DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Entertaining and Hospitality
*****************************************************
#Post#: 75653--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: Contrarian Date: May 26, 2022, 11:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=gellchom link=topic=2281.msg73639#msg73639
date=1644324159]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=2281.msg73632#msg73632
date=1644263659]
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=2281.msg73610#msg73610
date=1644202992]
It seems she says she's allergic to anything she doesn't like
the first time and is just a picky eater. This can seriously
cramp other people's cooking styles.
Is there anything that can be done about this?
[/quote]
I don't understand why this would cramp anyone's cooking styles.
If she asks whether a dish has something she claims to be
allergic to in it, be honest with her. She is an adult and can
choose to eat it or not. I don't think it is necessary to cater
to people like that. I certainly don't expect people to consider
my preferences when cooking. I can choose to eat a dish or not.
I can choose to eat what I prefer before or after a dining
experience if I choose not to eat what is served (or much of
what is served).
I don't see any need to call anyone out for anything. I am not
sure what the goal of that would be.
[/quote]
I really hate it when guests don't tell me about allergies,
aversions, or other restrictions, especially because I always
ask in advance. The pleasure of hosting is pleasing your
guests. It is no fun to cook a meal that people won't enjoy or
even eat at all.
[/quote]
I get this to an extent but I’m so picky that there will always
be something I won’t eat. But I also eat so many things.
When cooking for a large group, sure if someone doesn’t eat
anything it’s a bummer, but what if you have someone you like
and they just won’t eat most things? Is it better to to just not
invite them?
Once in a group we had to order pizza and I didn’t want any
accommodations but it was insisted and then finally we had a
pizza with olive oil, feta and bell peppers and olives. I took
off the olives and ate it. The person was so freaking mad at me
but it took us forever just to get to there and why can’t I just
take off the olives if everyone else wants them?
Another time a friend had me over. She cooked dinner for me
often (but would never accept invitations from me which was
frustrating. She would notice if I ate the salad but not the
tomatoes or if I left any one thing untouched.
She would say things like, be careful with the salsa, it’s
spicy, I know you don’t like spicy things. (I do).
Anyway, dinner was always nice and the point was that we would
chat, catch up, exchange ideas. But she really watched what I
ate.
I am so picky and allergic (not deathly but I don’t see why
people should get hives or feel nauseated to be polite) to so
many things that I hate talking about food.
Finally, she demanded a list of what I won’t eat. So I gave it
to her. Mushrooms was on the list.
The next time I went to dinner she served me a salad and chicken
breast in a mushroom sauce. I ate the salad and half the chicken
and pushed the sauce off the chicken. The look of disgust she
gave me while packing up the chicken because she insisted on
sending it home with me was not pleasant.
I’m not sure if it’s that I didn’t eat the mushrooms or that I
didn’t eat the full chicken breast. I’ve never been able to eat
a full chicken breast.
But anyway, maybe not always make it a challenge to serve that
picky eater what they will eat in full. Sometimes we just don’t
want it highlighted or talked about or to be a challenge.
Isn’t it enough that most of the party enjoyed all of the
cooking while one really loved the salad and bread?
#Post#: 75666--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: jpcher Date: May 26, 2022, 5:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Contrarian link=topic=2281.msg75651#msg75651
date=1653580239]
For the rest of us, who want to enjoy your company, and don’t
want to be asked, “why aren’t you eating this?” “Why haven’t
you tried that?” Just let us quietly take care of ourselves with
what’s on offer and enjoy spending time together.
Don’t ask why. Don’t ask what. Most of us don’t want to talk
about it and be judged by it or questioned about it in a room
full of or peers.
[/quote]
and
[quote author=Contrarian link=topic=2281.msg75653#msg75653
date=1653581341]Isn’t it enough that most of the party enjoyed
all of the cooking while one really loved the salad and bread?
[/quote]
Are excellent points and what you said above is exactly the way
a host should handle "picky" eaters. (using "picky" in a
non-offensive way here)
The difference between your posts and OP's friend ("It seems she
says she's allergic to anything she doesn't like the first time
and is just a picky eater. This can seriously cramp other
people's cooking styles.") is that OPs friend makes it all about
her and demands a specific menu to her liking while you are
willing to enjoy the company of friends without making a fuss
over what foods are being served.
#Post#: 75668--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: OnyxBird Date: May 26, 2022, 8:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=jpcher link=topic=2281.msg75666#msg75666
date=1653603206]
[quote author=Contrarian link=topic=2281.msg75651#msg75651
date=1653580239]
For the rest of us, who want to enjoy your company, and don’t
want to be asked, “why aren’t you eating this?” “Why haven’t
you tried that?” Just let us quietly take care of ourselves with
what’s on offer and enjoy spending time together.
