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#Post#: 70705--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: chigger
Date: October 7, 2021, 3:46 pm
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I feel your pain! I am a baker, just a simple baker. The amount
of people that call me "Chef Chigger" actually astounds me. I
tell them over and over and over, that I am not a Chef. I feel
it's very disrespectful to the ones that have EARNED that title.
#Post#: 70706--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: October 7, 2021, 4:13 pm
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--- Quote from: Isisnin link ---
>
> [quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2180.msg70688#msg70688
date=1633612272]
> [quote]I only explain that Isisnin is the name my parents gave
me when someone asks me why I prefer to be called Isisnin. So
it's not really a tangent. It's a direct, honest answer to the
question.
--- End Quote ---
Sorry if it appeared I was unsupportive by use of "tangent". But
honestly, I still do not understand. They are using the name
your parents gave you. Do you feel that by adding an honorific
they are modifying your name? Do you feel that when an honorific
is added to a person's Lastname changes their surname?
.....
[/quote]
Ironically, I'd be JADEing if I answered those questions! LOL!
On the flip side, I totally don't understand why people
need/want to call someone by names or titles that they don't
want to be called. Renaming other people is a desire or thing
that I have never done or even thought of doing. Once I found
out a friend's legal name is Gertrude, yet she introduces
herself as and goes by Adrienne. Other than thinking that was
very mildly interesting, I had no reaction to that. I didn't ask
her why, I just kept calling her Adrienne.
Thanks for suggesting JADEing and practicing lather, rinse,
repeat! After all these years on this board, and and it's
predecessor, I didn't think of that! So I'll go that route.
[/quote]
Again, I'm sorry if my question was taken differently than it
was meant. I was not asking you to justify or defend your
position. I was looking for a yes or no answer. Either "Yes, I
do believe adding an honorific to a name is the same as using
the wrong hame or using a nickname." or "No, you misunderstood
my position." I'm not even asking you to explain your position.
I've just not ran across anyone feeling that use of an honorific
changes a name.
#Post#: 70735--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Bada
Date: October 10, 2021, 5:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote author=Isisnin link=topic=2180.msg70703#msg70703
date=1633635438]
> [quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2180.msg70688#msg70688
date=1633612272]
> [quote]I only explain that Isisnin is the name my parents gave
me when someone asks me why I prefer to be called Isisnin. So
it's not really a tangent. It's a direct, honest answer to the
question.
--- End Quote ---
Sorry if it appeared I was unsupportive by use of "tangent". But
honestly, I still do not understand. They are using the name
your parents gave you. Do you feel that by adding an honorific
they are modifying your name? Do you feel that when an honorific
is added to a person's Lastname changes their surname?
.....
[/quote]
Ironically, I'd be JADEing if I answered those questions! LOL!
On the flip side, I totally don't understand why people
need/want to call someone by names or titles that they don't
want to be called. Renaming other people is a desire or thing
that I have never done or even thought of doing. Once I found
out a friend's legal name is Gertrude, yet she introduces
herself as and goes by Adrienne. Other than thinking that was
very mildly interesting, I had no reaction to that. I didn't ask
her why, I just kept calling her Adrienne.
Thanks for suggesting JADEing and practicing lather, rinse,
repeat! After all these years on this board, and and it's
predecessor, I didn't think of that! So I'll go that route.
[/quote]
Again, I'm sorry if my question was taken differently than it
was meant. I was not asking you to justify or defend your
position. I was looking for a yes or no answer. Either "Yes, I
do believe adding an honorific to a name is the same as using
the wrong hame or using a nickname." or "No, you misunderstood
my position." I'm not even asking you to explain your position.
I've just not ran across anyone feeling that use of an honorific
changes a name.
[/quote]
I don't think it's JADEing to explain your thinking to people
you have asked for advice. Advice is best given when people
understand the situation. It's not the same as justifyimg
yourself to people who simply want to argue with you, which is
the group the JADE advice is meant for.
I'm with Hmmm in just being confused because those people ARE
using the name your parents gave you. The issue you have is with
adding a title, which has nothing to do with your parents.
I'd tell the people calling you Miss Isisnin "I prefer to simply
be called Isisnin, thanks!" And then "Please respect my
preference, just Isisnin."
#Post#: 70736--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Lula
Date: October 10, 2021, 7:22 am
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Even unintended, "My parents called me ___, not Miss ___" comes
off as needless snark. More importantly, it's explanation
people are not owed. "Please call me ___" is enough for first
offenses and gentle reminders. If someone persists, then add "I
don't like being called 'Miss.' I prefer to be called by my
first name, no title." And after that, "it's ___, no title."
#Post#: 70740--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: holly firestorm
Date: October 10, 2021, 4:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
They are calling you by your name and just adding an honorific,
which you find unnecessary. But, do they call everybody Ms.
Jane, Ms. Ann?
And are we also talking about regardless of age, rank and even
sex (Is John Smith called 'John' 'Mr. John' or 'Mr. Smith?')?
I've worked in places where this was done, usually pretty
friendly and close knit places. It was meant as an expression of
respectful affection. But, if you don't like it. You don't like
it. I think that's all you have to explain to people, the same
as (as has been pointed out) if they arbitrarily started calling
you by a nickname that you have never used &/or never liked,
that you just don't like that expression.
