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#Post#: 72136--------------------------------------------------
Overstepping Brother
By: BeagleMommy Date: December 1, 2021, 10:47 am
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Let me start by saying that I love my Brother and I appreciate
his concern, but...
Today I got a call from my mother asking if BeagleDaddy was
going to lose his job. There are some major changes going on at
BD's company but his department is not affected. When I asked
Mom how she heard about the changes she said my brother told
her. I asked how he found out and she said she didn't know.
Just after getting off the phone I get a text from Brother
asking if DB is losing his job. I explain that BD's job is not
affected and asked how he heard about it. His response was "I
know things"
I told him I wished he hadn't said anything to Mom since we
weren't planning on saying anything because BD isn't affected.
Brother's response was "She's fine". To me, that felt like a
brush off. This is par for the course with my Brother.
I get another call from Mom. She tells me Brother now feels
guilty and is worried that I'm mad at him and that he's sorry he
said anything. I told Mom that he should be telling me that
he's sorry. I told her I am not mad, just a little aggravated
that he felt it was his place to tell them something that had
nothing to do with him.
So, I text Brother and tell him that I am not mad at him but to
please check with me before telling our parents something about
my family. I tell him I appreciate his concern. His response?
"Whatever".
Was I wrong to be aggravated that he told our parents something
we hadn't planned to disclose? Shouldn't Brother apologize to
me if he thought I was upset?
I'm getting too old for this petty garbage from my brother.
#Post#: 72139--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overstepping Brother
By: lakey Date: December 1, 2021, 11:46 am
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It sounds like your brother is one of those people who has
difficulty admitting that he did something wrong. What he did
was spread rumors. Yes, your mother is okay, but she was
needlessly worried. And yes, even if it had been true, it wasn't
his place to tell her. I suspect he realizes that now, but his
not actually apologizing for it is immature. "Whatever" is
really immature. You let him know how you feel about it, and you
have a right to be aggravated. If this is what he's like,
there's not much you can do about it.
#Post#: 72140--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overstepping Brother
By: Rose Red Date: December 1, 2021, 11:46 am
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Yes, he should be speaking to you and your DH first if he hears
something that concerns you/DH.
Otherwise he's just gossiping. If your DH lose his job, what's
your mom going to do about it anyway? Nothing except worry.
Saying "I know things" without telling how he knows things?
Creepy.
#Post#: 72141--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overstepping Brother
By: sandisadie Date: December 1, 2021, 11:51 am
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I think you are right to feel the way you do in this situation.
But - you know your brother. Do you think it would be normal
for him to apologize to you or is he acting in his normal way?
I've found that people in a family have a pattern that becomes
clear as the years go by. Looking from the outside, it seems
that perhaps your brother is concerned about you and didn't
realize that talking with your Mother before he talked to you
was not the best thing to do.
#Post#: 72146--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overstepping Brother
By: BeagleMommy Date: December 1, 2021, 1:34 pm
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My brother can be a bit bombastic. At the same time, he doesn't
like anyone to be mad at him. It's weird. He'll tell my mother
he's sorry he upset me but won't directly apologize.
He seems to think it's his job to "handle" all the stressful
things. As an example, the last time my dad was in the hospital
he kept telling me to go home because, in his words, "I've got
this". I finally had to say to him "You don't get to tell me
what to do".
Like I said, I love him and he can be very loving but this side
of him....ugh.
#Post#: 72174--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overstepping Brother
By: sms Date: December 2, 2021, 9:49 am
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No...you're not wrong to be annoyed with this. In fact I think
you are being very generous about it.
I know someone like this, they feel it is their duty to "warn"
of trouble. Whether it's real or not is beside the point.
I'm sure they tell themselves they're just looking out for
others but that's not the impression it leaves me.
I agree with the others - it's gossip and fear mongering and I
wouldn't appreciate it.
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