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#Post#: 70283--------------------------------------------------
My son's wedding
By: LurkingGurl Date: September 21, 2021, 5:04 pm
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My son's wedding was last Saturday and it was a great party! The
food was amazing! And the DJ was good about only playing songs
from their list.
There were two things though that happened that are etiquette
related and that have me a little upset. The first one is that
the wedding planner and her assistant left 15 minutes before the
party was over! And because they were leaving then, they went
around and un-decorated all the tables 20 minutes before the
end.
The way it works is that the party is supposed to end on the
hour and then there is an entire hour that we still have the
venue so that we can get all of our stuff together and out of
there. My daughter in law was on the dancefloor when they went
to say good -bye to her! They had come up to me around the same
time and said that they were put all the decorations by the door
and that they were leaving. I really didn't know what to say.
Some might say, well, it's only 15 minutes. But, when you plan
for 9 months and pay over $20K for a party that is going to last
5 hours, you expect to get every minute out of it!
My sister and some old friends of mine were sitting at a table
talking when they came around and started pulling the
centerpieces. But, what happened next really ticked me off.
Apparently, pulling the decor is the cue for the venue staff to
start taking linens off the tables and folding them up! I go
into the dining room at 10 minutes til and my stuff from where I
had been sitting is now piled on a single chair, all the other
chairs having been gathered up. And guests are still around one
table that is now bare.
I was like "What the heck is going on?!!" And they said, well,
when the planner starts pulling the decor we start cleaning up.
We thought you gave her permission to do that. I think they
should have waited regardless. How can there be something that
is "automatic" when I am standing right there!
So, that was the first thing. The second thing happened earlier
in the night. We hired someone through the DJ to live stream
the ceremony through to the First Dance. This was so that we
could get the speeches and toasts. So, the First Dance was
supposed to take place after dinner after the speeches and
toasts. Just before dinner, the livestream guy asked our planner
when the First Dance was going to happen because he was supposed
to stay for that and he had to leave. She then MOVED UP THE
FIRST DANCE TO BEFORE DINNER!!! All of a sudden, they are coming
in for their big entrance and going right into the dance! And
so we got none of the speeches streamed. And it was something
we paid extra for, but since he was there "through the First
Dance" what can we do?! I am livid with her!
I understand that people had a great time at the wedding. I am
glad that they did. But, I spent hours and hours and tens of
thousands of dollars working on this. To have one person derail
things that we had put into place is just galling. I was not
wanting it to end, and so having people tear things apart early
felt so insulting to me. The parting words of the planner were
"Don't forget to leave a review!"
Oh boy!
#Post#: 70290--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: Aleko Date: September 22, 2021, 2:22 am
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She asked for a review, so give her one! From the sound of it
you can genuinely praise a lot of what she did, so you should.
And you should also say quite clearly what she did wrong.
Un-decorating the tables before the end of the party 20 minutes
before the end of the party, so that guests have them whipped
away under their noses, may be trivial but it has a
disproportionately damping effect: everyone’s last impression of
the event is a negative not a festive one. It’s also completely
unprofessional - an event organiser should NEVER expect to be
able to leave at the same time as the guests, period. She needs
to hear it from you how unsatisfactory this practice of hers is,
and prospective future clients need to be warned about it, for
sure!
As for changing the order of events at the request of the
cameraman so he could bunk off early, without checking with you
even though you were right there to be asked if that was OK,
that’s unforgivable. (Though, BTW, why on earth did the bridal
couple meekly obey her? They must have known they weren’t
supposed to dance till after dinner, surely!) Again, prospective
clients need to be alerted to the possibility that she might
change their event around without consulting them.
In your place I’d be inclined to pay the cameraman’s fee - he
fulfilled the letter of his contract - but deduct that sum from
her bill, since it is entirely her fault, caused by her
deliberate and unwarranted action, that he failed to provide
what you had hired him for. But only you can know if you’re
prepared to deal with the aggro she might throw back at you if
you did that.
