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#Post#: 73479--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: TootsNYC Date: January 31, 2022, 8:17 pm
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where do you think "a man's nature" comes from?
From the messages he's been given all his life.
Social conditioning.
And do you think there isn't some pressure as well? Don't kid
yourself.
#Post#: 73570--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: peony Date: February 4, 2022, 10:09 pm
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It could be both nature and nurture--a man has the urge to fix
and societal conditioning exaggerates that natural response.
#Post#: 73750--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: BeagleMommy Date: February 14, 2022, 8:01 am
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So I am now the proud owner of an electric blanket that I told
BeagleDaddy I didn't need and didn't want.
I think I have to have another conversation about trusting that
when I say I don't want something he shouldn't buy it just
because he thinks it will help.
Sigh.
#Post#: 73760--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: DaDancingPsych Date: February 14, 2022, 10:24 am
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2272.msg73750#msg73750
date=1644847296]
So I am now the proud owner of an electric blanket that I told
BeagleDaddy I didn't need and didn't want.
I think I have to have another conversation about trusting that
when I say I don't want something he shouldn't buy it just
because he thinks it will help.
Sigh.
[/quote]
When the conversation about the electric blanket came up, did
you express something that you did want? Again, this sounds like
he had a gift idea that he thought that you would like, but
didn't know what you really wanted. It is obvious that he cares
deeply and wants to express this, but just hasn't quite figured
it all out.
#Post#: 73764--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: BeagleMommy Date: February 14, 2022, 1:29 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2272.msg73760#msg73760
date=1644855880]
[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2272.msg73750#msg73750
date=1644847296]
So I am now the proud owner of an electric blanket that I told
BeagleDaddy I didn't need and didn't want.
I think I have to have another conversation about trusting that
when I say I don't want something he shouldn't buy it just
because he thinks it will help.
Sigh.
[/quote]
When the conversation about the electric blanket came up, did
you express something that you did want? Again, this sounds like
he had a gift idea that he thought that you would like, but
didn't know what you really wanted. It is obvious that he cares
deeply and wants to express this, but just hasn't quite figured
it all out.
[/quote]
No gift occasions in the near future to discuss gifts. We don't
do Valentine's Day gifts; only cards. He thinks this will help
with the joint pain I sometimes get when it gets cold. It's
nice but the heating pad gets warmer and I can focus the heat
where I need it. When he brought up getting me the electric
blanket I specifically said I did not want one.
#Post#: 73769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: oogyda Date: February 14, 2022, 2:07 pm
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2272.msg73750#msg73750
date=1644847296]
So I am now the proud owner of an electric blanket that I told
BeagleDaddy I didn't need and didn't want.
I think I have to have another conversation about trusting that
when I say I don't want something he shouldn't buy it just
because he thinks it will help.
Sigh.
[/quote]
Oh dear. I hope he kept the receipt so he can return it ASAP
#Post#: 73775--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: February 14, 2022, 10:10 pm
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2272.msg73448#msg73448
date=1643650086]
Thanks, everyone.
I've had a calm conversation with him and told him I really love
how he takes care of me when I have bad days but the constant
suggestions drive me batty. He's promised to cut down on the
suggestions so we'll see what happens.
Just to clarify: I am no longer going through cancer treatment.
These pills I will take for 5 years (similar to Tamoxifen) to
get me to the "all clear". I think they are a hormone
inhibitor. Most days I have no issues. Once in a while it gets
rough.
[/quote]
Is it Arimidex? I was on that for about 2 years, and the joint
pain was horrid at times. After speaking to someone else who had
gone hrough the same thing, I spoke to my doctor, and he
switched me over to Aromasin. He preferred Arimidex, because it
had slightly better results against the cancer, but he did admit
that if my body had not adjusted after 2 years, then they needed
to do something. I don't want the cancer to come back, but I
also don't want to live like that. The new medication is doing
well (I have to take the meds for 10 years, and I am now 6 years
into my post cancer treatment), and I am able to exercise and
only go through age related arthitis pain.
#Post#: 73776--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: BeagleMommy Date: February 15, 2022, 8:33 am
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=2272.msg73775#msg73775
date=1644898217]
[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2272.msg73448#msg73448
date=1643650086]
Thanks, everyone.
I've had a calm conversation with him and told him I really love
how he takes care of me when I have bad days but the constant
suggestions drive me batty. He's promised to cut down on the
suggestions so we'll see what happens.
Just to clarify: I am no longer going through cancer treatment.
These pills I will take for 5 years (similar to Tamoxifen) to
get me to the "all clear". I think they are a hormone
inhibitor. Most days I have no issues. Once in a while it gets
rough.
[/quote]
Is it Arimidex? I was on that for about 2 years, and the joint
pain was horrid at times. After speaking to someone else who had
gone hrough the same thing, I spoke to my doctor, and he
switched me over to Aromasin. He preferred Arimidex, because it
had slightly better results against the cancer, but he did admit
that if my body had not adjusted after 2 years, then they needed
to do something. I don't want the cancer to come back, but I
also don't want to live like that. The new medication is doing
well (I have to take the meds for 10 years, and I am now 6 years
into my post cancer treatment), and I am able to exercise and
only go through age related arthitis pain.
[/quote]
Yes, it is Arimidex. Most of the time I have slight aches once
in a while. Every now and then I have a bad one but it isn't
anything I haven't been able to handle. Usually the heating pad
and an OTC pain reliever are all I need. I've only been on it
since July. If I get to the point I can't tolerate it I will
definitely ask my doctor for something else.
#Post#: 74964--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop Trying to Fix Me
By: Victoria Date: April 19, 2022, 9:59 am
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I would have a serious conversation with him about managing his
own desires and being respectful of your boundaries. He has a
desire to be a "fixer," as many people do (I am one of those
people). It makes him feel good to "fix," but often it can
stress out the person who knows that sometimes there is no
fixing things the way The Fixer wants. And if you've
specifically said "I do not want X" and then that person goes
out and get it anyway, they're not listening to you and they're
not respecting your boundaries. It's harder on you-it adds more
stress, more pain-when he doesn't hear what you're saying, and
instead does what makes him feel good in the moment. It can be
difficult to hear "there's nothing you can do to fix this" but
that's emotional work that he needs to do for himself to work on
accepting that fact.
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