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#Post#: 73616--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: NewHomeowner Date: February 7, 2022, 4:33 am
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[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=2189.msg72435#msg72435
date=1639528028]
I'd forgive people doing this once, maybe twice, especially with
a really convincing excuse. But, I'd probably also just write
them off when it comes to inviting them to anything after that.
[/quote]
I used to have a bunch of friends that would regularly meet at a
certain restaurant that we all loved. Then, during the planning
of another get together, one of my friends said, 'I'm tired of
that restaurant, and so is Carol. Can we choose another place?'
Okay, I'm flexible. So I chose another restaurant.
Neither of them showed.
Last time we ever did that.
#Post#: 73642--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: lowspark Date: February 8, 2022, 7:40 am
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[quote author=LadyJaneinMD link=topic=2189.msg73616#msg73616
date=1644230002]
[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=2189.msg72435#msg72435
date=1639528028]
I'd forgive people doing this once, maybe twice, especially with
a really convincing excuse. But, I'd probably also just write
them off when it comes to inviting them to anything after that.
[/quote]
I used to have a bunch of friends that would regularly meet at a
certain restaurant that we all loved. Then, during the planning
of another get together, one of my friends said, 'I'm tired of
that restaurant, and so is Carol. Can we choose another place?'
Okay, I'm flexible. So I chose another restaurant.
Neither of them showed.
Last time we ever did that.
[/quote]
That reminded me of this:
I have an annual theme party (or used to before covid!) that
people anticipate every year. I would sometimes announce the
date of the party well in advance because people requested I do
so they could mark their calendar. One year, I had a friend who
was pretty new, but we had become pretty good friends. She'd
never been to that party before because of our newness and
requested that I change the date because she really wanted to
come but couldn't make that date.
So I did. And... you guessed it. After pre-approving the new
date, it turned out she still couldn't come. And to add insult
to injury, another good friend of mine who could have made that
first date wasn't able to make the second.
I learned. I pick the date. Whoever can come can come. Others,
I'll see ya next year.
#Post#: 73649--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Aleko Date: February 8, 2022, 11:00 am
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[quote]I used to have a bunch of friends that would regularly
meet at a certain restaurant that we all loved. Then, during
the planning of another get together, one of my friends said,
'I'm tired of that restaurant, and so is Carol. Can we choose
another place?'
Okay, I'm flexible. So I chose another restaurant.
Neither of them showed.
Last time we ever did that.[/quote]
Not that it's any excuse for just failing to turn up, but I
wonder whether the change of venue made them realise that
actually it wasn't the restaurant but the routine get-together
that had got old and stale for them? I'm sure we've all at some
time found ourselves getting ready as usual for something that
for years we loved doing, and realised that actually it has
become just a chore.
#Post#: 76296--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Winterlight Date: July 11, 2022, 2:19 pm
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[quote author=Despedina link=topic=2189.msg71033#msg71033
date=1634677147]
So I was scrolling FB and the post came through again. Here is
the exact wording:
I don't like agreeing to plans too far in advance because I
don't know how I'll feel day of. I also don't like same day
plans because its too short notice. Where is my support group.
There is also a new response which made me shake my head: I
can’t be held responsible for knowing what my mental state will
be in advance
[/quote]
The last one really annoys me, because I have friends who have
various mental health issues who still manage not to be rude. If
they call out last minute, it's because they're having a really
bad day and know they can't function in public, not because they
can't be bothered after making plans.
#Post#: 76309--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Mistress Mae Date: July 12, 2022, 4:10 pm
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2189.msg71044#msg71044
date=1634733865]I have no problem with people who say "I don't
know what my schedule will be next week, when do you need a
commitment?", but repeated no shows means you don't get invited
any more.
[/quote]
I agree with this. I sometimes won't know what my schedule is
for a certain week up to and including the Sunday of that week
and even then I might be unsure. During those times I'd decline
the invitation because I'm not sure, and I much rather say no
just in case.
#Post#: 76313--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Winterlight Date: July 12, 2022, 10:13 pm
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[quote author=Mistress Mae link=topic=2189.msg76309#msg76309
date=1657660235]
[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2189.msg71044#msg71044
date=1634733865]I have no problem with people who say "I don't
know what my schedule will be next week, when do you need a
commitment?", but repeated no shows means you don't get invited
any more.
[/quote]
I agree with this. I sometimes won't know what my schedule is
for a certain week up to and including the Sunday of that week
and even then I might be unsure. During those times I'd decline
the invitation because I'm not sure, and I much rather say no
just in case.
[/quote]
And I'd be fine with this because I know you're not flaking.
I've worked irregular schedules myself, so some weeks I'd be 9-5
M-F and others I'd be working nights and weekends. It can make
having a social life difficult, but I'm happy when I can get
time with that friend even if it's a bit of a job to arrange.
#Post#: 76314--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Aleko Date: July 13, 2022, 12:51 am
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[quote]And I'd be fine with this because I know you're not
flaking.[/quote]
Absolutely. Saying “I won’t know till the Sunday before whether
I’ll be free, and even then I might be called in at the last
minute” is the opposite of flaking. The organiser knows exactly
where they stand.
#Post#: 76368--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: sms Date: July 15, 2022, 2:02 pm
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It's understandable that people need to check calendars and
schedules before they commit but they can't leave people
hanging.
I think if you can't commit in a reasonable timeframe then say
no or if it's an unavoidable reason then at least advise the
hosts of the situation. Speaking for myself if you can't get it
together to commit within a certain timeframe I would rather you
just said no.
Don't get me wrong, I understand needing to check. I do too.
But it seems lot of people say maybe and then never confirm one
way or the other.
I don't chase people anymore if they don't answer me back.
#Post#: 76483--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: sms Date: July 25, 2022, 1:49 pm
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Reviving this topic because i was wondering about how much
leeway you would give someone who is struggling with anxiety
etc? I have someone close where I am sure that high stress and
high anxiety is fuelling a lot of flaky behaviour , cancelling
plans ( even plans they initiate ), not committing, not
returning phone calls etc.
I'm trying to be patient and understanding. I don't bombard
with frequent invitations and when I do issue an invitation I
try to keep everything low key but you can only be bailed on so
often before you start to wonder if you should bother anymore.
I mean this has been a couple of years now.
I care about them and don't want to write them off. Other
mutual friends say to keep inviting them, don't give up on them
but I get the impression they can do things when they want to or
need to so the flaking is starting to wear at me.
What does everyone think? How much do you tolerate?
#Post#: 76484--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Jem Date: July 25, 2022, 2:21 pm
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I think anxiety is an explanation for behavior but not an
excuse, meaning anxiety or [insert reason] might explain poor
behavior but does not excuse it. I personally would not make
plans that depended on someone I cannot trust to follow through
on what they said they would do. And if a person won’t commit I
won’t make plans with that person.
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