Don’t ask why. Don’t ask what. Most of us don’t want to talk
about it and be judged by it or questioned about it in a room
full of or peers.
[/quote]
and
[quote author=Contrarian link=topic=2281.msg75653#msg75653
date=1653581341]Isn’t it enough that most of the party enjoyed
all of the cooking while one really loved the salad and bread?
[/quote]
Are excellent points and what you said above is exactly the way
a host should handle "picky" eaters. (using "picky" in a
non-offensive way here)
The difference between your posts and OP's friend ("It seems she
says she's allergic to anything she doesn't like the first time
and is just a picky eater. This can seriously cramp other
people's cooking styles.") is that OPs friend makes it all about
her and demands a specific menu to her liking while you are
willing to enjoy the company of friends without making a fuss
over what foods are being served.
[/quote]
Sorry, did I miss a post where the OP said the friend demands a
specific menu? I know the friend was described as "picky" and
prone to claiming allergies, despite having eaten foods
containing the claimed allergen to without apparent harm, but I
didn't see her being described as demanding the menu meet her
criteria (at least not in the current thread?). The original
post said she asked if the dish contains pepper, not that she
asked (or demanded) for it to be made without pepper.
Asking if a dish has pepper in it (and declining to eat it if
so) is just setting boundaries for what foods the person willing
to eat, just as Contrarian describes. In this case, the OP led
her to believe it was "safe" (without pepper), so it's not clear
whether the friend would have complained about not being able to
eat it or just have eaten whatever else was available. For
someone who plans to just eat what they can, asking about
ingredients when people mention what they plan to make would be
helpful for figuring out how much of the meal is likely to be
"safe" and adjusting accordingly (e.g., bringing a heartier
contribution to a potluck to ensure at least one "safe" dish, or
having a strategic snack if there won't be much food that meets
her criteria).
Venus193 obviously finds the friend's limited diet a hindrance,
but it's not clear to me whether that is because the friend is
actually demanding to be catered to or because Venus193 feels an
obligation to choose dishes that everyone at the gathering
can/will eat. (The friend's limitations obviously do hold her
back from eating things she might enjoy, since she loved the
boeuf bourgignon, but that's a separate issue from whether she's
demanding.)
#Post#: 75673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: jpcher Date: May 27, 2022, 10:34 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My apologies. I must have been reading between the lines and
putting different thoughts together from other posters.
OnyxBird -- thank you for pointing this out.
Please disregard my previous post.
#Post#: 75676--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: STiG Date: May 27, 2022, 1:31 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree with Contrarian, to a point.
When I invite people over for dinner, I usually ask if there are
any things to avoid - I don't ask if it is allergy or dislike.
I ask because I want my guest(s) to enjoy the meal. If you
don't tell me and I just happen to make every dish with
something you can't eat, I'll be upset when you don't eat
anything. And a little hurt that you wouldn't tell me. If one
of your no go foods is integral to a main dish, I'll change the
menu. Every dish may not be safe but you'll be able to eat at
least the main.
My Son-in-law has this thing where he prefers his foods not to
touch each other and mostly eats all of one thing before moving
on to the next. I originally thought this meant that he was a
meat and potatoes kind of guy but no. If the foods are cooked
all together, that's fine. I never tease him during a meal. I
have teased him later when I found some divided dishes in my
cupboard that I was no longer using and asked if he'd like them.
SIL also loves pie. When most of us would have pie with whipped
cream or ice cream, he likes it in a bowl with milk on it. Is
it a little weird? Sure. But I now I just ask him if he'd like
a bowl and hand him the jug of milk. And I'm glad he's
comfortable enough with me to let me know that's what he'd like.
#Post#: 75677--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: BeagleMommy Date: May 27, 2022, 1:49 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2281.msg75676#msg75676
date=1653676277]
I agree with Contrarian, to a point.
When I invite people over for dinner, I usually ask if there are
any things to avoid - I don't ask if it is allergy or dislike.
I ask because I want my guest(s) to enjoy the meal. If you
don't tell me and I just happen to make every dish with
something you can't eat, I'll be upset when you don't eat
anything. And a little hurt that you wouldn't tell me. If one
of your no go foods is integral to a main dish, I'll change the
menu. Every dish may not be safe but you'll be able to eat at
least the main.
My Son-in-law has this thing where he prefers his foods not to
touch each other and mostly eats all of one thing before moving
on to the next. I originally thought this meant that he was a
meat and potatoes kind of guy but no. If the foods are cooked
all together, that's fine. I never tease him during a meal. I
have teased him later when I found some divided dishes in my
cupboard that I was no longer using and asked if he'd like them.