But IMO the venue staff aren’t at all to blame. Once the table
decorations have been stripped those are no longer festive
tables, so it’s entirely logical for them to take that as a
signal to start stripping the table linen. Nor do I think they
were obligated to check with you - their contact person was the
party planner. Many hosts might be quite peeved with them if
they did - “Why are you bothering me? I paid a planner to take
care of stuff like that! Go ask her!”
#Post#: 70293--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 22, 2021, 7:37 am
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Every wedding I've been to that used a planner always had the
planner, or at least her staff, clearing the venue once the HC
has left. That is the sign that the party is over. The event
staff took their cues from your planner so I can't blame them
for doing what they normally do.
When the live stream cameraman booked with you he should have
specified if he needed to leave at a specific time. If he was
supposed to stay until "after the first dance" that is what he
should have done. The wedding planner should not have
rearranged the event. She should have checked with you or the
HC to see if this was okay.
Give her a review, but be sure to mention what made you happy as
well as what upset you.
#Post#: 70300--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 22, 2021, 10:36 am
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I'm not impressed with this planner. Part of the planner's job
is to be the "big meanie" at the party. When a vendor wants to
change the schedule, they push back and ensure that things go to
the original plan. And they should ensure that all services are
provided to the end of the party... including their own.
Removing decorations is a signal to service providers and guests
that the party is over. I am glad that it was a fun evening, but
these are still annoying things.
When I write reviews, I write them for anyone else considering
their services. I know that I always appreciate detailed, honest
reviews. This includes the bad and the good. Maybe these aren't
deal breakers for some potential customers, but others would
want to know about your experience.
If this planner was otherwise good to work with, I might provide
her with the opportunity to know about my dissatisfaction. I am
not sure how she could correct the problem now, but it could be
valuable feedback.
#Post#: 70305--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: chigger Date: September 22, 2021, 12:41 pm
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I've never seen a wedding planner leave until the very end!
Usually, the bride and groom make their exit, and guests start
to leave, then breakdown occurs. IMHO, the planner should have
been there until everything was completed. Her/Him changing the
timing of the first dance is just shitty. To be devil's
advocate, I would have expected the B&G not to still be on the
dance floor in the last 15-20 minutes, but that was really
crummy that the planner hauled out so quickly!
I've worked a lot of weddings, and the planner is one of the
last to leave, and will usually help load up any personal things
that belong to the hosts, decorations, etc. Never ever have I
seen one that grabbed things off tables and left them by the
door. Very odd. I'd be irked also.
#Post#: 70308--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: Hmmm Date: September 22, 2021, 3:23 pm
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I would have been upset too. Did the wedding start late? It
seems odd that the person doing the live stream also needed to
leave before the expected time and the wedding planner was
trying to bug out early.
How horrible for the bride and groom to think they were doing
their grand entrance and then would be seated for the speeches
to instead be rushed into going directly into their dance.
#Post#: 70310--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: Jem Date: September 22, 2021, 3:38 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2165.msg70308#msg70308
date=1632342214]
I would have been upset too. Did the wedding start late? It
seems odd that the person doing the live stream also needed to
leave before the expected time and the wedding planner was
trying to bug out early.
How horrible for the bride and groom to think they were doing
their grand entrance and then would be seated for the speeches
to instead be rushed into going directly into their dance.
[/quote]
I was thinking this too! Was the reception for a set time, say
7-midnight, and the live stream person left at like 7:20 and the
wedding planner started closing down at 11:45? Or was it that
the reception was supposed to start at 7:00 but didn't start
until like 8:30 so the bride and groom expected everything would
just be pushed back an hour and a half?
#Post#: 70315--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: LurkingGurl Date: September 22, 2021, 6:50 pm
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Thank-you for the helpful replies!
Yes, a honest review might help someone else avoid these
pitfalls by even putting them into the contract.
So, the ceremony was to start at 4:30 and go until 5. It
started late but did not end late. It was just a very short
ceremony anyway and probably worked to our advantage that it
started late. Because if it ended early, the bar would have
been opened early...
