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#Post#: 72233--------------------------------------------------
Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Venus193 Date: December 5, 2021, 7:00 pm
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Reddit reads on YouTube have become a recent guilty pleasure and
I heard one today in which a childfree couple was told -- in
front of the 15 children of the husband's siblings -- that they
will be expected to give gifts to all the children because it's
their duty as the non-parents with more money to burn. This
action was rude on its face, but it makes me wonder what should
be expected of people in their situation.
When my college buddy's children were young and they went into
the "Christmas is for the chillllldren" mode I got nothing and
there were no gifts for other adults. There is now only one
child on my Christmas list, so it's no big deal, but a good
friend of mine is now in a similar position with the children of
her in-laws. I haven't seen this in Judith Martin's column.
#Post#: 72234--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: gramma dishes Date: December 5, 2021, 8:27 pm
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[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=2228.msg72233#msg72233
date=1638752429]
... I heard one today in which a childfree couple was told --
in front of the 15 children of the husband's siblings -- that
they will be expected to give gifts to all the children because
it's their duty as the non-parents with more money to burn.
This action was rude on its face, but it makes me wonder what
should be expected of people in their situation. ...
[/quote]
Very sadly, even if I had fully intended to give each of the
fifteen children very generous gifts, being told I WOULD be
doing so would flip that table right over. None of the fifteen
would be receiving a gift from me. If brother complained I'd
say "Au contraire! We need to save our money! We don't have
fifteen children to take care of us in our old age like you do!"
>:(
#Post#: 72235--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Bada Date: December 5, 2021, 9:49 pm
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I'd be pretty upset if people demanded gifts of me!
I told my brother (who has no kids) when he asked me what I
wanted this year that it's kind of him to give gifts to my kids
and that my husband and I don't expect gifts from him (unless he
finds something he's just dying to give us...I didn't want him
to feel forbidden, just excused from the obligation). We'll
still buy him a gift though. Darned if I know what it will be
yet though, lol.
#Post#: 72236--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: lakey Date: December 5, 2021, 10:31 pm
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Part of the problem with outrageous behavior like this is that,
at the time it happens, you are so taken aback that you tend to
say nothing. Anyway, "You can't be serious," would be a good
response.
#Post#: 72237--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Aleko Date: December 6, 2021, 2:27 am
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[quote]Part of the problem with outrageous behavior like this is
that, at the time it happens, you are so taken aback that you
tend to say nothing. Anyway, "You can't be serious," would be a
good response.[/quote]
Or, with shocked face: “Mabel! You know Mummy taught us that
well-brought-up people never demand presents! What a thing to
say - and in front of the children, too!” (Of course, only the
husband could say this, whereas “You cannot be serious” would do
for either.)
#Post#: 72239--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: vintagegal Date: December 6, 2021, 6:28 am
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There's always the dollar store. ;)
#Post#: 72243--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Titanica Date: December 6, 2021, 10:36 am
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We had an issue like this in our family. For years, only one
sibling was married and had a child, so we all were expected to
give gifts to all three of them while they gave all of us one
gift each, from all three of them.
So when it was my turn to be one of the siblings with kids, I
gave nice gifts to everyone from me and my husband (spending
quite a bit more than when it was just me) and I also made gifts
for everyone from each of the kids. I would spent days baking
several different varieties of cookies and I made made batches
of homemade candy, and everyone got a good-sized tin filled with
treats from my son (who was an infant/toddler at the time); and
when my daughter was born I made up little packages that had
Christmas-themed coffee mugs, several individual serving-sized
packets of hot cocoa mix (different flavors), and some coffee
and tea. I gave these out in addition to the cookie/candy tins.
They all went over really well, I must say.
But yes, I do see the unfairness of that comment and agree that
it is quite offensive.
#Post#: 72244--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: Amara Date: December 6, 2021, 10:59 am
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It's a common saying that Christmas is for children but I have
always disagreed with it. I think the entirety of it is really
savored by adults. Kids tend to focus on the presents only. That
said, I probably would have been so astounded too that I
couldn't think of a response, let alone a polite one. But after
I got over my seething I would send a very polite and firm
email: "I'm sorry I wasn't able to let you know earlier--and I
take full responsibility for waiting too long--that I have
decided that gifts are no longer part of my holidays. I don't
want any and I am not giving any, not just this year but going
forward. I am very excited for the opportunity to spend time
together though!" And that would be that. No more discussion.
#Post#: 72246--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: TootsNYC Date: December 6, 2021, 12:19 pm
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I have always made sure my children gave gifts to everyone who
gave them a gift.
They had to pick it out. I generally funded it.
Sometimes they'd buy something at the school sale, sometimes
they'd pick it out at the department store. I often gave them
idea, or helped them come up with some to choose from.
As they got older, they got better at picking them out
themselves.
I wouldn't want my children to grow up thinking that they didn't
need to reciprocate the attentions and affections of other
people. And I wanted the to grow up learning how to choose gifts
for others, and to have practice focusing on other people.
I don't have a big attachment to dollar value, and group or
family gifts are OK. But I wouldn't want to feel forgotten,
especially not by people who I was giving a gift to.
#Post#: 72247--------------------------------------------------
Re: Christmas Gifting Issues
By: holly firestorm Date: December 6, 2021, 1:31 pm
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=2228.msg72234#msg72234
date=1638757656]
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=2228.msg72233#msg72233
date=1638752429]
... I heard one today in which a childfree couple was told --
in front of the 15 children of the husband's siblings -- that
they will be expected to give gifts to all the children because
it's their duty as the non-parents with more money to burn.
This action was rude on its face, but it makes me wonder what
should be expected of people in their situation. ...
[/quote]
Very sadly, even if I had fully intended to give each of the
fifteen children very generous gifts, being told I WOULD be
doing so would flip that table right over. None of the fifteen
would be receiving a gift from me. If brother complained I'd
say "Au contraire! We need to save our money! We don't have
fifteen children to take care of us in our old age like you do!"
>:(
[/quote]
15 children is a lot! Generally speaking I would tend to buy the
children a XMas gift...until someone tried to guilt me into it.
Then, I would also tend to do a 180. I might feel guilty taking
the parents' rudeness and entitled attitude out on the kids. So,
I would probably get them something. But, whereas I might spend
$30 on each gift before the remark, I'd probably end up spending
a lot less.
And I LOVE the remark about, "We don't have 15 children to take
care of us in our old age like we do." I am in that situation.
If I can't take care of myself there is NO ONE who's going to do
it for me out of love or loyalty. So, I better be able to pay
them or else!
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