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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 70472--------------------------------------------------
Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Hmmm Date: September 29, 2021, 9:37 am
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I read the letter about the partner complaining that his SO did
not like to do birthday celebrations and feels. Actually
recommended counseling about not wanting to do a bday
celebration and says his behavior is "cavalier at best, and
cruel at worst" to their friends who want to celebrate him.
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/09/28
I can't decide if the letter is real or not. Would someone be
this self involved to force their wish about how birthdays
should be celebrated on someone they claim to love?
edited to update the link.
#Post#: 70473--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 29, 2021, 10:00 am
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I can't open the link. Can you describe the letter?
#Post#: 70476--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: DCGirl Date: September 29, 2021, 10:22 am
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Try this link:
HTML https://www.mercurynews.com/2021/09/28/miss-manners-i-think-its-selfish-that-my-boyfriend-wont-submit-to-birthday-plans/
I agree with Miss Manners. Forcing someone to have a public
birthday celebration when they don't want to is wrong.
#Post#: 70477--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Aleko Date: September 29, 2021, 10:39 am
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Or this link, which isn't behind a paywall.
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/09/28
I must say I found it hard to believe anybody could be not
merely so selfish but also so stupidly oblivious to how badly
they were showing themself up, but then perhaps I have too much
faith in human nature!
#Post#: 70479--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 29, 2021, 10:57 am
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Yep, Miss Manners nailed it!
I am someone who doesn't really celebrate her birthday. I am
amazed by the number of people who will bulldozer over my wishes
and force things upon me. Then I have to act like I am
enjoying/appreciate their kindness... which I know came from a
good place, but completely missed the mark. I have tried to be
very clear about what I want (and don't want) with limited
success. Some people just don't understand that I am completely
fine that the day is just another day and that I mark it in my
own strange, unique ways.
#Post#: 70480--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: Rose Red Date: September 29, 2021, 11:09 am
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The wording is so over the top (cruel? really?) that I'm not
convinced it's real. Or else it's written by the birthday boy
who is fed up with his partner trying to force a party on him.
Also, do friends really get upset if you don't with to
celebrate?
If the letter is real, he needs to let it go and support his
partner's decision. They have a happy life so don't let this one
thing ruin it.
#Post#: 70485--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: holly firestorm Date: September 29, 2021, 12:03 pm
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There are also religious groups that do not celebrate birthdays
and most holidays. If someone isn't a birthday or holiday
person, let it go. Put the invitation out there but, don't force
it down their throats.
#Post#: 70486--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 29, 2021, 12:11 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2170.msg70480#msg70480
date=1632931779]
Also, do friends really get upset if you don't with to
celebrate?
[/quote]
I have never had anyone get upset and suggest that I need
therapy, but they certainly get fussy. They insist that I MUST
celebrate. They even do sneak attacks to force it. I think in
their minds that they think that I'm being dumb and of course I
need to celebrate my birthday.
The letter might be beefed up a bit, so I don't doubt that the
basic problem is real.
#Post#: 70489--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: September 29, 2021, 12:40 pm
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That letter was so irritating. While reading it, I felt like
saying to the LW, "Look, if you want to have a party because you
love parties, then go and have your party! Don't force your SO
to have to be the centerpiece in something that is really for
you."
#Post#: 70492--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners and the Birthday Bully
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 29, 2021, 2:24 pm
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Wow. The LW seems to believe that everyone in the world wants
to celebrate their birthday the same way he does. It is clear
his partner doesn't want to be the center of attention and he
should respect his partner's wishes.
I have a dear friend who absolutely hates to be the center of
attention. She found out her sister was going to throw one of
those "over the hill" themed parties for her 50th birthday. Her
husband thought it would be so much fun. She wanted a dinner
with just family. She told her husband, "if my sister throws
this type of party I will turn around and walk out. So either
you tell her not to do it or I will walk out".
She got the dinner she wanted.
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