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#Post#: 71019--------------------------------------------------
Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Despedina Date: October 19, 2021, 9:32 am
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Recently a FB "friend" posted a quote from someone (I think from
twitter). To paraphrase, the statement from the person was
"Inviting me to an activity a week ahead of time is too far out.
Inviting me the day before is too last minute. Where is my
support group for this?"
I know that this was said "tongue in cheek", but the poster had
about 20 responses to this shared message that they completely
agreed that they didn't like committing to things and usually
wouldn't. One person even said that her friends know to keep
every Sat open until she can decide that morning if she wanted
to do something. Another mentioned that when she no shows to
things, her friends are super sweet and reach out to see if she
is ok and check on her mental well being.
I was a bit surprised. I really wanted to comment that when my
"friends" no show to things or won't commit I usually lose
interest in trying to invite them. I didn't say this because I
didn't think it would change any minds. Is it wrong for me to
think of these people as selfish? If you don't want to go to
something, don't, but don't keep them hanging until Sat morning
(for example) or no show then wait for them to contact you.
#Post#: 71021--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: gramma dishes Date: October 19, 2021, 9:43 am
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I'm with you.
#Post#: 71022--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Aleko Date: October 19, 2021, 10:04 am
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Me too.
I do also wonder very much if the friends who are "super sweet"
to the person who apparently feels free to no-show to things
without apology or explanation, and who "reach out to see if she
is ok and check on her mental well being". are actually trying
to convey to her that only a sudden tragic event, amnesia, or
mental breakdown would justify standing one's friends up without
a word, but she's just not getting it?
#Post#: 71025--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Hmmm Date: October 19, 2021, 11:07 am
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Well, I guess she found her support group. ;)
Agree with others that this is a very selfish stance and show
immaturity. I can remember in college my social group waiting
till the last minute to plan things. But even, then if someone
was wanting to plan a specific activity like a bday celebration
or attending a festival together, we would all commit.
#Post#: 71027--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Despedina Date: October 19, 2021, 12:48 pm
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Well I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel this way. In recent
years, when the topic of "flaky" individuals come up with
certain family members or even in a couple of youth
organizations I"m in, I'm just told to let it go and hope that
next time the person can make it (or show up for the task they
were asked to take on where the organization is allowed). My
response is always that I would never make a huge deal out of
it, but at some point you have to stop inviting said person, or
depending on them to do a task if that was going to be the norm
with them. Not "hope" they show up and if they don't, scramble
to get a task done or wonder if they are ok. Some people just
don't take well to that response.
#Post#: 71033--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Despedina Date: October 19, 2021, 3:59 pm
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So I was scrolling FB and the post came through again. Here is
the exact wording:
I don't like agreeing to plans too far in advance because I
don't know how I'll feel day of. I also don't like same day
plans because its too short notice. Where is my support group.
There is also a new response which made me shake my head: I
can’t be held responsible for knowing what my mental state will
be in advance
#Post#: 71034--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: sms Date: October 19, 2021, 4:08 pm
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Ooof not just selfish and rude but these people aren't even
embarrassed about it?
It's hard to tell on FB though since there's really no way to
know the truth. But even taking it at face value I can't help
but think that "super sweet" friends enable this shit.
Where's their self respect that they're OK with being a chump?
#Post#: 71035--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Titanica Date: October 19, 2021, 5:01 pm
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I agree that it's extremely rude.
And I think it's just another way of saying, "Ok, I'll do X with
you if a better offer doesn't come along between now and then."
#Post#: 71036--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: holly firestorm Date: October 19, 2021, 5:37 pm
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I know people like that. They are called narcissists.
People like that are friendly acquaintances, not friends.
#Post#: 71038--------------------------------------------------
Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
By: Jem Date: October 19, 2021, 5:53 pm
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[quote author=Despedina link=topic=2189.msg71033#msg71033
date=1634677147]
So I was scrolling FB and the post came through again. Here is
the exact wording:
I don't like agreeing to plans too far in advance because I
don't know how I'll feel day of. I also don't like same day
plans because its too short notice. Where is my support group.
There is also a new response which made me shake my head: I
can’t be held responsible for knowing what my mental state will
be in advance
[/quote]
Obviously I don't know the people involved here, but I know a
lot of people who might post something like that tongue in
cheek. Lots of people I know consistently post self-deprecating
comments or memes about how they don't know what they are doing
in life or as a parent or ____, but in real life they are
confident, funny, accomplished people. They are not intending
their comments to be taken at face value.
I would find it strange if the initial poster was actually in
fact looking for a support group. I took it as more of a "does
anyone else relate to this funny/awkward part about being a
human?" Sort of like how I don't assume that people who use mugs
at work that say "This might be vodka" are alcoholics. They are
making what is arguably a funny statement.
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