things prior to the
trip. If she's aware of your plans to listen to the audio book,
she can plan accordingly. This also puts her on the know that
chatter is not necessary, as I often think that it's my
responsibility as a passenger to keep the driver(s) alert. It
might also be nice to compromise a bit if she does prefer some
talk.
Personally, I might find your trip style exhausting (especially
if I was not enjoying the book). There is nothing wrong with the
audio book; it's just not in my preference. If this was sprung
on me, it might sour a trip. However, if I was given the
opportunity to plan ahead, I could find ways to entertain myself
or even select a different travel plan. This is why I think that
your best bet is to communicate with mom so that you can best
understand everyone's expectations.
#Post#: 74388--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: Rose Red Date: March 20, 2022, 9:04 am
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No it's not rude to let her know. Kindly tell her that driving
is a chore but listening to an audiobook makes it easier, and
that you'd love to converse with her after you arrive at the
destination. Like others said, let her choose the book or let
her know you won't be offended if she put in earbuds and listen
to her own thing.
#Post#: 74391--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: sandisadie Date: March 20, 2022, 10:44 am
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Speaking as a very older person who doesn't get out as much as
I'd like, I'd be interested to know how often your mother
interacts with your family. On the other hand, I would find a
two hour drive with no conversation to be never ending. I
personally don't want to listen to an audio book if I didn't
know ahead of time that I would not be able to carry on a
conversation during the trip. So please talk with your mother
and help her plan something she enjoys doing while in the
vehicle. Obviously she is not interested in listening to these
books.
I have taken many, many road trips - some lasted for weeks.
Everyone has always been interested in talking at times and
being silent at times - even napping. Also when we would get in
a difficult traffic situation, etc the driver would ask everyone
to be silent until the problem was behind us. Discussing the
trip ahead of time and letting everyone know what is expected
from them is very important. I would not expect to keep silent
in this situation unless I was made aware of it ahead of time.
#Post#: 74426--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: katiekat2009 Date: March 21, 2022, 7:46 pm
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Since this is an etiquette page, I think, when you have a guest,
you are required to entertain that guest - even if it's your
mother. Would you do this to her at your home? Bless her heart -
you're going to miss her when she's gone.
#Post#: 74432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: mime Date: March 21, 2022, 10:36 pm
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Thanks for your thoughts!
To cover the question a few of you asked: my mom spends all day
every Sunday at my house and we usually talk 1-2 other times
during the week so we don't have much catching up to do. Since
it's all day every Sunday, I find little breaks from the
conversation in the form of putting in a load of laundry or
helping kids with homework. The drive worries me though because
there's no break.
I was secretly hoping to hear 'my car my rules' tbh... I'm glad
some of you see it that way.
I will try to find an audio book or podcast that appeals to her.
I guess the mix of kids who are bored and grandmother who wants
to keep talking and parents who want a little peace and quiet on
a long drive is an unfortunate mix that we can't avoid!
#Post#: 74800--------------------------------------------------
Re: Long car ride and (no) conversation?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: April 9, 2022, 12:41 am
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[quote author=pjeans link=topic=2306.msg74432#msg74432
date=1647920202]
Thanks for your thoughts!
To cover the question a few of you asked: [b/]my mom spends all
day every Sunday at my house and we usually talk 1-2 other times
during the week so we don't have much catching up to do. Since
it's all day every Sunday, I find little breaks from the
conversation in the form of putting in a load of laundry or
helping kids with homework.[/b] The drive worries me though
because there's no break.
I was secretly hoping to hear 'my car my rules' tbh... I'm glad
some of you see it that way.
I will try to find an audio book or podcast that appeals to her.
I guess the mix of kids who are bored and grandmother who wants
to keep talking and parents who want a little peace and quiet on
a long drive is an unfortunate mix that we can't avoid!
[/quote]
Given this additional information, I think you'd be ok in nicely
explaining to your mum that on the car trip, you'll be listening
to an audiobook to keep the kids entertained (and you could even
say that it helps the driver to relax and focus, etc).
If your mum insists on talking over the audiobook, then I think
she'd be the inconsiderate one.
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