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#Post#: 72178--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: ZekailleTasker Date: December 2, 2021, 11:58 am
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A patron recently dropped into my office at the library asking
to see the crafts that were made at a program for adults the
night before. I said I was sorry, but I had nothing to show as
no one had come for the class, not even those who had signed up.
(It was limited to six people so we could socially distance.)
And her response was "Oh, I was going to come, but I didn't sign
up because I hate to commit to anything." She was pleasant and
nice and very funny about it but...what????
And I shall always treasure the comments of a patron who showed
up at 3 pm to attend a drawing program that ran from 10 a.m. to
12 pm. "Well, how was I supposed to know it wasn't all day?
Why didn't you call me?"
How about because you keep telling me you are a responsible 35
year old? P.S., Dear--this was one of the reasons we never
hired you.
#Post#: 72413--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Venus193 Date: December 13, 2021, 4:31 pm
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This irritates the living daylights out of me.
I have been a Meetup organizer since 2013 and it gets on my last
nerve. I stopped trying to arrange pub nights for my groups
because too many other groups have made it next to impossible to
do business with pubs and restaurants in my city because of
people who RSVP "Yes" and then flake. In pre-Covid times no
matter how many times I remind people to purchase their opera or
concert tickets in advance too many didn't and ended up not
being able to get seats.
The Potluck Queen resents not being sure how many bags of chips
or boxes of frozen appetizers to buy for her parties because too
many people refuse to commit 48 hours in advance. I have tried
to convince her to set that as a deadline but she fears that
nobody will comply.
She's giving her Christmas one this Friday and I will go by the
numbers on Wednesday morning before I go out to purchase what I
will need to make boeuf bourgignon. If a latecomer loses out,
tough.
#Post#: 72416--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: holly firestorm Date: December 13, 2021, 10:16 pm
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Well if you let people know in advance that you're making your
boeuf bourgignon then they're just plain stupid (or vegetarian)
if they don't show up!
Do you all think this has gotten substantially worse since the
rise of social media or do you think people have always been
this way? I think it's also worse with some groups of people
than others, and I don't mean age or any particular thing
either. Just some groups of people think it's OK to just not
show up and others don't.
#Post#: 72418--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: lakey Date: December 13, 2021, 10:44 pm
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[quote]
Do you all think this has gotten substantially worse since the
rise of social media or do you think people have always been
this way?[/quote]
I don't think it's any worse than in the past. I've known quite
a few people who used to organize meet ups, lunches, ticket
purchases, and so on, and just won't do it any more. They got
tired of the people who don't show up, are late, don't pay when
they're supposed to, and won't make a commitment before the
deadline. The organizer has to waste their time phoning,
texting, or emailing people to get them to follow through.
#Post#: 72420--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Rose Red Date: December 14, 2021, 6:42 am
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[quote author=lakey link=topic=2189.msg72418#msg72418
date=1639457071]
[quote]
Do you all think this has gotten substantially worse since the
rise of social media or do you think people have always been
this way?[/quote]
I don't think it's any worse than in the past. I've known quite
a few people who used to organize meet ups, lunches, ticket
purchases, and so on, and just won't do it any more. They got
tired of the people who don't show up, are late, don't pay when
they're supposed to, and won't make a commitment before the
deadline. The organizer has to waste their time phoning,
texting, or emailing people to get them to follow through.
[/quote]
I don't think it's gotten worse either. Some people are always
like that. That's why etiquette boards have been around for
years.
For example, I've been reading with interest about the potluck
queen and her guests ever since the old board.
#Post#: 72428--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: lowspark Date: December 14, 2021, 11:40 am
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People who don't bother to reply or say yes and then flake out
at the last minute get scratched off my invitation list for
future events. It's rude. If you can't be bothered to commit,
then I can't be bothered to invite you anymore.
