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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 70664--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: October 6, 2021, 1:31 pm
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but the point is that you want them to NOT use "Miss." "Miss" is
not a NAME. It is an HONORIFIC, a title. Nobody's parents gave
them an honorific when they were born. It might help you to use
the righ tterms.
Say that. "I do not like my colleagues to use 'Miss' with my
first name. It is too formal and too distancing for the
workplace, and it offends me. Please respect this."
Use the word respect before they get a chance to.
#Post#: 70665--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: October 6, 2021, 1:36 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Today, someone who had been calling me "Isisnin" for months
now called me "Miss Isisnin" twice. I didn't say anything, but
need and want to. Can anyone think of any other way I can ask
her to call me Isisnin without having to get into lengthy
justification? And we're gearing up hiring for the holidays, so
this is bound to come up again.
>
--- End Quote ---
Can you take this person for coffee, or grab her for a minute or
two in the break room, and tell her that you noticed a change,
and that you'd really like her to go back to just using your
name? Tell her that you liked that; it made you feel that the
two of you were compatriots, colleagues together, with shared
goals,. Especially since this is work.
(I really do think you need to focus not on "my name" and more
on "don't use 'Miss.'")
And then ask her to help you with this by being a voice behind
the scenes for you, and also by modeling the right way to talk
to you, or to refer to you.
As for "hun," etc., maybe start saying, "Please don't use that
terminology here--it can come across very patronizing or
diminishing. I don't like it."
#Post#: 70673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Codewoman1125
Date: October 6, 2021, 6:01 pm
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When I worked retail (just a year before the pandemic) the
honorific "Miss" was used before a first name toward those
female of us who were upwards of a certain age. In other words
.... toward the older women. Not the older men (there were a
couple) or any of the younger people.
So, it may be a "respect toward your elders" type of thing. Like
a school child in the US did when I was younger (not sure if
they still do).
I was okay with it, since it indicated respect and they did not
treat me with any age-related negative stereotypes. And if I had
not been okay with it, I would have been comfortable addressing
it with the people themselves or HR or Management.
#Post#: 70674--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Dazi
Date: October 6, 2021, 8:41 pm
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I'm of two minds here. I'm from the Deep South and it is
cultural here to use Miss and it's not considered patronizing
(in general) to use honey, hun, dear, darling etc. You do not
like it and your preference should be respected. However, I do
think you are going about it wrong.
Tell people what to call you, not what not to call you. People
remember the negative before they will remember the positive in
these conversations. So, it's "call me first name" without
JADEing. When you say "don't call me Miss first name..." You are
reinforcing the actual use of Miss first name.
#Post#: 70687--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: lowspark
Date: October 7, 2021, 7:48 am
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I'm with you! I hate being called Miss Lowspark.
I think this is a case of lather-rinse-repeat... in other words,
quit JADEing and start repeating the exact same phrase no matter
what they argue back.
Me: "Please call me Isisnin."
Them: "Why?"
Me: "Please call me Isisnin."
Them: "But Miss a form of respect."
Me: ""Please call me Isisnin."
Them: "But that's what we do in the South and Patti is called
"Ms. Patti" (FYI, she isn't all the time. Often he's just called
Patti)
Me" "Please call me Isisnin."
As for honey and other, what I call, terms of endearment, they
have no place in a professional work environment. I live in
Texas and people have, historically, used those terms in my
experience. But it's mostly older women at the diner as they are
pouring your coffee refill, or similar. And that usage has
fallen over the years.
If someone in my office called me honey or hon I would
absolutely want to put a stop to that. It's definitely
inappropriate and has nothing to do with cultural respect.
#Post#: 70688--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: October 7, 2021, 8:11 am
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--- Quote ---
> I only explain that Isisnin is the name my parents gave me
when someone asks me why I prefer to be called Isisnin. So it's
not really a tangent. It's a direct, honest answer to the
question.
--- End Quote ---
Sorry if it appeared I was unsupportive by use of "tangent". But
honestly, I still do not understand. They are using the name
your parents gave you. Do you feel that by adding an honorific
they are modifying your name? Do you feel that when an honorific
is added to a person's Lastname changes their surname?
I agree with others, I think you are doing this wrong.
