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#Post#: 70198--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: sandisadie Date: September 18, 2021, 5:55 pm
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If I was invited to a wedding such as described I'd go just for
the experience. I don't agree with the idea that the sexes must
be separated, for almost any reason, and I don't agree at all
that women can be disrespected by being treated as inferior to
men, but I do respect other cultures and their right to think
and act according to their beliefs. I agree with others who say
that family members ought to attend this kind of wedding,
because they are, well, a member of the family.
#Post#: 70206--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: Rho Date: September 18, 2021, 10:12 pm
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"The only gender separated weddings I know of are observed by
Orthodox Jews. "
There is plenty of drinking at Orthodox Jewish weddings so I
suspect this one was Moslem.
Hmmm my daughters traveled across USA with new long sleeve, high
bodice dresses to attend Orthodox wedding of their brother. The
women had as much if not more fun than the men, parties ended at
the same time, and the food in both rooms was equally lavish.
And two months later my son and his new wife traveled the other
way across USA to attend wedding of older sister even though
they could not eat anything at the non-kosher reception.
It's all what one is used to. Segregated parties are not my 1st
choice of a reception but I would never turn down an invitation
for that reason. I will keep my opinion to myself about getting
blind drunk or perhaps starting a fist fight at a wedding
reception. Not to mention the look on my husband and my face
when we saw our first ever Dollar Dance just a few years ago.
It's all about what one is used to.
#Post#: 70207--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: September 19, 2021, 1:47 am
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Interesting to read everyone's responses!
I recall there were a couple of additional complications, in
that (1) a close friend of the OP and his girlfriend were
getting married on the same day as the OP's sister (a local
wedding); and (2) the OP's girlfriend belonged to a religion
that in the past, has had a somewhat troubled relationship with
the Groom's religion. A few posters said that there was a very
real chance that (if the other guests discovered the
girlfriend's religion) she could be made to feel unwelcome. So
both these factors were also swaying the OP in favour of not
attending his sister's wedding, but instead, attending the
friend's wedding with his girlfriend.
[quote author=Wanaca link=topic=2162.msg70173#msg70173
date=1631964552]
I don't think this would bother me at all. I've been to
countless events and family gathering where this naturally
happens. The females tend to gather together in the kitchen
area and the menfolk are somewhere else. There aren't any rules
about it, but it just naturally happens. This type of wedding
would be different for me, but I'd roll with it without any
negative preconceptions.
[/quote]
Interesting - I have never had this experience personally! If
anything, the family and social events tend to segregate
themselves more by generation - the older ones congregate in one
part of the room, and the younger ones in another.
[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=2162.msg70181#msg70181
date=1631977968]
I’ve attended several weddings like this and they were fine. The
food was from the same caterer - they didn’t have different
menus (at least not in the communities Ive lived in) and it
really isn’t a big deal to have separate reception halls if you
are from that type of community. It’s just how some people
choose to plan and for brides who wear hijab or have family
members that do, it can be more comfortable for them and allow
them to dance/party freely. These weddings tend to be family
parties - as in anyone who is invited comes with spouses,
parents, kids and so on. A single person would not typically be
offered a plus one as those circles often don’t recognize
relationships outside of marriage or long term relationships so
it’s not a huge number of strangers or new partners wandering
alone in their section of the wedding - they’d be people who
know the bride and groom too.
[/quote]
Glad you had a better experience than some of the posters on the
Reddit thread! Interesting about the single people not typically
being offered plus-ones. I wonder if the HC made an exception
for the OP's girlfriend because he (the OP) was a sibling?
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2162.msg70190#msg70190
date=1631986497]
But it's hard for me to understand why women have to feel so
restricted from my cultural viewpoint. I am not convinced that I
would enjoy the set-up or that I could even be trusted to not
get annoyed by it. I could easily see myself declining.
[/quote]
This is kind of where I fall too. I definitely wouldn't get
visibly upset with the set-up (that would be impolite!) but I
know from my Anglo / Western perspective I would definitely feel
uncomfortable with it.
#Post#: 70209--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: Gellchom Date: September 19, 2021, 9:09 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=2162.msg70207#msg70207
date=1632034020]
I recall there were a couple of additional complications, in
that (1) a close friend of the OP and his girlfriend were
getting married on the same day as the OP's sister (a local
wedding); and (2) the OP's girlfriend belonged to a religion
that in the past, has had a somewhat troubled relationship with
the Groom's religion. A few posters said that there was a very
real chance that (if the other guests discovered the
girlfriend's religion) she could be made to feel unwelcome. So
both these factors were also swaying the OP in favour of not
attending his sister's wedding, but instead, attending the
friend's wedding with his girlfriend.
[/quote]
This new information speaks volumes to me! I think this guy just
wants to go to his buddy’s wedding rather than his own sister’s,
and he’s looking for excuses to avoid owning that.
And given that the friend is also a close friend of the
girlfriend, the solution seems pretty obvious to me: he goes to
his sister’s wedding, she goes to their friend’s wedding.
Unless, of course, she really cannot enjoy herself unless she is
by his side. :)
(She wouldn’t be without anyone to talk to, anyway. In fact, she
will be in pretty much the same position as the other women
there. Presumably the OP has some female relatives and perhaps
family friends that she has met. And if she hasn’t, then it’s
either a great opportunity to do so, or their relationship is
not serious enough that her absence will matter to anyone.)