#Post#: 72429--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Winterlight Date: December 14, 2021, 2:10 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2189.msg72420#msg72420
date=1639485749]
[quote author=lakey link=topic=2189.msg72418#msg72418
date=1639457071]
[quote]
Do you all think this has gotten substantially worse since the
rise of social media or do you think people have always been
this way?[/quote]
I don't think it's any worse than in the past. I've known quite
a few people who used to organize meet ups, lunches, ticket
purchases, and so on, and just won't do it any more. They got
tired of the people who don't show up, are late, don't pay when
they're supposed to, and won't make a commitment before the
deadline. The organizer has to waste their time phoning,
texting, or emailing people to get them to follow through.
[/quote]
I don't think it's gotten worse either. Some people are always
like that. That's why etiquette boards have been around for
years.
For example, I've been reading with interest about the potluck
queen and her guests ever since the old board.
[/quote]
In the days of yore, before the internet existed, etiquette
books often wrote about the issue of guests who bail without
notice, and this was going back to turn of the last century.
People are people, and some people choose to be flakes.
#Post#: 72435--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: holly firestorm Date: December 14, 2021, 6:27 pm
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I'd forgive people doing this once, maybe twice, especially with
a really convincing excuse. But, I'd probably also just write
them off when it comes to inviting them to anything after that.
#Post#: 72443--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Venus193 Date: December 15, 2021, 8:07 am
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As of this morning the Yes RSVP list is up to 17, including two
known vegans. Both of them typically contribute a dish or two
each and PQ typically buys both veggie and fruit trays.
I will be shopping in about two hours because the meat needs to
marinate overnight and I want to make this tomorrow so all I
will have to do on Friday in prep is to wash my hair. I posted
a request for someone to bring French baguette bread loaves.
As to PQ's partying adventures, she did eliminate the moochers;
getting people to post what they're bringing also helps to
eliminate unnecessary duplication. Most people now will post to
the party page if they can't make it or if they will be late.
Covid restricts the guest list to only those vaxed folks who are
invited. The last-minute RSVP issue is the last frontier.
#Post#: 73611--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Winterlight Date: February 6, 2022, 9:40 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2189.msg71528#msg71528
date=1636442888]
[quote][quote]Quote
Another mentioned that when she no shows to things, her friends
are super sweet and reach out to see if she is ok and check on
her mental well being.[/quote]
I can think of a very few people I would do this for, and
they're incredibly dear close friends who have serious medical
conditions which flare up unexpectedly and can lay them out flat
(and I'm including clinical depression in this.) In their case,
I'd give them a pass. But (and this may sound smug, though I'm
not intending to) I have contacted people when I was in the ER
to let them know I couldn't make to an event we'd been planning
to attend. Someone who sounds like they do this on a regular
basis because they can't be bothered and expect their friends to
rally round just sounds annoying.
[quote]Quote
One person even said that her friends know to keep every Sat
open until she can decide that morning if she wanted to do
something.[/quote]
Yikes. I would not have the patience to be friends with this
person.[/quote]
Me neither. But it does strike me that this kind of attitude is
really only possible for people in ‘easy circumstances’ who have
no real responsibilities in their lives. Could anyone with a
business to run or a child / disabled spouse / frail elderly
parent to look after (let alone more than one of these!) humour
a friend who wouldn’t commit to a day out? Or be tenderly
sympathetic when they flake?
I bet that as soon as the ‘super-sweet’ people acquire any of
these burdens, which surely most of them eventually will, their
flaky friends will be left wondering ‘Why is nobody inviting me
to anything, or reaching out to me to check on my mental
well-being?’
[/quote]
I think the only way I could make the Saturday planner
friendship work (if I was really, really motivated to do so)
would be to go ahead and make my own plans that didn't depend on
this person. So, say, tell them on Saturday, "hey, there are a
few of us going to try out some local mead, are you interested?"
Or, "I want to catch that new exhibit at X museum and then go to
the botanic gardens," and then go from there. In the case of the
latter, if they say no, then I'm happy to go alone. Or, if on
Saturday, they manage to come up with something exciting enough
that I'd be willing to put off the museum/garden, then great. (I
would not ditch the mead group because that's rude and also
mead.)
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