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#Post#: 70678--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Winterlight Date: October 6, 2021, 9:16 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2170.msg70638#msg70638
date=1633454186]
Part of my problem with them is true projection, and all about
me: I love, love, love anticipation.
I warned my now husband on our second date that I would prefer
to have all week to be excited about going to the zoo on
Saturday, instead of only getting the zoo and the
after-enjoyment. I like the pregame! I don't really like that
being taken away from me.
[/quote]
I think of it as enjoying things twice, once as I anticipate
them and once as they happen. I'm currently planning a trip to
England for a couple years out, and I take great pleasure in
finding places I want to see and things I want to do. Even if
the trip doesn't work out, I still got the fun of doing all the
research I like for cool ideas.
[quote author=Lula link=topic=2170.msg70642#msg70642
date=1633460471]
[quote author=Winterlight link=topic=2170.msg70616#msg70616
date=1633399763]
I've seen videos of the deployment surprises, and it so often
seems to happen during the middle of another event that it feels
rude. If they're graduating from high school, Jenny's dad coming
onstage during the ceremony to surprise his daughter can take
over the event, and that's not OK IMO. It's not just about one
person.
[/quote]
So, so, so very much this. Talk about reducing all the other
graduates to chorus members--props, even--on what is supposed to
be their day of stardom.
[/quote]
Exactly. And if any of them express annoyance or regret that
their whole class got turned into supporting cast members so dad
could get celebrated,* then they'd be shredded.
*Because it's not really about the kid, or dad wouldn't be
taking over their event.
#Post#: 70935--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Star Wars Fan Date: October 16, 2021, 7:42 pm
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While I'll never understand people not wanting to celebrate
their birthdays that's entirely their choice. When somebody's
determined to not celebrate their birthday you can't force them
to and I think the letter writer's way out of line.
Ed.
#Post#: 70970--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: lowspark Date: October 18, 2021, 9:15 am
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I just got through reading a book in which the following
scenario takes place.
Friend A asks Friend B over to be an adult/helper for a party
for her child (they are very close so it makes sense). The day
of, Friend B has some personal issues and just isn't up to the
task, so she hires a young adult to go over in her stead. Kind
of a selfish move, but within her personality. Much later,
Friend B goes over to A's house to join in the aftermath of the
party.
Turns out A had been planning to surprise B with a weekend trip
-- went to the trouble of packing B's suitcase, making hotel and
entertainment reservations, etc. The whole nine yards. A's
husband has to tell all that to B since A just went ahead and
went without B.
And therein lies a fundamental issue with planning a surprise.
Who is at fault here? Both? Neither? I dunno.
#Post#: 70972--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: AnnNottingham Date: October 18, 2021, 9:34 am
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I used to "threaten" to have a singing gorilla come to the house
for DH's birthday, or sic the "happy birthday" squad at a
restaurant on him, but I was never too serious. He's as
introverted as me, and if I would hate it, so would he x100. We
both enjoy a nice dinner out at our favorite restaurant, but I'm
not above subtly mentioning his birthday to the server out of
earshot-many comped desserts that way :).
#Post#: 70978--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Rose Red Date: October 18, 2021, 11:56 am
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2170.msg70970#msg70970
date=1634566504]
I just got through reading a book in which the following
scenario takes place.
Friend A asks Friend B over to be an adult/helper for a party
for her child (they are very close so it makes sense). The day
of, Friend B has some personal issues and just isn't up to the
task, so she hires a young adult to go over in her stead. Kind
of a selfish move, but within her personality. Much later,
Friend B goes over to A's house to join in the aftermath of the
party.
Turns out A had been planning to surprise B with a weekend trip
-- went to the trouble of packing B's suitcase, making hotel and
entertainment reservations, etc. The whole nine yards. A's
husband has to tell all that to B since A just went ahead and
went without B.
And therein lies a fundamental issue with planning a surprise.
Who is at fault here? Both? Neither? I dunno.
[/quote]
B should have called A to say she can't make it after all and if
sending a substitute is ok.
But A shouldn't have planned a trip anyway. How did A know B
will have time off, or even feel like it? A surprise last minute
trip only work in sitcoms (if that).
