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#Post#: 73572--------------------------------------------------
Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a goo
d cook
By: LifeOnPluto Date: February 4, 2022, 11:12 pm
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The "Complaining Dinner Guest" thread on the General folder made
me think of a situation that occurred in my younger days.
I had a friend called "Carrie", who loved inviting people over
for meals. Unfortunately, Carrie wasn't a great cook. For
example, the first time Carrie hosted a dinner party, she served
spaghetti and mince. The spaghetti was overcooked to the point
where it was almost disintegrating. And the mince had been
undercooked, and was drowning in its own watery liquid. There
was no sauce, herbs, spices - not even salt and pepper. Just the
plain spaghetti and mince.
The second time Carrie hosted, it was a BBQ. Again, the sausages
were cooked only to the point of 'just safe to eat', with the
meat barely browned. There were bread rolls, and some burnt
onion rings, but no butter, or tomato sauce, or anything else,
really. There were one or two other occasions also, including
one where Carrie served home-made cookies that were completely
burnt on the bottom.
At that stage, our friends and I started offering to bring our
own dishes to Carrie's events. However, that kind of turned into
a situation where Carrie would invite us all to a "dinner party"
(or whatever) at her place, and basically we'd all have to
prepare and bring the food and drinks, and Carrie would
provide... well, the seats I guess.
Before anyone asks, I can confirm that all of us in our social
circle took turns in hosting events, so it was definitely not a
one-sided situation where Carrie was always the host and never a
guest.
None of us ever said anything to Carrie about her cooking, and
we always thanked her for hosting, etc. I got the impression
(from some of the things she said) that she genuinely believed
she was a good cook. All this happened years ago, and many of
the group have gone their separate ways. We don't tend to do
dinners these days - I still catch up with Carrie sometimes for
coffee. But I'm wondering - was there anything we could have
said or done back then, without being rude or ungracious?
#Post#: 73574--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: Aleko Date: February 5, 2022, 5:29 am
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I really don’t think there was. It appears from your story that
not only were her tastebuds so non-functional that she really
thought her disintegrating pasta, mushy unseasoned mince and
burnt cookies were nice food, but she was also dense enough that
it just never occurred to her that there had to be a reason why
her invitations were always treated at a potluck when everyone
else provided a full meal when hosting. I don’t see how you
could change that without telling her in plain words that people
were bringing their own dishes to her house because her cooking
was so bad they really didn’t want to eat it. Which would have
been painful for her to hear, however kindly you tried to phrase
it.
And what would that have achieved, anyway? Someone capable of
thinking that disintegrating pasta-and-mince with no sauce,
flavouring or accompaniments is a nice acceptable meal to serve
to guests - heck, anyone who would cook that even for themselves
- is never likely to become a good cook even if they are told
‘That’s rubbish, you need to do better’. Presumably everybody in
the group liked Carrie well enough to collaborate in fixing the
inedible-food problem rather than just claiming to be otherwise
engaged every time she invited you all: which is nice, so I
think that was the right way to handle it.
#Post#: 73577--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: lakey Date: February 5, 2022, 9:02 am
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This is another instance where it's the people who matter, not
the food. As long as there aren't food safety issues, it doesn't
hurt people to eat a badly cooked meal once in a while. This
woman probably cooked the way her mother did.
#Post#: 73579--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: Jem Date: February 5, 2022, 9:27 am
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I would also point out that not everyone likes the same food. I
strongly dislike food with sauce or butter or oil or grease in
or on it. I don’t want the calories and fat and I don’t like the
taste. I would rather have raw vegetables and uncooked fresh
food without sauce. So many times when I am served what many
people consider a well cooked meal I am not enjoying it at all.
Not everyone shares the same tastes.
#Post#: 73580--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: sandisadie Date: February 5, 2022, 9:35 am
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LifeOnPluto what a great story. I've always thought that when
friends get together to share a meal it's mostly about the
people. Evidently your group liked your "terrible cook" friend
so much that you worked out a solution without hurting anyone's
feelings.
#Post#: 73582--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: Aleko Date: February 5, 2022, 1:37 pm
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[quote]I strongly dislike food with sauce or butter or oil or
grease in or on it. I don’t want the calories and fat and I
don’t like the taste.[/quote]
Depends what you mean by “sauce”, surely? I’m sure LoP wasn’t
complaining that there was no ketchup! The classic sauce to go
with pasta and mince is made out of chopped tomatoes, onions and
celery cooked down together with a bit of red wine and/or stock
added, and if it’s properly and freshly made it is as delicious
as it is healthy. Would you prefer to eat your pasta and mince
without that? Surely not!
