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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 72255--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: mime Date: December 6, 2021, 4:31 pm
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Luckily my family and DH family have been quite fair in this
area, but I've seen it all the time with friends!
I might suggest family gifts. My mom did that with large sets of
cousins, where she put together movie night baskets, or bought
board games, or tickets to some event. It helped keep the price
affordable for the large families, and solved the dilemma of
what on earth to get for some of these kids that she didn't
really know and only seem to want $100 shoes and the like.
--and I agree that Christmas is not all about the chilllllldren.
Often the people who say that are really making it about
themselves. ...and they're acting like children, so there's
that...
#Post#: 72266--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Soop Date: December 7, 2021, 8:11 am
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In Mr. S's family, we are the child-free ones. At some point
several years ago, we were told don't get any gifts for the
adults, but his siblings still give us gifts (I guess to balance
out that we were giving gifts to the kids). Kids are all over 20
now, so the gift has been reduced in size (used to be a movie
gift card, which they often used while they were all together
for Christmas and a chocolate letter...it's a Dutch tradition,
and now it's just the chocolate letter). The adults get a fairly
large box of Christmas baking.
On my side, my awesome SIL told us, we should just buy for the
kids, so the next Christmas we did and she continued to buy us
fairly generous gifts. When I asked her about her kids only
rule, she said we were the youngest and she loved Christmas, so
she didn't have to follow the rule. She's the best.
#Post#: 72267--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Isisnin Date: December 7, 2021, 8:31 am
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=2228.msg72234#msg72234
date=1638757656]
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=2228.msg72233#msg72233
date=1638752429]
... I heard one today in which a childfree couple was told --
in front of the 15 children of the husband's siblings -- that
they will be expected to give gifts to all the children because
it's their duty as the non-parents with more money to burn.
This action was rude on its face, but it makes me wonder what
should be expected of people in their situation. ...
[/quote]
Very sadly, even if I had fully intended to give each of the
fifteen children very generous gifts, being told I WOULD be
doing so would flip that table right over. None of the fifteen
would be receiving a gift from me. If brother complained I'd
say "Au contraire! We need to save our money! We don't have
fifteen children to take care of us in our old age like you do!"
>:(
[/quote]
I used this same technique on my sister. For once in her life
she didn't have an answer!
#Post#: 72286--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Lkdrymom Date: December 7, 2021, 5:22 pm
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For the first few years of my marriage to husband #1 we did not
have children but all his siblings did. At this point, they
decided to just buy 'for the kids" and the grandparents. So we
would bring a carload of gifts and leave empty-handed. It would
have been nice if they bought us a 'pet toy' to kind of even
things up a bit. No one ever noticed the inequity.
#Post#: 72291--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: TootsNYC Date: December 8, 2021, 9:30 am
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[quote author=Amara link=topic=2228.msg72244#msg72244
date=1638809963]
It's a common saying that Christmas is for children but I have
always disagreed with it. I think the entirety of it is really
savored by adults. Kids tend to focus on the presents only.
[/quote]
I think kids focus on what the adults around them lead them to
focus on.
I remember focusing on choosing and buying presents for others.
I remember focusing on setting up the creche, and hanging the
stockings (which wasn't completely about the gifts), and
decorating the tree.
Yes, there was excitement about the Santa present, and the big
gift opening at the end of the day, but we put even more energy
into waiting for Aunt Betty to arrive.
#Post#: 72292--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Soop Date: December 8, 2021, 9:53 am
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[quote author=Lkdrymom link=topic=2228.msg72286#msg72286
date=1638919347]
For the first few years of my marriage to husband #1 we did not
have children but all his siblings did. At this point, they
decided to just buy 'for the kids" and the grandparents. So we
would bring a carload of gifts and leave empty-handed. It would
have been nice if they bought us a 'pet toy' to kind of even
things up a bit. No one ever noticed the inequity.
[/quote]
I mentioned my wonderful SIL in my post earlier. She also gives
me Mother's Day gifts when she passes gifts to my Mom and
sister. Cause I'm mom to my cat. Really, she just likes having
excuses to give gifts.
#Post#: 72295--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: BeagleMommy Date: December 8, 2021, 11:34 am
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I think this is where one of the old Ehell standbys would come
in handy.
"That's an interesting assumption".
The sibling is basically saying "You don't have kids so you have
nothing better to spend your money on so we expect the kids to
get expensive gifts". The childless couple may have a mortgage,
other bills, be saving for a vacation, be saving for a house,
any number of things.
Bottom line is you don't get to dictate how others spend their
money.
#Post#: 72309--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Venus193 Date: December 8, 2021, 9:33 pm
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Here is the story, with some very amusing comments:
HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmc7n-G5s9I&list=WL&index=15
#Post#: 72334--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: peony Date: December 9, 2021, 9:01 pm
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It sounds like that Timmy and a few others on that side of the
family have been talking behind this couple's backs for a long
time, and suddenly unloaded all their pent-up emotions with the
Christmas presents as a flimsy excuse. What an awful but
interesting story, and yeah, I think they might be better moving
away. Far away.
#Post#: 72338--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Aleko Date: December 10, 2021, 2:07 am
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My mother was one of a well-spaced family of seven, most of whom
were fairly prolific, so as a child I had literally dozens of
first cousins and first cousins once removed - I stopped trying
to count them after the numbers had reached 30. Only one of her
siblings was childless, and when I was small, every Christmas
this aunt and her husband would very generously send all her
nephews and nieces a card with a 10-shilling note tucked inside
it. This was back in the early 1960s when 10/- was serious money
for a child, maybe equivalent to £10 now, and sending that money
to 30-odd of us was very generous, no question.
In 1970 the 10-shilling note was abolished, and my aunt and
uncle gritted their teeth and started enclosing a pound note
instead. With inflation that wasn’t worth anything like double
the value their 10/- gift had had when they had started giving
it - maybe a 30% increase in real terms - but still it was a
hike, delightful to us but an increased burden on them. And they
continued to send a pound note to each of us all for the next 18
years, till that note was abolished and the smallest Bank of
England note was the fiver, which nobody could have expected
them to send, so they stopped.
Now, between 1970 and 1988 inflation continued rampant and we of
course all grew up, so that as unthinkingly selfish teenagers I
have to confess that my brothers and I felt it almost demeaning
to our nearly-adult (as we felt) status to be sent a teeny sum
such as a small child might use to buy sweets or a matchbox toy.
But I’m here to tell you that when you’re in your late 20s and
are earning a salary, there’s a great deal of nostalgic charm in
opening a Christmas card and finding that your loving aunt and
uncle have sent you a Whole Pound Note! to buy yourself sweets
or a matchbox toy. And I’m full of gratitude and admiration to
them for their consistent way of showing their enduring
affection and concern for all of us.
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