#Post#: 70984--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: TootsNYC Date: October 18, 2021, 12:46 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2170.msg70970#msg70970
date=1634566504]
I just got through reading a book in which the following
scenario takes place.
Friend A asks Friend B over to be an adult/helper for a party
for her child (they are very close so it makes sense). The day
of, Friend B has some personal issues and just isn't up to the
task, so she hires a young adult to go over in her stead. Kind
of a selfish move, but within her personality. Much later,
Friend B goes over to A's house to join in the aftermath of the
party.
Turns out A had been planning to surprise B with a weekend trip
-- went to the trouble of packing B's suitcase, making hotel and
entertainment reservations, etc. The whole nine yards. A's
husband has to tell all that to B since A just went ahead and
went without B.
And therein lies a fundamental issue with planning a surprise.
Who is at fault here? Both? Neither? I dunno.
[/quote]
I'd say B, because she shouldn't have changed the plans on who
the helper would be (from herself to the young adult) without
clearing it with her friend. If she did that, and her friend
didn't say anything when notified, then it's A, the trip
planner.
#Post#: 70991--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Soop Date: October 18, 2021, 2:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2170.msg70978#msg70978
date=1634576184]
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2170.msg70970#msg70970
date=1634566504]
I just got through reading a book in which the following
scenario takes place.
Friend A asks Friend B over to be an adult/helper for a party
for her child (they are very close so it makes sense). The day
of, Friend B has some personal issues and just isn't up to the
task, so she hires a young adult to go over in her stead. Kind
of a selfish move, but within her personality. Much later,
Friend B goes over to A's house to join in the aftermath of the
party.
Turns out A had been planning to surprise B with a weekend trip
-- went to the trouble of packing B's suitcase, making hotel and
entertainment reservations, etc. The whole nine yards. A's
husband has to tell all that to B since A just went ahead and
went without B.
And therein lies a fundamental issue with planning a surprise.
Who is at fault here? Both? Neither? I dunno.
[/quote]
B should have called A to say she can't make it after all and if
sending a substitute is ok.
But A shouldn't have planned a trip anyway. How did A know B
will have time off, or even feel like it? A surprise last minute
trip only work in sitcoms (if that).
[/quote]
I cannot imagine being happy with someone planning a weekend
away for me, to the extent of packing my bag. Not even my
husband would be so presumptuous (he wouldn't have a clue what
to pack and neither would my BFF). Obviously, it depends on the
relationship and the personalities of the people involved, but
not my thing, that's for sure.
#Post#: 70992--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Lula Date: October 18, 2021, 2:31 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Also, sending a stranger to watch somebody else's kids without
clearing it with the kids' parents? Nope, nope, nope.
Unfortunately, it's fiction, which guarantees weirder things
happen in reality.
#Post#: 71003--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Rho Date: October 18, 2021, 9:34 pm
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Also, sending a stranger to watch somebody else's kids without
clearing it with the kids' parents? Nope, nope, nope.
Unfortunately, it's fiction, which guarantees weirder things
happen in reality.
My Mother in Law pulled that one on me and I went along with it!
DH & I were visiting in his hometown during weekend of his H.S.
reunion. MIL was to babysit. She called a few days prior to
say she had better plans and a friend of hers would baby sit (in
a hotel room no less)
Not thrilled but it gets worse
We show up in Hometown that day and MIL friend backed out but a
friend of HERS could babysit. My choice was to let down my
husband who REALLY wanted to attend reunion with me or leave my
children with a stranger. Snap decision and we left the kiddies
with stranger. All worked out fine but I still feel the agony
over 30 years later. I never traveled with him again anywhere a
babysitter would be needed.
#Post#: 73470--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Judecat Date: January 31, 2022, 4:23 pm
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While I agree that public surprises of deployed parents
returning home, there is a very good reason you don't tell the
kids in advance -- because when you are in a war zone, you
don't know if you are getting out alive until you are on the
plane home. How much joy would the kids have anticipating
parents returning home, only to be told parent was KIA.
During the Viet Nam war, a boy I had casually dated was due to
return home on a Friday. His parents had a party set up and
invited all his friends. He was KIA on Tuesday.
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