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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 71397--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: lisastitch Date: November 3, 2021, 6:26 pm
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Not wanting to host--absolutely.
I hope someone else will step up to host, and that you will
consider going. Sometimes--and I will emphasize sometimes--it
is right and helpful and healthy to push yourself a little to go
to a gathering. That assumes that the people who are there care
about you and know about your loss and will be ready with a
quick hug if you're overwhelmed. It can help distract you from
your grief, and there are times when that is good for you.
Grief takes over a life.
As others have said, talk with your DH to make sure you're both
comfortable with whatever option you choose.
My sympathies with your loss. You do heal from grief, but
there's always a scar.
#Post#: 71400--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: Winterlight Date: November 3, 2021, 7:20 pm
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I think this is a moment where someone who is not you should
take over Tday. You should do what you feel comfortable doing at
this point.
I'm so sorry for your loss. May her memory be for a blessing.
#Post#: 71415--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: Lilipons Date: November 4, 2021, 9:49 am
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Everybody here has given you good advice and said all there is
to be said.
I’m just chiming in to offer agreement and support.
#Post#: 71940--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: Rain Date: November 22, 2021, 7:51 pm
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I'm looking forward to picking up my favourite meal from a
restaurant on Wednesday and reheating it for 🦃 Day.
I plan to binge watch movies and stay in my pajamas all day.
#Post#: 72009--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: peony Date: November 25, 2021, 4:19 pm
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I am so sorry for your loss, Rain, and I hope you are having a
comfortable and peaceful day today.
#Post#: 72012--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: Rain Date: November 25, 2021, 5:02 pm
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I made a pecan pie, had Cajun pasta, knitted, and kicked back.
It was what I wanted/needed.
Thanks
#Post#: 72232--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: jazzgirl205 Date: December 5, 2021, 6:33 pm
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My mother died in November of 2017. That first Christmas was
celebrated in her house where my sisters lived who had cared for
her. I could not spend Christmas in that house without her. I
just couldn't. Instead, I spent Christmas with just my husband
and daughter in our little house in the woods. The next
Christmas, I gathered with my family. I was ready.
You will be ready, too, soon enough. Give yourself time.
#Post#: 72238--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: Aleko Date: December 6, 2021, 3:19 am
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For some years now Christmas in our house has consisted of DH
and me, his mother who lives nearby, and my father who would
come down from the Midlands to be with us. (DH is an only child
and they have no other close family: I have two brothers but
they both have children of their own who come to them at
Christmas.) This time last year it was just DH, me, and his
mother, because my 92-year-old father was in hospital in the
Midlands, having gone in late in November after a series of
mini-strokes. Which in ordinary times would have been perfectly
treatable and rehab-able: but last winter Covid was raging
through British hospitals, and on Christmas Eve they called and
told us he had caught it in spite of all the best they could do.
Throughout the holidays we expected every day to get a call to
say he had died of it. The tough old so-and-so actually survived
the infection - but it had taken the last of his strength, and
in the small hours of 6th January they called to say his whole
system was crashing and he’d be gone in a few hours. And he was.
So this December it’s just me, DH and MIL. Christmas with MIL
has always been something of an ordeal, because she’s of the
school of thought that says everyone has to be kept together all
the time at Christmas and at New Year: nobody is allowed to go
off and do their own thing even for a minute. And as she has
never had any conversation to speak of, plays no games, and has
no notion of taking walks or any other kind of activity, that
means nobody can do anything at all over Christmas except eat
more than they want and watch television or some movie old and
simpleminded enough for MIL to get it - Boredom Central. And at
New Year, rinse and repeat. (After being widowed a second time,
for years she turned down invitations for New Year’s Eve saying
‘No, no, I can’t desert my son and DIL!’. Which meant of course
that we routinely had to decline invitations to New Year
parties, till friends stopped inviting us to them.)
Dad used to say, and it was true, that his coming to us at
Christmas was an act of charity to save us from going
stir-crazy. I miss him so much, every day. But now, this
Christmas, his empty chair will be in my line of sight all the
time. With the pandemic regulations as they are, of course
there’s no way to invite a friend who’d otherwise be alone, or
cook up a get-together or outing to give us a change of air or
something different to think about, anything at all that might
just change the shape of the holiday a bit. Plus, MIL has
recently taken a definite dip into dementia: her memory is shot,
so she’s liable to repeat the same remark or question every five
minutes or so. There’s no way that 24 December to 2 January can
be anything other than terrible. I’m dreading it.
#Post#: 72242--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: gramma dishes Date: December 6, 2021, 9:14 am
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I'm so sorry!
#Post#: 72245--------------------------------------------------
Re: 1st holiday after death in the family
By: EmmaJ Date: December 6, 2021, 11:55 am
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=2197.msg72242#msg72242
date=1638803667]
I'm so sorry!
[/quote]
Yes me too - I am so sorry Aleko
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