DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Family and Children
*****************************************************
#Post#: 73075--------------------------------------------------
Re: The More the Merrier?
By: kareng57 Date: January 17, 2022, 11:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The poor child! The hostess says that she actually "did not
want to make her feel at home"??!!
Sis was in the wrong, I have no argument with that. But with
the rest....just because you know her parents doesn't mean that
she has cookie parties at home with them. She was quite
possibly looking forward to this experience.
#Post#: 73092--------------------------------------------------
Re: The More the Merrier?
By: Jem Date: January 18, 2022, 9:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=2239.msg73074#msg73074
date=1642474043]
[quote author=Wanaca link=topic=2239.msg73072#msg73072
date=1642459929]
Like a lot of people, I feel sorry for the girl. I'm sure that
she knew that she was NOT wanted and that the host didn't want
to make her feel at home. Maybe that's why Sister tried to
focus on her. Sister was obviously wrong, but an innocent girl
paid the price. Just because someone comes from an affluent
family with a good home life doesn't mean that they don't have
feelings that can be hurt.
[/quote]
Eh... I wouldn't make that assumption. Personally, I've been
accommodating and engaging in any number of situations while
secretly being quite angry. I can compartmentalize in the moment
and I don't see anything that tells me Jem can't.
I said upthread that my DH and I have been put in these
situations many times and the most recent one we had a very
lovely time with the extra guests - one was a great storyteller,
I laughed till my side hurt. That doesn't mean I didn't complain
about our friend changing the event on the drive home. While I
leaned into the situation and made the best of the evening, I
didn't appreciate having extra guests sprung on us at the very
last minute (I had to have the restaurant change our table to
accommodate them because the first we heard they were coming was
when friend walked into the restaurant with them.)
[/quote]
Thank you for articulating how this actually played out. For
those who imagined that I actively went out of my way to exclude
the neighbor and hurt her feelings, your visions are not
accurate. I was angry with my sister. I did not take it out on
the neighbor girl. I did not *want* her to be there and did not
*want* to hear about what she was up to, etc., but in actuality
she ended up being the focus of the event. I did discuss it with
my sister (and mother) after the fact and made it a point that,
going forward, when I invited family I meant FAMILY.
#Post#: 73443--------------------------------------------------
Re: The More the Merrier?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 31, 2022, 10:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=katiekat2009 link=topic=2239.msg73069#msg73069
date=1642455888]
Your "beef" (complaint) is with your sister, not the child.
Please don't begrudge the visiting child a bit of pleasure. I
would be up to you, the host, to see that everyone's needs were
met. Honestly, sounds like a case of jealously to me.
[/quote]
Since the upshot was that Jem's child was neglected, then
clearly Jem didn't treat the visitor badly.
I agree that the host has some influence here, but it's sort of
hard to deal with in the moment; you have to be really practiced
and have trained yourself with how to handle that.
Also--you can't control how another person acts, and the person
causing the "left out" problem was her sister.
Maybe Jem could have called her sister into the other room and
said, "Visitor Girl is here, and I don't want to treat her
meanly at all, but you are making all your comments to her, and
not to my daughter. Please be sure you are including all the
girls, not just the visitor."
I don't think I could think on my feet that fast.
#Post#: 73444--------------------------------------------------
Re: The More the Merrier?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 31, 2022, 10:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
It's important to remember that this is an etiquette site, and
we will all come here to discuss etiquette.
Sometimes on a purely academic/hobbyist level, sometimes in a
"revealing my inner thoughts to a trusted community" situations.
And it's frustrating to have nefarious or rude intentions or
actions acribed to us.
Just because someone tells us they were upset, or didn't want to
do something, doesn't mean they acted that way.
Just become someone comes to say "ooh, I think this wasn't all
that warm and fuzzy" doesn't mean we now hate the relative who
signed her Christmas cards with a simple printed sticker.
#Post#: 73445--------------------------------------------------
Re: The More the Merrier?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 31, 2022, 10:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]She is not the host, she has no right to try to extend
someone else's hospitality to strangers.[/quote]
Thou shalt not covet thy sister's hospitality.
*****************************************************
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page