The schedule was simple:
Ceremony 4:30 - 5
Cocktails 5-6
Entrance at 6 with dinner to follow until 7
Speeches & Toasts 7-7:20
First Dance 7:20
Cake Cutting
Dance floor opens 7:30
Garter and toss bouquet at 8:30
Party Ends/Cleanup begins 10 pm
Everything out of the venue by 11pm
So, he was supposed to be there from 4:20 p until roughly 7:30.
He actually showed up before 3, but it's possible he was helping
the DJ load in and that's why he was there so early.
It's just galling after all these Zoom calls and planning that
she would change something on a dime. Her response to me was
that the bride and groom had signed off on the change. But what
else could they do? They were relying on her and her expertise
and my daughter in law kept telling her to run things by me
first because she wanted to make sure it was ok.
The planner's response to me about packing up the decorations
has me madder than before. She said she and her assistant
packed things up for us "as a courtesy." And that she wasn't
responsible for the venue taking up the tables. I wrote back to
her that I didn't need her help so much that I was willing to
end my party 15 minutes early.
We were trying very hard to make sure that we had as much time
for dancing as possible. So, we closed the bar from 6-6:45 so
that we could keep it open until 9:45. We purchased 4 hours of
open bar. So that was 5-6; and 6:45 to 9:45. We really wanted
to close it 15 minutes before we were expecting people to leave.
And we had coffee and tea in to-go cups for them as well. Dinner
ended a little early so people did start dancing at some point
and had 3+ hours to do so.
My frustration is that there was no reason, save her wanting to
go home, to start packing things up before clean up time. And
there was no reason to change the schedule save the live stream
guy wanting to leave. The event that I paid $20K for and planned
for 9 months was altered by people hired to be there who put
their own personal nonsense before my event. No one wants
vendors like that!
There were people who went for "last call" at the bar at 9:30
who put their drink down at their table only to find the entire
table missing when they went back to retrieve it! Just so rude!
I have half a mind to email both the venue and the planner so
that they can understand how their interaction made me feel. I
felt helpless! I was nicely enjoying the last little bit and all
of a sudden everything was being taken apart! When I responded
to the planner saying that them taking the room apart wasn't her
fault, I said "You should have been there to make sure that
didn't happen!!! Where were you? What was so important that you
had to leave 15 minutes before it ended?!"
I'm not really interested in her further response. What I wanted
to hear was "You're right, we shouldn't have left you like that.
We will do better in the future." I really hate it when people
are not accountable. She said something to me like she hoped
that the last 15 minutes did not overshadow an otherwise
successful event, but for me they did--because it was rude to me
what she did! I WAS having a good time and lamenting that it was
going to be ending soon, only to find out that it was already
over!
It's an emotional process letting go of it all. I appreciate the
advice. I will probably wait until the negative emotions pass so
that I can write a review that will be helpful to other people
and not just my own retribution. There's nothing she can do
about it now. And while I am wiser, I probably won't host
anymore weddings because I only have sons and it was out of the
ordinary that this one married someone whose family is from
another country.
It is true that everyone had a great time. Really, that was the
most important part-all the friends from years and years that
came together and were so happy to celebrate together. No one
misbehaved. There were after parties after both the rehearsal
dinner and the wedding! The rehearsal dinner was at a local
restaurant. And they overcharged me!!! Luckily I took a picture
of my receipt and checked it later. I tipped generously on the
overcharged amount which was over $246 more than it was supposed
to be!
Still trying to get that corrected. For the rehearsal dinner my
sister and her husband went to Aldi's and bought bottles of
wine. So, I served $3 bottles of wine and paid the $15/bottle
uncorking fee rather than buy their inhouse $23+ bottles! The
restaurant arranged the white wine bottles on a table in a
basket of ice. And the reds were at room temp on a table. People
could come over and ask for a bottle to be uncorked and then
take it back to their table. I also picked up the drinks for
everyone who ordered a beer or cocktail. It cost me roughly $35
pp before tip and I tipped $500 which was 33%. They did an
outstanding job of keeping things flowing. It was a little slow
but that gave people a chance to chat with everyone else there.
