DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 70501--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Lilipons
Date: September 29, 2021, 3:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Pons may enjoy a drink and a good meal with me and a friend
or two on his birthday but he does not like ‘festive’ occasions.
His birthday is Halloween and he’s albino. I think you can
understand why people see his birthday as party time and why
precisely he does NOT want that sort of thing.
The Birthday or Girl is the one who decides how the occasion
should be observed.
#Post#: 70505--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: September 29, 2021, 6:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
As an introvert, 8 have threatened to walk out of restaurants
that will celebrate 5he birthday person with singing or one
restaurant, that has you sit on a saddle as they sing happy
birthday.
I think the letter rider needs to respect his partners wishes or
he just doesn't respect his partner.
#Post#: 70509--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Rho
Date: September 29, 2021, 9:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
"I can't decide if the letter is real or not. Would someone be
this self involved to force their wish about how birthdays
should be celebrated on someone they claim to love?"
My husband enjoyed telling everyone at New Years Eve parties
that MY birthday was the next day. I begged him not to for
years. He truly could not comprehend that I didn't want any
focus on my Birthday at a party someone else was hosting.
Finally he threw a surprise 50th party for me inviting all our
freinds. I did enjoy the party and he stopped pestering me to
tell folks. But boy howdy if we ever retire and move---no one
will be told my birthday!
#Post#: 70511--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Aleko
Date: September 30, 2021, 1:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> Finally he threw a surprise 50th party for me inviting all our
freinds.
--- End Quote ---
When I’m Patrician and have absolute despotic power to make
whatever laws I want for the greater good of society, I shall
make the throwing of surprise parties a criminal offence
punishable by imprisonment. Nobody should have to come home from
a day’s work, just wanting their dinner and a bit of TV before
going to bed, to be faced with music, decorations and dozens of
jolly well-wishers letting off party poppers and chorusing
“Surprise! Happy birthday / retirement / [whatever]!” Even a
normally gregarious and social person will often be fazed by
that; and any introvert like me is likely to want to back right
out the door and go sleep in the car till they’re sure that all
these people will have gone away and it’s safe to come home.
Rho, I’m really glad you enjoyed it, but seriously: I can’t
imagine anything more hellish than a surprise party that really
was a complete surprise - I mean, one where I wasn’t expecting
anything at all. A surprise when you’ve been told something’s
planned but kept in the dark as to what: that can be a blast.
(On my mum’s 60th birthday my dad had to go to work as usual; he
told her he’d planned a treat for her and that transport would
arrive mid-morning. It proved to be a dashing young man ( ;)) on
a high-powered motorbike (:P - Mum was a total speed merchant)
who handed her a spare helmet and invited her to mount behind
him, and they zoomed off to what proved to be a nearby airfield,
where a light aircraft was waiting (Mum had also been a pilot
herself in her day) to take her on a flight low over our house
and the surrounding countryside. She was absolutely ecstatic,
best birthday ever. She said the only thing that could have made
it better is if the pilot had had a blackout so she could have
taken over the controls and flown the plane herself, because she
reckoned she totally remembered how to do it.)
#Post#: 70515--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Soop
Date: September 30, 2021, 8:40 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: wonderfullyanonymous link ---
>
> As an introvert, 8 have threatened to walk out of restaurants
that will celebrate 5he birthday person with singing or one
restaurant, that has you sit on a saddle as they sing happy
birthday.
>
> I think the letter rider needs to respect his partners wishes
or he just doesn't respect his partner.
>
--- End Quote ---
I have let family and friends know that I will walk out if there
is public singing in a restaurant for my birthday. Luckily, my
friends and family aren't like the selfish LW and abide by my
wishes.
#Post#: 70517--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: September 30, 2021, 9:49 am
---------------------------------------------------------
re: surprise parties. All of those surprises, actually.
This is my Unpopular Opinion.
I think they're very selfish. I think they put SO much emphasis
on the person planning the surprise, and very little actually on
the person being surprised.
I'm probably greatly projecting, but I always think it's mean to
delay someone's enjoyment like that just so you can enjoy the
process of planning the surprise. And it seems like there's so
much chatter about how great the surprise-planner is, and how
well it went, etc.