SIL also loves pie. When most of us would have pie with whipped
cream or ice cream, he likes it in a bowl with milk on it. Is
it a little weird? Sure. But I now I just ask him if he'd like
a bowl and hand him the jug of milk. And I'm glad he's
comfortable enough with me to let me know that's what he'd like.
[/quote]
BeagleDaddy's best friend eats cake in a bowl with milk poured
over it. I said one day I'm going to make a tres leches cake
for him. He'll love it. ;D ;D
#Post#: 75678--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: Gellchom Date: May 27, 2022, 1:56 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2281.msg75676#msg75676
date=1653676277]
I agree with Contrarian, to a point.
When I invite people over for dinner, I usually ask if there are
any things to avoid - I don't ask if it is allergy or dislike.
I ask because I want my guest(s) to enjoy the meal. If you
don't tell me and I just happen to make every dish with
something you can't eat, I'll be upset when you don't eat
anything. And a little hurt that you wouldn't tell me. If one
of your no go foods is integral to a main dish, I'll change the
menu. Every dish may not be safe but you'll be able to eat at
least the main.
[/quote]
This.
If your host asks you, you need to answer honestly, or you are
setting them up for failure. I know that this is hard for
people with long lists of foods to avoid. But in that case, I'd
suggest giving a list of really really really must avoid items.
Then if something you don't especially like but didn't mention
is served, eat a little of it anyway -- it won't kill you. If
that's impossible, then maybe socializing in restaurants or your
own home instead, or plans that don't include food at all, would
work best.
I get it about the focus on socializing, not the food. And you
aren't meaning to reject your hosts' hospitality, generosity,
and hard work. But that's what it's going to feel like from
their point of view, especially if they asked you in advance
about foods you avoid, and they worked hard on a meal to please
you, and then you still turn up your nose at their food.
I once had guests who didn't tell us that they were vegetarians.
And they were the only guests.* So no matter how strenuously
they protested that "we are fine with sides," we were
embarrassed and dismayed, and we certainly didn't feel
comfortable eating the main dish, which was meat, while our
guests ate only sides. "We didn't want you to go to any
trouble" was of course what they said. But we DID go to
"trouble," which is to say effort and expense -- they just
wouldn't eat it. It would have been no more trouble at all to
make a vegetarian menu. And that's what is happening with your
hosts, too. Don't let them go to all that work for nothing, if
they asked you in advance.
* This makes a big difference. If you are invited to a large
event with many guests, especially an event with a traditional
or expected menu (Thanksgiving dinner, July 4 cookout, etc.),
that's different, and I would agree that you just discreetly eat
what you can, and hosts should at least pretend not to notice.
But if you are the only, or almost the only, guest at a small
dinner party, do your hosts a favor and tell them. Help them
succeed.
#Post#: 75687--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: Aleko Date: May 28, 2022, 4:00 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Gellchom, I think you pretty much nailed it. Particularly the
point about the numbers of guests - I too would be dismayed and
resentful if I’d put effort into cooking a lovely meal just for
that couple only to find out it was something they were never
going to eat.
And if a host actually asks a guest in advance what they can
eat, the guest should answer honestly: but the degree of detail
offered I think also varies with the numbers being fed. In my
own case, if it is a big group I’d just say that I can eat
pretty much anything, which is true. But if it’s just me, or
only one or two others, I would add ‘. . . though I’m not too
keen on custard or anything aniseedy’, because I know that in
their place I’d want a guest to tell me.
#Post#: 75963--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: Contrarian Date: June 19, 2022, 7:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
To those who say if a host asks me what I won’t like, and I
should respond, I do. I say I don’t eat fish and I’m allergic to
tomatoes.
But I once was given a list of 26 foods and was told to point
out the foods I don’t like. There were 24. I’m thinking most
people don’t want and shouldn’t be given that list of foods.
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be difficult. If you don’t want me at
a gathering because of this, I’m fine with that.
#Post#: 75973--------------------------------------------------
Re: Another Spin-Off: Allergies of Convenience
By: Mistress Mae Date: June 20, 2022, 12:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2281.msg73633#msg73633
date=1644264995]As a person cooking at home, I will also refuse
to cook for someone with allergies or claim they have allergies.
I don't want to hold another person's life in my hands by an
accident. [/quote]
This is me. I don't mean offense to those with allergies when I
tell them that I can not accommodate their allergy, but I really
can't guarantee the safety of the person with the allergy if I
am the one cooking. Especially since many of the common
allergies have already been on many of my kitchen's surface,
including pots, pans, plates, and utensils. Plus no matter if
I've washed the pots, pans, plates, and utensils plenty of times
since their last use, there still is a risk of cross
contamination with dish rags, the sink, the washer, the dryer,
and everything else in between.
*****************************************************
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page