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#Post#: 71044--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: BeagleMommy Date: October 20, 2021, 7:44 am
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I agree with those who say selfish, rude, and a bit entitled.
I have no problem with people who say "I don't know what my
schedule will be next week, when do you need a commitment?", but
repeated no shows means you don't get invited any more.
#Post#: 71057--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: oogyda Date: October 20, 2021, 11:13 am
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This is definitely something that falls under the "know your
audience" umbrella.
If this is how you and your friends operate, go for it!!
If you're the only person in a group that has this attitude, it
may be time for some self-reflection.
I know when I was much younger my friend groups had a tendency
to do things last minute. I think we all learned along the way
as we had more and more responsibilities thrust upon us that
planning ahead was preferred and brought better results.
#Post#: 71063--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: DCGirl Date: October 20, 2021, 2:09 pm
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In college I dated a guy who couldn't commit to things "too far
in advance," so that meant that buying concert or theater
tickets before they sold out was impossible. At the time, I was
young and thought he'd mature and change. I finally realized
that what aggravated me so much was that he couldn't commit to
things that were valuable to me, like seeing my favorite band,
and I broke up with him. But, it sounds like people like him
never really mature, do they?
#Post#: 71148--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: jazzgirl205 Date: October 23, 2021, 6:39 pm
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When I moved to the county where I now live, I quickly learned
that no one invited anyone to their home. No one went to the
trouble of entertaining friends. They just met at restaurants.
Where I am from, people have luncheons, dinner parties, game
nights, you name it. Therefore, they had no idea how rude
canceling out and just not showing up was to the person who took
the trouble to clean house, cook, devise diversions. They
didn't see the problem with changing their mind last minute and
telling the host, "I just didn't feel like it."
#Post#: 71157--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: gramma dishes Date: October 24, 2021, 8:15 am
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[quote author=jazzgirl205 link=topic=2189.msg71148#msg71148
date=1635032396]
When I moved to the county where I now live, I quickly learned
that no one invited anyone to their home. ... Therefore, they
had no idea how rude canceling out and just not showing up was
to the person who took the trouble to clean house, cook, devise
diversions. They didn't see the problem with changing their
mind last minute and telling the host, "I just didn't feel like
it."
[/quote]
I would think that would be rude in any country! >:(
#Post#: 71163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Aleko Date: October 24, 2021, 1:29 pm
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[quote][quote]Quote from: jazzgirl205 on October 23, 2021,
06:39:56 pm
When I moved to the county where I now live, I quickly learned
that no one invited anyone to their home. ... Therefore, they
had no idea how rude canceling out and just not showing up was
to the person who took the trouble to clean house, cook, devise
diversions. They didn't see the problem with changing their
mind last minute and telling the host, "I just didn't feel like
it."
[/quote]
I would think that would be rude in any country! >:([/quote]
But not, apparently, in Spain.
More than a decade ago now, when DH and I were active in
organising British/Spanish reenactment events, a party of the
Spanish reenactors who we were friends with let us know they
were visiting England to see an international military model
fair. We couldn't take the day off to join them there, but as we
live only about a dozen miles off the route they would be taking
back to their hotel in London, we invited them to come to our
place after the fair, and we'd invite some British re-enactors
who they knew, and give everyone a proper 18th-century dinner in
our 18th-century house. So on the day there I was checking on my
pies, basting the leg of mutton and whipping syllabubs, with the
table laid for twelve with beeswax candles and all our best
reproduction Georgian china and glass - when the British guests
arrived from the fair alone, saying 'The Spanish aren't coming -
M's wife felt a bit tired, so they decided to go straight back
to London'.
We heard later that when they got back to Spain they told a
mutual friend, an Englishman who teaches in their city, all
about their trip and said that they hadn't gone to our big
dinner he fairly hit the roof: "Don't you realise what you've
done? When you've accepted a dinner invitation in Britain YOU
SHOW UP! You've committed about the biggest social crime there
is!" And they were aghast; they had had absolutely no idea.
(It's also true that in Spain, just as in the county jazzgirl205
mentions, people don't tend to entertain at home. We had some
really good friends in Spain but they always invited us to bars
or restaurants; we were only invited inside somebody's home
once, and that was because he wanted to show us his militaria
collection, which obviously he couldn't do anywhere else.)
#Post#: 71164--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Rose Red Date: October 24, 2021, 1:50 pm
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Do they also think it's acceptable to cancel for restaurants and
bars at the last minute without a darn good reason? This would
drive me crazy.
#Post#: 71192--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: lowspark Date: October 25, 2021, 3:28 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2189.msg71164#msg71164
date=1635101433]
Do they also think it's acceptable to cancel for restaurants and
bars at the last minute without a darn good reason? This would
drive me crazy.
[/quote]
That's my question too.
I have a friend who is like this, though. She cancels at the
last minute, or just doesn't bother to show up with no notice at
all. It's always, "I was tired" or "I fell asleep" or some such.
It's infuriating.
I quit inviting her to anything where it matters if she shows
up. If it's a "more the merrier" whoever can come is fine kind
of thing, sure. But otherwise, nope.
And here's the clincher. When people post pix of get togethers
on social media, she will sometimes comment that she would have
liked to have been invited.
As another friend of mine put it, she doesn't understand what it
takes to BE a friend.
#Post#: 71193--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: TootsNYC Date: October 25, 2021, 4:28 pm
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[quote author=jazzgirl205 link=topic=2189.msg71148#msg71148
date=1635032396]
When I moved to the county where I now live, I quickly learned
that no one invited anyone to their home. No one went to the
trouble of entertaining friends. They just met at restaurants.
Where I am from, people have luncheons, dinner parties, game
nights, you name it. Therefore, they had no idea how rude
canceling out and just not showing up was to the person who took
the trouble to clean house, cook, devise diversions. They
didn't see the problem with changing their mind last minute and
telling the host, "I just didn't feel like it."
[/quote]
I'd think it was rude to just cancel even if you were going to a
restaurant! I've been looking forward to seeing you, and to
having a nice evening out with you, all week. Now...nothing?
I go by myself, or I just go home after all?
#Post#: 71195--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: holly firestorm Date: October 25, 2021, 7:15 pm
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Sometimes same day cancellations can't be helped. Sh** happens.
But, make the dated and then not show up at all???!!!!
I'm reading some of these examples and wonder if these flakes
ever invite other people or plan get togethers at restaurants or
whatever or do they just wait for other people to shoulder the
whole burden (so to speak). If they do play host sometimes...how
do they react when someone does unto them what they've been
doing unto others? Is it OK if they expect a certain number of
people and several just don't show up...or several extra do? I'd
bet they would get pretty put out about it if it were done to
them.
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