It just feels like it's all about the planner, and not about
the surprisee.
I also think, wouldn't a mom rather have weeks of being excited
about her kid coming home for Christmas, than have the shock of
surprising them?
There are a few that seem OK for me, mostly because it doesn't
seem to take away from the surprisee; I've seen some instances
where someone on vacation in another place is surprised by
someone who joins them. That doesn't feel quite as selfish.
I think those feel less selfish because they aren't
co-opting an event that -should- be about the surprisee. Those
events are totally artificial, and created by the surpriser, so
it's appropriate for them to prioritize themselves a little bit.
But coming home from deployment, and surprising your kid in
front of the class--that seems cruel, actually. Wouldn't the kid
have more happy moments if he knew a week ahead that dad/mom was
coming home, and then maybe the surprise is that the soldier
comes to school instead of being there when the kid got home?
It just feels rude and selfish to plan a surprise, instead of
letting them happen.
That said...I often hesitate to say this, because my husband
planned a surprise party for my 40th, and I enjoyed it a lot.
The surprise was indeed part of the fun. (He did a reverse
surprise party--I came home from church to find everything set
up for a party, but no guests. Then the doorbell rang...and rang
again...and rang again...)
#Post#: 70521--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: September 30, 2021, 10:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I do agree that most situations are poor choices for a surprise
party. I'm sitting here thinking of people in my life and I can
only come up with one person who would enjoy a true surprise
party. She's also the person who I had talk out of planning one
for her mother-in-law and also one of the people who can't grasp
my personal wishes for low-key birthday's.
#Post#: 70523--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: September 30, 2021, 10:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Re: Surprise parties
I think it is a know your audience type thing.
My husband did a surprise party for me for my 30th. He sent me
on a scavenger hunt around our area while things were being set
up at home. It wasn't until I got to the last stop and the clue
had me returning home that I realized what was going on. I loved
it.
1. I did not have to get involved in the planning at all, which
was a treat for me.
2. I loved that my husband went to such trouble planning the
whole event including getting local restaurants and merchants in
on the plan.
3. I enjoyed hearing the accolades lauded on my husband by our
friends for him being so clever and considerate.
Would I want a surprise party every few years? No. But once or
twice in a lifetime is fine.
Now my husband does not like big celebrations at all so he would
hate to walk into a surprise party in his honor.
I do agree with other types of surprises. I'd hate a surprise
trip unless it was just a weekend type thing to a place I had
been. I like the planning and arranging of travel and
investigation of places to visit. I'd also much rather enjoy the
anticipation of knowing my daughter or son was coming to visit.
#Post#: 70538--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Rho
Date: September 30, 2021, 9:56 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
But coming home from deployment, and surprising your kid in
front of the class--that seems cruel, actually
Toots! I thought *I* was the only one who thought that was
cruel!
The surprise party for me: DH warned me someone would be on our
doorstep 10:00 A.M. and it was IRL best friend. We spent the
day(January 1) shopping. When we came back to my house DH
instructed me to dress nice and said we were going to a certain
restaurant. When the 3 of us arrived for some reason I told the
hostess we were part of a group of 50 guests. We were escorted
to a back room and TA DA there were indeed 50 friends shouting
at me!
Some years later I did the reverse surprise party for husband.
He thought we were hosting 8 folks for a Ba-B-Q a month after
his Birthday. Three casual friends showed up and pretended they
were driving by and needed a washroom. Then more and more folks
showed up and finally husband realized what was happening.
I have been told surprise parties never are a good idea but for
us--we knew our audience--they were.
#Post#: 70540--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 1, 2021, 1:47 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> I have been told surprise parties never are a good idea but
for us--we knew our audience--they were.
--- End Quote ---
They both sound great. But in both cases the honoree knew there
was some festivity planned for them, just not the exact shape or
scope of it. So they were dressed up and ready to party and be
celebrated. I suppose there are a few people who can joyfully
switch into full-on social mode when they find themselves
pitchforked into a big shindig when they were expecting a quiet
supper and bed, but not many.
*****************************************************
Page 2 of 5
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page