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#Post#: 71816--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: Jem Date: November 18, 2021, 8:51 am
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[quote author=STiG link=topic=2212.msg71788#msg71788
date=1637194963]
Annnnnd mic drop. Too harsh? Not harsh enough? Some better
way to get across the point that I think it was incredibly
obnoxious of her to make her announcement this week instead of
waiting until next week.
[/quote]
I think if you feel it important to make it very clear how much
you do not approve of the cousin it says a lot more about you
than it does about the cousin. I agree with DaDancingPsych that
I appreciate you as a fellow poster and find this to be out of
character. I also agree with lakey that the cousin has a
difficult life, whether due to her own choices or not. It may
help you to recognize this and have some compassion rather than
feel it is your place to attempt to add to her difficulties. You
don't have to condone the cousin's life choices, but the kids
are innocent and if you were to refuse to acknowledge the
pregnancy it would come across as YOU being immature and cruel
more than the cousin being a person unworthy of being
congratulated on a major life event. Just say congratulations on
the Facebook post and be cheerful and stupid (as per Dr. Joy
Browne) if the cousin acts immaturely at the shower.
#Post#: 71817--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: TootsNYC Date: November 18, 2021, 9:24 am
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I wonder if reaching out to congratulate her before the shower
would eliminate the idea of the "aren't you going to
congratulate me?" you will have already done so.
And maybe...
What if you gathered up info on everybody else's "life events"
(birthdays or wedding anniversaries within a couple of weeks,
both the other pregnancies, maybe someone just got a promotion,
or a new puppy, or finally finished building the backyard deck).
Have a big announcement session at the very beginning, and
say, "let's all congratulate all these people! [applause, etc.]
And now that we've done so, let's turn our attention to DbD, and
this much waited-for baby, for the rest of her shower. I'm sure
we all know how tough this has been for her, and I'm so glad for
a chance to show her the love and support of her family and
friends during this joyful time."
That'll be a reminder to everyone where the focus should be.
#Post#: 71818--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: BeagleMommy Date: November 18, 2021, 10:00 am
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I would send a quick congratulations to her via Facebook (or
however she posted). Then don't mention it.
If she brings it up at the shower, just say "I did congratulate
you...on Facebook".
#Post#: 71820--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 18, 2021, 12:02 pm
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[quote author=STiG link=topic=2212.msg71812#msg71812
date=1637243266]
Just discovered a possible reason why my feelings on this have
been as strong as they have. I have accidentally been off my
anti-anxiety medication for about a week. ::) I fill two
weeks worth of those pill containers at a time. Only had a few
of that one left but filled in the rest of what I take, got the
med ordered and picked up and didn't go back and fill in the
containers.
Though the good news is that I haven't been as sick as I
normally get when I've forgotten before. So time to talk to the
doctor about tapering down my dosage.
[/quote]
This does explain a lot. I hope that you are able to get back on
a med routine and feel more like yourself. I think that you are
excused from making any decisions concerning this issue until
you are back up and running. I know then that you will make
perfectly reasonable decisions that honor DbD and handle cousin
in a truly graceful way!!!
#Post#: 71823--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: Hmmm Date: November 18, 2021, 12:11 pm
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1) I think announcing her pregnancy before the shower was a
better option. If she is out of her first trimester she may
already be showing. Showing up and having someone say "Oh, wow!
Are you pregnant!" would be a lot more attention grabby than
just having people tell her congratulations.
2) I think your dislike of her life style and life choices is
coloring your reactions. Imagine this was your beloved niece who
to share with family and friends her good news via a FB post,
waiting till after the 3rd trimester. Would you still be so
angry?
3) I think your best option is to go ahead and PM a wishing you
all the best instead of waiting till the day of the shower.
I hope this does not offend you, but I might also add that the
family may be reacting to your views that this baby is more
loved or wanted than other children. This comment "so everyone
knows how much this baby is wanted and loved already" really
stood out to me. It reminded me of a Reddit post where the
parents and grandparents of a "miracle baby" seemed to feel
that having gone through great hardship to have the child, the
child should be treated as special and rules for other kids
didn't apply to that child.
#Post#: 71841--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: STiG Date: November 18, 2021, 7:26 pm
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Point has become somewhat moot as Cousin will not now be
attending the shower. She asked to bring her kids with her; she
was informed that she could not bring them, with Covid rules
being to blame (not by me) and changed her RSVP.
#Post#: 71874--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle thunder stealing cousins
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 19, 2021, 1:07 pm
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That sounds like it solved itself for you. Now you can focus on
making the shower a special day for DbD!!!
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