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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 72332--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: December 9, 2021, 7:24 pm
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I like separating Christmas gifting from this type of gift. In a
lot of families, these large gifts coincide with winter holidays
because they need given before year's end and everyone is
getting together for the holidays so they look like a holiday
gift when really it's more of a transfer of wealth. I think
framing it as early inheritance or wealth transfer makes it
easier to talk about how you'd like it spent.
Whether you call it a gift or wealth transfer, I think it's fine
to put some expectations on the money, "This is for your student
loans" or "This is for your house down payment," then if the
money goes towards something else you can think about whether or
not you'd make that type of transaction again. Personally, if I
were the recipient, I'd either distribute the money as suggested
or have a conversation about why I wasn't and my rationale. So I
might say, "We've had a really hard year and need to get away,
I'd like to use $X for a vacation, are you okay with that?" I
might offer how I'd pay or save extra to compensate.
When DH and I have received monetary gifts, without strings, we
spent no more than 10% on something fun or frivolous and then
the rest of the money in a way that honored the recipient and
our relationship. (E.g. We got a used car once and paid
ourselves a car payment while we drove it, that snowballed to
better cars, and then snowballed to a paid for new car.)
#Post#: 72336--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: Aleko
Date: December 10, 2021, 1:23 am
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--- Quote ---
> Whether you call it a gift or wealth transfer, I think it's
fine to put some expectations on the money, "This is for your
student loans" or "This is for your house down payment," then if
the money goes towards something else you can think about
whether or not you'd make that type of transaction again.
Personally, if I were the recipient, I'd either distribute the
money as suggested or have a conversation about why I wasn't and
my rationale. So I might say, "We've had a really hard year and
need to get away, I'd like to use $X for a vacation, are you
okay with that?" I might offer how I'd pay or save extra to
compensate.
--- End Quote ---
I’m sure we’re all on board with that, and that that is how
people ought to behave when given money for a specific purpose.
The problem is how legit it is to try to prevent the recipient
from behaving like Snappy’s aunt, and how to deal with it if
they do.
If I had stumped up money to enable someone to keep themselves
safe from danger and they had decided to spend it on new kitchen
equipment, I too would feel used: and yes, I too would feel as
sore as all doohick about it. I’m with everyone who has said
that if you (generic you) really want a gift of money to be used
for a specific purpose, then give it in that specific form -
e.g. a cheque made out to the loan company, or in Snappy’s case,
saying ‘Just pick out the burglar alarm you want and I’ll buy it
for you’. This means that if their priorities are different, and
they’d rather have a dishwasher than a burglar alarm, or a
skiing holiday than a paid-off loan, they’re going to have to
tell you.
#Post#: 72339--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: STiG
Date: December 10, 2021, 6:52 am
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After being burned a couple of times, I now don't give money,
intended for a specific purpose. I will still give money but I
then leave it up to the recipient to do with what they will. If
I'm asked for a 'loan' for something specific - 'Hey, can I
borrow $50 to pay the water bill?', I pay the water bill for
them, with the expectation that I am unlikely to get that money
back. It's amazing how many people aren't all that hard up for
money, if I'm only willing to pay the money directly to the
entity they say they need to pay.
#Post#: 72359--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: December 10, 2021, 12:14 pm
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I agree with the others that once the money is given then it's
out of your control if it will be used for that purpose. You can
request it and I think you can even request that they let you
know if they choose to use it for a different purpose.
Of course, instead of giving the money, you could instead wrap
up play money and a note saying once they are ready to spend the
money, you will make the payment. Maybe for the down payment,
you could create a interest bearing savings account and already
have the money deposited in the account. For the student loan,
just suggest they send you the payment info.
#Post#: 72378--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: December 10, 2021, 10:11 pm
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--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> I agree with the others that once the money is given then it's
out of your control if it will be used for that purpose. You can
request it and I think you can even request that they let you
know if they choose to use it for a different purpose.
>
> Of course, instead of giving the money, you could instead wrap
up play money and a note saying once they are ready to spend the
money, you will make the payment. Maybe for the down payment,
you could create a interest bearing savings account and already
have the money deposited in the account. For the student loan,
just suggest they send you the payment info.
>
--- End Quote ---
The bolded could create gift tax problems if OP wants to give
again. I'd check with a professional if this is approaching gift
tax limits.
I can see the point for OP can paying directly, but this is also
a good chance to see if the children can be trusted to honor
explicit wishes in regards to money. Framing it as wealth
transfer or early inheritance, instead of a Christmas gift,
creates the opportunity to see how they'll respond.
#Post#: 72605--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: jpcher
Date: December 23, 2021, 4:39 pm
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Thank you all for your input. I've contacted my financial
advisor in order to find out how much money I can gift per year
without any tax requirements. It's still in the works (appt. set
up for next week).
Meanwhile, I told both of the DDs (in separate conversations)
what I was gifting them for xmas.
While I was not entirely surprised, both DDs basically told me
"I don't need/want your money" because they are very proud of
standing on their own two feet and being able to fend their own
way in the world.
I'm still gifting them the money . . . but maybe I should have
bought a little bauble something for a xmas gift instead. Wise
words from your replies, should have listened to you all.
#Post#: 72611--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: holly firestorm
Date: December 24, 2021, 1:56 pm
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I've always liked getting generic gift cards the best of almost
any gift. A lot of people say this is a cold gift. But, I view
it as someone saying, "I care enough to give you a
holiday/birthday/whatever gift. But, I'm not going to impose my
taste or priorities on you. This is so you can pick out what you
really want or need.
And when I give a gift card as a gift, that's exactly the
message I'm trying to convey.
#Post#: 72612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: December 24, 2021, 5:06 pm
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When my dad paid off my student loans as a gift, he told me that
was the gift and then we both sat down together on a later day
over the phone and he took care of it online. I think your
approach was a good one!
#Post#: 72627--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: Winterlight
Date: December 26, 2021, 10:33 am
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I think if someone has told you, "I'm giving you money for X,"
you should either use it for X, say no thank you if it's
something manipulative, or say, "Actually, we'd really like to
use it for Y."
#Post#: 73004--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting Money . . .
DIR By: betty
Date: January 12, 2022, 1:20 pm
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Our son is a recent college graduate, making decent money but
living on his own. His apartment has very little furniture.
Buying furniture has not been a priority for him but he does
plan to buy some stuff in the near future.
For Christmas, we gave him a "gift certificate" for a certain
amount towards furniture (including delivery by his dear
parents, since we have a much larger car). So far, we all
shopped Ikea once where he found a tv table he wanted, which we
paid for and deducted from his "gift certificate."
If we had given him the cash outright, he would be welcome to
spend it on anything he wants. Since we made it a "gift
certificate" (even a made-up one that is actually just us paying
for stuff), he will spend it on furniture as intended (and save
his own cash to spend on other stuff). Plus, it's a good excuse
for us to visit him!
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