As for 'hun' 'honey' 'sweetheart' 'baby' etc. The 1950's called,
they want their demeaning, inappropriate, generic nicknames
back! I notice people do this either because they don't know
your name but like you or they like you, but still want social
leverage and are calling you one of these pet names to almost
infantilize you, for lack of a better way to say it. Honey,
babe, sweetie should be saved for family and friends, not
coworkers and clients or strangers you just met at the
supermarket.
Personally, the Ms. Ann etc. thing never bothered me...as long
as it was across the board. If the boss demands to be called by
the honorific plus his/her last name, then he/she address
everyone similarly etc.
#Post#: 70755--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: October 11, 2021, 1:10 pm
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I like the "lather, rinse, repeat" method. You don't need to
give them a reason why you want to be called Isisnin; it is your
preference and they should have enough respect to use what you
prefer.
I have told people (mostly men) that the only people on the
planet who get to call me "honey", "sweetie", or "baby" are the
ones I'm married to or related to.
The other thing I hate is when people insist on calling me
Jaclyn. My name is Jacqueline (although I go by Jackie).
Jacqueline and Jaclyn are not pronounced the same. When I
corrected someone once they said "What's the difference?". My
response was "One is my name and the other is not.".
#Post#: 70757--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Mrs Rat
Date: October 11, 2021, 1:24 pm
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It's funny how I avoided a petrol station because the guy called
me "love" but if it was a female I wouldn't have been creeped
out by it. I've met many older women who use 'hun' and these
type of things and I've been fine with them.
Where I'm from Miss is more formal as in at a medical facility
etc. Also we find people who have been to prison use Miss and
Boss. It's funny how different cultures use language.
I may be uncomfortable in certain situations, if it is a one off
thing I personally would dismiss it but in a work or social
environment if you state that you preferred to be addressed a
certain way then that should be respected.
#Post#: 70809--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: holly firestorm
Date: October 12, 2021, 3:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> I like the "lather, rinse, repeat" method. You don't need to
give them a reason why you want to be called Isisnin; it is your
preference and they should have enough respect to use what you
prefer.
>
> I have told people (mostly men) that the only people on the
planet who get to call me "honey", "sweetie", or "baby" are the
ones I'm married to or related to.
>
> The other thing I hate is when people insist on calling me
Jaclyn. My name is Jacqueline (although I go by Jackie).
Jacqueline and Jaclyn are not pronounced the same. When I
corrected someone once they said "What's the difference?". My
response was "One is my name and the other is not.".
>
--- End Quote ---
So weird! I've mentioned before that I go to a local archery
range. This hardly ever happens. But, yesterday I was shooting
with an older guy about my age and another man, a regular
shooter. (The regular guy is nice, but, never cuts the number of
arrows he's shooting short because everyone else is waiting. I
usually do if I have more than half my arrows left. But, this
time, I decided to finish shooting 4-5 more arrows for this
particular end, like the regular guy ALWAYS does.) The older guy
wasn't happy with how long it was taking me to shoot my arrows
and actually said to me, "Can you hurry it up, honey. I need to
go see the Dodgers game after this." [emoji12] I turned around
and just gave him the stank eye and said to him, "There is no
'honey' here unless that's what you two are calling each other."
He actually apologized for the 'honey.' But, a guy apology,
trying to excuse himself because "I'm just in kind of a hurry."
If I really wanted to be a b*tch, I could have said, "Go home
and watch the game, then. Nobody's stopping you. If my shooting
10 arrows was such a problem for your schedule, why are you
still shooting? Why aren't you packing up already?" But, I just
dropped it.
#Post#: 70823--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: October 13, 2021, 8:06 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Here in South Carolina, using Miss or Mr first name to refer to
a person older than one's self is ingrained from childhood. It
is still my default address for someone who is a friendly
acquaintance. It's seen as respectful, and it is never meant to
be condescending. If someone asked me not to refer to them in
such a manner, then I would refrain from doing it. I might slip
occasionally because of habit. I would apologize for my mistake.
I would hope that it wouldn't be seen as disrespect.
#Post#: 70857--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: October 13, 2021, 4:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Kimpossible link ---
>
> Here in South Carolina, using Miss or Mr first name to refer
to a person older than one's self is ingrained from childhood.
It is still my default address for someone who is a friendly
acquaintance. It's seen as respectful, and it is never meant to
be condescending. If someone asked me not to refer to them in
such a manner, then I would refrain from doing it. I might slip
occasionally because of habit. I would apologize for my mistake.
I would hope that it wouldn't be seen as disrespect.
>
--- End Quote ---
It’s quite common in other languages and cultures, too — Don
Carlos, Fraulein Maria.
I like the “Miss Mary/Mr. John” usage. It’s more intimate than
“Mr./Ms. Smith,” more respectful than “Mary/John.”
If you don’t like it, though, feel free to ask others not to use
it for you. But I agree with the others that it’s not an insult
or even condescension; like “Ma’am” or “Sir,” some people don’t
like it, but it’s definitely a sign of respect. (And I agree
also with the consensus that the “my parents named me” thing is
just confusing and could come off as snarky. Nobody’s parents
named them “Miss/Mr. _____.”).
I do think that what keeps it from being condescending is the
very important rule of addressing men and women equally. Both
or neither.
As to “Hon” and the like, in my opinion it is inappropriate
outside of the very specific exception of diner speak, where it
somehow manages to be delightful - but again, only if used for
both men and women.
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