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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 70533--------------------------------------------------
send condolence note or not
DIR By: cymbaline246
Date: September 30, 2021, 6:00 pm
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Forty years ago (you can roll your eyes, I am) I ended my
relationship with my first boyfriend. It had lasted about three
years, and ended rather badly. He was manipulative and sometimes
unkind.
Sometime after that, he had a falling out with some of his
closest friends. He moved hundreds of miles away, and never
contacted his them again. A year or so ago, I reconnected with
his former best friend, who mentioned being "willing to forgive
[Bill] but couldn't speak for anyone else." I have no idea what
happened. A couple weeks ago, Bill died. His buddy contacted me
to tell me, adding "Bill thought the world of you" which doesn't
square with how things ended, but maybe he did.
As poorly as things ended up, I did like Bill's sister. Reading
the obituary (his childhood hobbies, the places he worked, no
spouse or longtime companion, no passions or activities or clubs
as an adult) I'm thinking something was...wrong, somehow, for a
long time. Would a condolence note along the line of "I remember
the fun evenings Bill and I had, watching our favorite folk
group perform live and playing cards with his buddies" be nice,
or just weird?
#Post#: 70534--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: jazzgirl205
Date: September 30, 2021, 6:29 pm
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I would send a condolence letter. Somehow, I don't think his
sister will be getting that many. Death needs to be
acknowledged.
#Post#: 70535--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: September 30, 2021, 7:40 pm
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I think his sister would appreciate a letter from you and would
be a generous act of kindness. Going on the assumption that he
did have a hard life, hearing from someone who remembered a few
good times would be great solace. I understand that not all of
your time with him was positive. But I'm confident you can
remember good times from the first year to share.
#Post#: 70537--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: Rho
Date: September 30, 2021, 9:43 pm
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Yes send a brief note. You don't even have to put a return
address on the envelope His sister will be appreciative.
Surely SHE has memories from 40 years ago and won't think you
wierd.
#Post#: 70539--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: September 30, 2021, 10:46 pm
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I think his sister would find a condolence letter comforting,
it's a lovely gesture.
#Post#: 70542--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: October 1, 2021, 6:10 am
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Absolutely, write that nice, short letter with a happy memory
about Bill and saying you are sorry for her loss. It will mean
so much to his sister. All the other history is irrelevant;
just ignore it for this purpose.
#Post#: 70544--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: October 1, 2021, 7:20 am
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I am sure his sister would appreciate a note from you. She
needs all the kindness she can get right now even if her brother
was troubled.
#Post#: 70555--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: oogyda
Date: October 1, 2021, 12:45 pm
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> I am sure his sister would appreciate a note from you. She
needs all the kindness she can get right now even if her brother
was troubled.
>
--- End Quote ---
Perhaps "especially" since her brother was troubled.
#Post#: 70588--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: October 3, 2021, 9:46 pm
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I agree with everyone else here. It could be such a nice gesture
for her to appreciate, and I really can't see a downside. It
seems that she did not have the issues that he may have.
#Post#: 70617--------------------------------------------------
Re: send condolence note or not
DIR By: Winterlight
Date: October 4, 2021, 9:11 pm
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I think it's a kindness to her to send something. It's good to
know that even though things ended badly, you did have some
happy memories of him.
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