Each time someone calls you by Miss Isinin respond with "I
prefer just Isinin. Thanks". If challenged on why a simple "It's
my preference, thanks". If challenged again a simple "I
appreciate your interest, but it just is." And then change the
subject.
#Post#: 70698--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Babsie
Date: October 7, 2021, 12:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
My name is Barbara, and people often shorten it to Barb. I do
not care for that, and immediately ask them to use Barbara,
sometimes adding that Barb sounds harsh, like barbed wire.
If they slip up and use Barb, I very pointedly say "a ra". It
usually doesn't take more than one correction. This might not
help with the "miss" problem, but simply stating what I want in
a firm, clear voice leaves no doubt what my preference is.
#Post#: 70699--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: jpcher
Date: October 7, 2021, 12:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I went through a training session today on "Diversity and
Inclusion." ;D
I think this situation is similar to using the pronoun of a
persons choice . . . what people call/classify you as. The so
called honorific bothers you and you are well within your rights
to be bothered and have it corrected through the proper
channels.
--- Quote from: Codewoman1125 link ---
>
> When I worked retail (just a year before the pandemic) the
honorific "Miss" was used before a first name toward those
female of us who were upwards of a certain age. In other words
.... toward the older women. Not the older men (there were a
couple) or any of the younger people.
>
> So, it may be a "respect toward your elders" type of thing.
Like a school child in the US did when I was younger (not sure
if they still do).
>
> I was okay with it, since it indicated respect and they did
not treat me with any age-related negative stereotypes. And if I
had not been okay with it, I would have been comfortable
addressing it with the people themselves or HR or Management.
>
--- End Quote ---
First bold: LOL! If someone called me (at my advanced age)
'Miss' it would turn my head and I just might blurt out "I
haven't been a 'Miss' for 40 years now!"
To me, an elderly 'Miss' would be a spinster, which I am not.
(I'm thinking Miss Pittypat from Gone with the Wind. LOL!)
I agree with the second bold. I don't think you should involve
other co-workers because that is pitting them against the
wrong-doer, as in taking sides. This should be a private matter
between you and management. If you don't get satisfaction there
then HR is the place to go . . . All private, behind the scenes,
and should not involve co-workers.
#Post#: 70701--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 7, 2021, 1:22 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> My name is Barbara, and people often shorten it to Barb. I do
not care for that, and immediately ask them to use Barbara,
sometimes adding that Barb sounds harsh, like barbed wire.
--- End Quote ---
I see what you mean. Though actually I don't think you're
obliged to give any reason. Nobody has any business calling an
acquaintance or colleague by a pet form of their name that they
haven't been invited to use, unless they are a lover, close
friend or close family member. It might be one that only very
special people get to use. It might be one that the person
particularly dislikes. Or it just might be one that they don't
relate to.
If I join your (generic your) office or club or church and tell
you my name is Elizabeth, call me Elizabeth. Don't take it on
yourself to re-name me Beth or Liz or Betty without asking. Not
even if you find out it's what my mother calls me.
#Post#: 70703--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking people to call me by my name rude and culturally
disrespectful
DIR By: Isisnin
Date: October 7, 2021, 2:37 pm
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--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote]I only explain that Isisnin is the name my parents gave
me when someone asks me why I prefer to be called Isisnin. So
it's not really a tangent. It's a direct, honest answer to the
question.
--- End Quote ---
Sorry if it appeared I was unsupportive by use of "tangent". But
honestly, I still do not understand. They are using the name
your parents gave you. Do you feel that by adding an honorific
they are modifying your name? Do you feel that when an honorific
is added to a person's Lastname changes their surname?
.....
[/quote]
Ironically, I'd be JADEing if I answered those questions! LOL!
On the flip side, I totally don't understand why people
need/want to call someone by names or titles that they don't
want to be called. Renaming other people is a desire or thing
that I have never done or even thought of doing. Once I found
out a friend's legal name is Gertrude, yet she introduces
herself as and goes by Adrienne. Other than thinking that was
very mildly interesting, I had no reaction to that. I didn't ask
her why, I just kept calling her Adrienne.
Thanks for suggesting JADEing and practicing lather, rinse,
repeat! After all these years on this board, and and it's
predecessor, I didn't think of that! So I'll go that route.
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