#Post#: 73584--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: Jem Date: February 5, 2022, 3:24 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2280.msg73582#msg73582
date=1644089844]
[quote]I strongly dislike food with sauce or butter or oil or
grease in or on it. I don’t want the calories and fat and I
don’t like the taste.[/quote]
Depends what you mean by “sauce”, surely? I’m sure LoP wasn’t
complaining that there was no ketchup! The classic sauce to go
with pasta and mince is made out of chopped tomatoes, onions and
celery cooked down together with a bit of red wine and/or stock
added, and if it’s properly and freshly made it is as delicious
as it is healthy. Would you prefer to eat your pasta and mince
without that? Surely not!
[/quote]
I prefer fresh uncooked food. I would prefer to have fresh
tomatoes, fresh onions, etc. rather than anything cooked or with
oil or any sort of grease or butter on it. I wouldn't refuse to
eat something served to me, I just don't like it or prefer it. I
would prefer an apple with peanut butter or carrots with
pretzels to anything that is oily/greasy/sauced.
My point is that not everyone shares the same taste in food.
#Post#: 73589--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: honeybee42 Date: February 5, 2022, 9:16 pm
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I think you handled it as well as possible. The only thing that
even occurs to me is something like looking for a community
college class (the type that is offered to the community, not a
part of a degree) for some relatively low-complexity cooking
classes, and invite someone like Carrie "I'm thinking about
taking this class on winter soups [or whatever is actually on
offer--I once took a Cajun cooking class, for example], but I'd
like to take it with someone ... would you like to take it with
me?"
But barring that--subtly going to potluck when hosted by someone
who is a better friend than cook is probably the best option.
#Post#: 73595--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: NFPwife Date: February 6, 2022, 10:31 am
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=2280.msg73584#msg73584
date=1644096246]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2280.msg73582#msg73582
date=1644089844]
[quote]I strongly dislike food with sauce or butter or oil or
grease in or on it. I don’t want the calories and fat and I
don’t like the taste.[/quote]
Depends what you mean by “sauce”, surely? I’m sure LoP wasn’t
complaining that there was no ketchup! The classic sauce to go
with pasta and mince is made out of chopped tomatoes, onions and
celery cooked down together with a bit of red wine and/or stock
added, and if it’s properly and freshly made it is as delicious
as it is healthy. Would you prefer to eat your pasta and mince
without that? Surely not!
[/quote]
I prefer fresh uncooked food. I would prefer to have fresh
tomatoes, fresh onions, etc. rather than anything cooked or with
oil or any sort of grease or butter on it. I wouldn't refuse to
eat something served to me, I just don't like it or prefer it. I
would prefer an apple with peanut butter or carrots with
pretzels to anything that is oily/greasy/sauced.
My point is that not everyone shares the same taste in food.
[/quote]
I'm having you over for lunch! What's next week look like for
you?
I really like your point that not everyone has the same taste or
has learned to appreciate the same things. I grew up with al
dente pasta. My husband grew up with really cooked pasta. His
tastes have evolved to preferring al dente but he commented a
couple years ago that he thought my mother and I undercooked
pasta when he first started eating our cooking.
I'm like Jem, I'm not particularly picky but there are some
individuals I don't visit on an empty stomach.
In my husband's family the amount you eat is a direct reflection
of how you feel about someone and it's insulting not to eat
enough. His family would visit completely famished. There were
many times we'd be leaving to go somewhere and I'd be grabbing a
bite before we left and he'd say, "Why are you eating?! We're
going there for dinner! You're not going to eeeeeeat!" And I'd
respond, "You should grab something too. Don't go hungry."
#Post#: 73608--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spin-off of Complaining Dinner Guest - when the host isn't a
good cook
By: Venus193 Date: February 6, 2022, 8:19 pm
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It's entirely possible that Carrie grew up on what she was
serving you. There is a reddit story I heard on YouTube about
someone who was told from birth that they were allergic to a
whole bunch of things by a mother who tried to prevent him or
her from getting overweight only to discover in teen years that
they had no such allergies. After years of not being allowed to
eat cake at birthday parties and the usual things on other
occasions. I know someone who was raised to believe she had the
same allergies as her mother; there was no spice shelf in their
kitchen.
The Potluck Queen's mother never cooked from scratch. Her
mother only opened boxes and cans.
In this situation, the potluck solution was appropriate. I
wonder, though, whether it would have been appropriate (albeit
passive/aggressive) to initiate a conversation on the subject of
"How I learned how to cook."
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