And my reward--the rehearsal dinner was also my granddaughter's
6th birthday. I got her a macaron tower with a candle on top.
She had over 40 people singing Happy Birthday to her and she
blew out her candle right on cue and was happy as a little clam!
So, all in all, it was a great success and that was owing the
wonderful friends that my son and daughter in law have
cultivated.
We had one couple who were vegans and I thought would add how to
dealt with that. The venue had a policy that we could order up
to 4 vegan meals for no extra charge but they had to all be the
same thing. Any other that would be $16/plate. Since we also had
4 vegetarians, I decided to order vegan plates for them. We
contacted the vegans and gave them the choice for which of the 3
plates available that we would get.
They were also able to have the salad and two of the sides
offered on the buffet. The vegetarians could eat all the sides
offered on the buffet. And then we ordered vegan cupcakes from
the same bakery as the cake and those were served to them when
the cake was cut for everyone else. They were also able to
choose which flavor for the cupcakes.
Apparently, the vegan meal was a big hit with them! One of my
vegetarians wasn't able to come due to illness so we had an
extra vegan plate which was also served with the two of them to
share. They were ecstatic! I don't know if they were just very
pleased that we went the extra mile to make sure that they had
enough food to eat and not just the extras. But, my son's friend
was really happy, going on and on about how amazing it tasted
and how they really appreciated it.
I am happy I was able to accommodate them. That was one of my
peeves from the beginning. It is a burden to try and accommodate
a diet like that. But I didn't want anyone coming to the wedding
to feel like they were being hosted in anyway less than anyone
else. You invite people to dinner, you have to serve them food
they can eat! And it worked out like a dream!
I can't say enough good things about the venue. It was a
beautiful place. We didn't have to decorate it much for it to
have a great party vibe. And there was a place outside for the
ceremony. Enough parking for everyone with no issues at all. And
we had our rehearsal dinner the night before at a restaurant in
the same parking lot so the bridal party had just to walk over
after the rehearsal.
Things did go really well in a hundred different ways and I am
going to start focusing on that more and more so that the
smaller frustrating aspects start to fade. Thank you all for
helping me do that!
#Post#: 70316--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 22, 2021, 7:47 pm
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Mary Sunshine Rain, it is ok to be disappointed by minor things.
I encourage you to hold on to the happy memories and moments and
let go of the negative ones. But that is for you so that you can
cherish the day. But don't beat yourself up because you were
disappointed with certain aspects... the planners were
disappointments!!! They may have done many things right, but
they got some things wrong. You tried to provide them with
feedback and they got defensive. That's their loss. Do as
requested and write the review. The honest and factual review. I
can feel you're emotion in your writing here (the feelings are
fresh and you are among friends, so that's natural), so yes, I
would give yourself a moment. Heck, Brimstoners love helping to
find polite wording, so I might encourage you to post your
review here (so we can review the review!) But don't shy away
from providing these details. No, they didn't ruin the day, but
it's also not what you paid for!
But I am glad that it was a great day and I am excited for the
addition to your family!!!
#Post#: 70325--------------------------------------------------
Re: My son's wedding
By: Jem Date: September 23, 2021, 8:51 am
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Mary Sunshine Rain it sounds like a lovely, lovely set of events
and I completely understand your disappointment (anger?) with
the vendors! I really do not understand why they would have
acted as they did! I agree writing an honest and factual review
would be appropriate. I wonder if there is any recourse in the
contract? Not that you want to continue to pursue this, but
there may be some way to get money back or some satisfaction.
When I read reviews, the ones that come across as factual rather
than emotional tend to have the most impact. I think you are
doing a good job of working through your emotions here so that
your review will be negative but in a "good way," if that makes
sense!
And congratulations on your son getting married!
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