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#Post#: 72124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: Hmmm Date: November 30, 2021, 4:32 pm
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It is unfortunate that your BIL is taking out his guilt on you
and your DH. But I doubt he'll ever open up about his feelings.
He probably has some guilt about leaving the family business and
about fleecing his mom. He probably also has a since of
entitlement to the building and contents since he did run the
business for a while. There could even be lingering resentment
that he is not even aware of that your DH ventured out of the
company business while he may have felt compelled to try and
keep it going or a since of failure that he wasn't successful at
keeping it going.
Based on the Tday situation, I think I'd take a pause from
family events. Invite your MIL over for a meal but I probably
would put some distance between the two of you and the BIL.
#Post#: 72226--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 3, 2021, 9:42 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2222.msg72089#msg72089
date=1638224672]
There's nothing else you can do or apologize for. You and your
DH are trying to save MIL from financial ruin. Your good
intention is made difficult because she's enabling BIL.
They can't say what you did wrong because you did nothing wrong.
They both know it.
[/quote]
This. On one hand, the politest option might have been to step
back and stay out of it - especially as your MIL has made it
clear she's willing to indulge BIL's taking advantage of her.
But on the other hand, if staying out of it would have resulted
in MIL being financially ruined, I bet you and your DH would
have had to pick up the pieces anyway. I imagine BIL wouldn't be
willing to take in her mother (or pay her rent and groceries,
etc) once she loses everything?
As for Christmas, I agree with posters who say invite BIL and
let the chips fall where they will. If he accepts the invite,
and behaves badly at dinner, you have the right to ask him to
leave.
#Post#: 72250--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: Despedina Date: December 6, 2021, 2:54 pm
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Well BIL2 and his wife (this is my husband's youngest brother)
came by after visiting with MIL for the weekend. They live about
45 min north of us and MIL lives about 45 min south of us so
they stopped by. We were talking about what SIL2 was going to
bring for the holiday and I mentioned I didn't know who all was
coming (I'm not sure about one of my sisters either yet). She
mentioned that BIL told her at my MIL's house that he was NOT
coming under any circumstances. Nice. I'm a little irritated he
couldn't just man up and say they couldn't make it but at least
I know. Nephew will be coming up with my MIL for the holiday.
SIL said it was awkward and she hugged him and said she
understood and he thanked her. She then told me that was BS and
really she doesn't understand anything lol. Welcome to the
club.
#Post#: 72256--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: mime Date: December 6, 2021, 4:36 pm
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Well that stinks but... it is very good that SIL understands
you! It will only be more clear that BIL is the one choosing
division, and you don't have to go against more siblings in the
fight to protect MIL's retirement income.
BIL seems rather good at pouting though.
I hope that your Christmas gathering is filled with enjoying the
people who are there, and letting go (for the day) of the people
who aren't there.
#Post#: 72808--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: SnappyLT Date: January 3, 2022, 6:42 pm
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Despedina, how are things now? I'm wondering, now that the
business has been sold and the holidays are over, how are people
behaving toward one another?
#Post#: 72978--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: Despedina Date: January 11, 2022, 9:57 am
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[quote author=SnappyLT link=topic=2222.msg72808#msg72808
date=1641256948]
Despedina, how are things now? I'm wondering, now that the
business has been sold and the holidays are over, how are people
behaving toward one another?
[/quote]
The Holiday itself was fun. Everyone was in a good mood and we
ate too much and had a fun time.
As far as my husbands' brother, he is still being difficult.
Neither of us has seen or heard from him since a week before our
holiday. When we saw him at that time it was at my MIL's where
we were doing work on her property, and when we came back to the
house he was there. He made excuses to leave and did
immediately. DH gave a friendly "goodbye" and he didn't respond.
