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#Post#: 73278--------------------------------------------------
Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: mime Date: January 25, 2022, 11:22 am
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I might need to be checked here.
I have a relative, Jen, that annoys me so I have trouble keeping
some things in perspective.
My DS enlisted in the Guard recently. I have 3 younger kids who
really look up to him, and now they all want to join the
military when they grow up. He has a good relationship with them
but is not super-close because of age differences. I suggested
that DS get some National Guard hoodies or tees or something
like that for them to show their pride in him. He hasn't done it
yet (it's still early... he hasn't had his first drill or basic
yet).
Enter Jen. She went out and ordered a bunch of Nat Guard stuff
for the kids (clothes, accessories, office supplies, etc... lots
of stuff) and gave it to them. I was really disappointed. I
thought of this idea as something special between my kids, so
this felt like an intrusion of sorts. She didn't know that DS
was going to get stuff for his siblings, but sees that most of
their wardrobe consists of sweats and tees from their
activities.
DS will still get some for the kids as well, but I feel like his
gift will be diminished by Jen's earlier gift.
Is this a BEC moment for me?
#Post#: 73279--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: Hanna Date: January 25, 2022, 11:36 am
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Do you feel like it's something she should have known not to do?
Also, do you think the kids really care if their brother got it
for them or someone else? It's still only meaningful because of
his being in the NG.
#Post#: 73280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: Jem Date: January 25, 2022, 12:07 pm
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On first glance this seems like a BEC situation (but we don't
have all the information and background that you do). I think it
is a nice gift that shows pride in your DS. I don't think it
diminishes any future gifts or your DS's action in joining the
guard. And thank him for his service!
#Post#: 73281--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: Aleko Date: January 25, 2022, 12:47 pm
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What's BEC in this context, please?
#Post#: 73282--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: oogyda Date: January 25, 2022, 12:50 pm
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I don't think you're worked up over nothing. You feel like Jen
overstepped and overshadowed something that your son should have
first crack at.
For now, I think it's important that you appear neutral to your
younger children. At least until you know how OS feels about
it.
I don't know how one would address it with Jen going forward. I
think if she's rude enough to fish for praise, I would let her
know she's not going to get praise for stealing OS's thunder.
#Post#: 73283--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: oogyda Date: January 25, 2022, 12:53 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2266.msg73281#msg73281
date=1643136445]
What's BEC in this context, please?
[/quote]
B itch eating crackers.
OP acknowledges that Jen annoys her to the extent that she
cannot view anything she does without being annoyed by
it.....even something as simple and normal as eating crackers.
#Post#: 73284--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: holly firestorm Date: January 25, 2022, 1:38 pm
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Annoyed over nothing? No.
Worked up over nothing? Kind of.
Something similar happened to me. A "friend" took an idea I
originated and made it happen. I mentioned it and he pointed out
that I only mentioned it and if I had wanted "credit" for it I
should have found a way to made it happen myself. I think we
both had a point. To be fair, I didn't think I'd get the backing
if I started the ball rolling myself. It was that kind of group,
you know, where ideas were received better if they came from
certain people. But, I could have brought it up to the whole
group and asked for help making it happen. On the other hand, he
took the idea and ran with it and did a great job, too. So, he
definitely deserved the credit. So, your situation with the
relative and National Guard tees, etc. sounds a lot like that.
She heard the idea tossed out but nobody seemed to be taking any
action on it...so she did. She also should have given you the
credit for the idea.
I'd suggest that the next time you have an idea like that...just
keep it between you and DS (or whoever you want to cooperate
with you on the project).
#Post#: 73286--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 25, 2022, 2:05 pm
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I think it's a little bit of both. I think she shouldn't be
butting in to your family quite that way. Some people have too
much money and not enough boundaries.
But i also think it's BEC. (though maybe it's things like that
contributie to why you find her annoying)
And I completely, completely join you, and sympathize SO HARD.
My son was so cute when he was little, and personable. He used
to spend two days a week with my MIL (gave her Grandkid Time and
reduced our childcare costs). She took him everywhere, and all
the neighbors and shopkeepers knew him.
On Halloween, I made his costume the way he requested. And then
the day before Halloween, my MIL's neighbor man brought over a
cheap fireman costume for him.
I was livid. Now there was a high chance he'd reject the
costume I'd prepared because it was older, and insist on wearing
the new, novel and interesting one.
Who does that? Who gives a Halloween costume to someone
else's child? He couldn't have knkown that I'd spent all of
October making our costume from scratch, but he had to have been
able to assume his parents had prepared him a costume.
(my son preferred his original costume idea, so all was
well, but I thought it was an overstep. Out of love, yes, but no
boundaries! We're not even in his family!)
Then, my son fell in love with these $5 die-cast buses that were
sold at every odds-and-ends store in the cityt--Greyhound,
school buses, etc. Santa gave him two for Christmas, and he was
over the moon. He took them everywhere.
Suddenly ever shopkeeper he visited with my MIL was giving
him a new bus, and he ended up with 12. Not even kidding.
And there went the specialness, and now the original 2 were
just "additional buses" and he stopped playing with them.
Just...some people have too much money and no boundaries.
They want to be part of it, and in the back of their mind, they
know they're not part of it, and they try to insert themselves
with generosity as their wedge.
I don't think it's blatantly calculated, but I do think they
sort of know what they're doing a little. And they have no
boundaries and are very self-focused, and so they do it almost
instinctively.
And now I'm going to refrain from my much-ridiculed rant about
coveting.
#Post#: 73287--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 25, 2022, 2:07 pm
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[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=2266.msg73284#msg73284
date=1643139536]
I'd suggest that the next time you have an idea like that...just
keep it between you and DS (or whoever you want to cooperate
with you on the project).
[/quote]
I thought pjeans indicated that she hadn't mentioned this idea
to Jen.
#Post#: 73291--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stealing my idea? Am I worked up over nothing?
By: Rho Date: January 25, 2022, 9:42 pm
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Yes Jen overshadowed whatever your son--who is NOT out there
playing games with lots of free time to go shopping while in
Basic--- will send to his siblings. She sent way too much.
When my oldest nephew graduated Middle School --before internet
shopping--I drove over an hour to his future High School to buy
a sweat suit for his graduation gift. It was very well
received. Can we give Jen a shred of benefit of the doubt that
she ment well but still managed to be annoying?
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