#Post#: 70214--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 20, 2021, 8:16 am
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I've never attended a wedding like this, but I agree with
previous posters who say you don't go to the wedding of a loved
one to party. You go to support their marriage. The LW doesn't
have to agree with his future BIL's religious beliefs, but he
should be there to support his sister. As far as his
girlfriend, if she fears it will be revealed that she practices
a faith that had conflict with the groom's family's faith (not
sure how that would be revealed) then she should not attend.
#Post#: 70217--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: Jem Date: September 20, 2021, 9:53 am
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2162.msg70214#msg70214
date=1632143808]
As far as his girlfriend, if she fears it will be revealed that
she practices a faith that had conflict with the groom's
family's faith (not sure how that would be revealed) then she
should not attend.
[/quote]
I don't necessarily disagree with this advice but if the groom's
family would be rude to a person simply because that person is
of another faith that does not speak well of the groom's family.
#Post#: 70218--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: Hmmm Date: September 20, 2021, 10:34 am
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=2162.msg70209#msg70209
date=1632060546]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=2162.msg70207#msg70207
date=1632034020]
I recall there were a couple of additional complications, in
that (1) a close friend of the OP and his girlfriend were
getting married on the same day as the OP's sister (a local
wedding); and (2) the OP's girlfriend belonged to a religion
that in the past, has had a somewhat troubled relationship with
the Groom's religion. A few posters said that there was a very
real chance that (if the other guests discovered the
girlfriend's religion) she could be made to feel unwelcome. So
both these factors were also swaying the OP in favour of not
attending his sister's wedding, but instead, attending the
friend's wedding with his girlfriend.
[/quote]
This new information speaks volumes to me! I think this guy just
wants to go to his buddy’s wedding rather than his own sister’s,
and he’s looking for excuses to avoid owning that.
And given that the friend is also a close friend of the
girlfriend, the solution seems pretty obvious to me: he goes to
his sister’s wedding, she goes to their friend’s wedding.
Unless, of course, she really cannot enjoy herself unless she is
by his side. :)
(She wouldn’t be without anyone to talk to, anyway. In fact, she
will be in pretty much the same position as the other women
there. Presumably the OP has some female relatives and perhaps
family friends that she has met. And if she hasn’t, then it’s
either a great opportunity to do so, or their relationship is
not serious enough that her absence will matter to anyone.)
[/quote]
I had the same feeling reading the update. For me, a sibling who
is capable of attending the wedding but chooses not too is a
pretty big slight. Choosing to not go because it doesn't sound
fun sounds extremely immature. A 7 hour drive is a long drive,
especially if doing it alone but it's not impossible. The
reception is just one part of the wedding festivities.
The girlfriend should remain home or he can raise his concern
about her being shunned to his future BIL to get his take.
I sometimes dread the typical western style wedding. The
standard social hour with so-so apps and drinks, boring
offerings of a reception dinner, DJ's playing music I don't
really care to listen or dance to, and being assigned to a table
with our family members that we visit with all the time anyway
has me watching the clock to see how fast we can get out of
there. I'd love to experience a culturally diverse wedding even
if it did mean that I was separated from my spouse during the
event.
#Post#: 70229--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: VorFemme Date: September 20, 2021, 12:07 pm
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I wonder which one he was invited to and possibly accepted the
invitation to *first*? Is he a member of the wedding party for
the friend? If he accepted the invitation to his sister's
wedding first - he should go, without his GF, if she might not
feel welcomed... But if it was the friend? It might have to be
thought about first - how close a friend, how long a friendship?
#Post#: 70235--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: holly firestorm Date: September 20, 2021, 3:02 pm
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[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=2162.msg70198#msg70198
date=1632005734]
If I was invited to a wedding such as described I'd go just for
the experience. I don't agree with the idea that the sexes must
be separated, for almost any reason, and I don't agree at all
that women can be disrespected by being treated as inferior to
men, but I do respect other cultures and their right to think
and act according to their beliefs. I agree with others who say
that family members ought to attend this kind of wedding,
because they are, well, a member of the family.
[/quote]
I'm not a radical feminist, but, I am a bit of a militant one.
To explain: I don't think everyone needs to have the same
culture as me, but when it comes to disrespecting and treating
women as inferior, that's where I draw the line. (I am too
conscious of how badly women have been treated throughout
history and in many ways and many places still are.) So, it
would really depend on that. What's the groom like? Is he just
going along with this because his family insisted or is he going
to expect his new wife to live as an inferior for the rest of
her marriage? What are the in-laws really like the rest of the
time? How are the women treated, specifically? Some families
just like to uphold traditions for special occasions.
#Post#: 70242--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Segregated Wedding?
By: mime Date: September 20, 2021, 6:26 pm
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I'd also go, and would probably enjoy it as a different
experience from my norm, and a chance to participate in a
culture that is different from mine.
I honestly don't feel insulted by the separate reception concept
(assuming the venues, food, etc are equal), just different. That
may be the driving factor. If I personally found the concept
offensive then I might decline... but I'm just not in that
headspace with this tradition.
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