As far as the business, it was sold and MIL is tying up some
loose ends. Turns out her accountant says she needs an inventory
of where all the assets went (I really don't understand how this
works) which is complicated by the fact that BIL just "took"
things (which as I mentioned she allowed). Hopefully this
doesn't cause too much issue. One of the items at the shop was
a 2007 tractor. That was the only thing of value we were
offered. At first we were unsure if we really wanted it but
when we found out BIL was just going to take it and park it out
in a cousin's field we went ahead and accepted. So far we
haven't gotten that piece of equipment.
BIL's new boss bought a forklift in the process of the closing.
They were using the forklift to move large steel deliveries
around. Just before (about a month) they sold the business, the
forklift broke, and they started using the tractor which also
has forklift capabilities. MIL is of course allowing this with
no deadline. No effort has been made to repair the forklift, so
they are in possession of the tractor which was to be given to
DH. We have been given the paperwork for the tractor but MIL
says they won't be done with the tractor "any time soon". DH
finally texted his brother yesterday asking about it, with no
response of course. In our state you pay personal property
taxes on things like this and this is the time of year you can
remove/add equipment to your statement. It needs to be taken off
MIL's roles so she's not responsible for it anymore. I don't
think BIL gets that.
Also we found out that MIL hosted BIL/SIL and HIS inlaws for
Christmas day. So basically he didn't want to come to our home,
but still wanted a Christmas with his mom. The whole idea of
having it at our house so she wouldn't have to cook, etc, but I
guess she had to do that anyway. So annoying.
#Post#: 72982--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: Hmmm Date: January 11, 2022, 2:45 pm
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If I were your husband, I wouldn't go through his brother about
the tractor. I'd contact the new owner and just inform him that
the tractor was not part of the sale of the business and the
tractor ownership has been transferred to him. And then I'd just
give a date of 1 week to come pick it up or the new business
owner could purchase it from you at the current fair market
value of $x,xxx.
As an employee, your BIL really shouldn't be involved in the
transfer of the asset.
#Post#: 72984--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: Despedina Date: January 11, 2022, 4:55 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2222.msg72982#msg72982
date=1641933950]
If I were your husband, I wouldn't go through his brother about
the tractor. I'd contact the new owner and just inform him that
the tractor was not part of the sale of the business and the
tractor ownership has been transferred to him. And then I'd just
give a date of 1 week to come pick it up or the new business
owner could purchase it from you at the current fair market
value of $x,xxx.
As an employee, your BIL really shouldn't be involved in the
transfer of the asset.
[/quote]
Its not the new business that bought the shop who has possession
of the tractor. Its kind of complicated. BIL asked the new shop
owners if he could continue deliveries there for his boss (who
works at another location where deliveries would be difficult)
and they agreed, and were supposed to be using the forklift for
moving the pallets onto BIL's truck. Its all really stupid and
is bound to go south soon as its a liability for the new shop
owners. I just hope my MIL doesn't get caught up in some legal
issue. Meanwhile BIL is storing the tractor outdoors where
anyone could steal it. Some of BIL's hair-brained schemes are
really silly.
#Post#: 72990--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: Aleko Date: January 12, 2022, 1:13 am
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[quote]BIL's hair-brained schemes[/quote]
Just curious: was that Autocorrect getting creative there, or is
‘hair-brained’ a thing now in Leftpondia? It’s new to me.
#Post#: 72991--------------------------------------------------
Re: Force Family Awkwardness
By: oogyda Date: January 12, 2022, 7:27 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2222.msg72990#msg72990
date=1641971608]
[quote]BIL's hair-brained schemes[/quote]
Just curious: was that Autocorrect getting creative there, or is
‘hair-brained’ a thing now in Leftpondia? It’s new to me.
[/quote]
I'm surprised you're not familiar with the term. It means
something that's foolish, reckless or badly thought out.
I suppose in "rightpondia" it's more common to use the term
harebrained, in reference to a jumpy little animal that is
related to a rabbit.
Both harebrained and hairbrainded are accepted spellings. The
hyphen is more commonly used in North America and is an accepted
variation as well.
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