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#Post#: 72072--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: VorFemme Date: November 29, 2021, 10:43 am
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I might have "cleaned up the cake plate" where there was
frosting on the cake plate - but I'd have used a FORK, for
Pete's sake! I have a sweet tooth, I don't want to be Typhoid
Mary (or the modern equivalent).
But - that kind of behavior is only indulged in by people who
know that they're going to get away with it - and possibly walk
out with the leftover cake, at no expense to themselves...other
than a few strangers who are never, ever going to add them to
THEIR dinner party guest list.
#Post#: 72073--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: Aleko Date: November 29, 2021, 11:02 am
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[quote]Another ??? moment -
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/11/29
Stepdaughter loads up all the leftovers after a dinner to take
home, while LW sits there and doesn't say a thing. Then
complains to MM after.[/quote]
But LW said her husband, SD's own father, was sitting watching
this performance without saying anything, and LW says "I know
better than to broach the subject with him. Not wise." I don't
blame her for not speaking up, if she expected her own husband
to give her grief for so doing.
#Post#: 72074--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: lakey Date: November 29, 2021, 11:19 am
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Not only is the frosting behavior gross and unhygienic, it is
greedy and selfish. Other people like frosting also. By eating
the frosting off cake others would presumably eat, she's
basically saying that other people don't matter. Most of us were
raised to limit what we took of treats and dessert, because
taking more than your share is greedy. I'm shocked at the
uncouth behavior of someone who would do this to food that
others might be eating, but also shocked that the hostess and
others didn't say anything. The easiest thing would have been
for the hostess to pick up the cake and remove it as soon as the
person touched it with her fingers. Also, I would make a note to
not eat at this frosting person's home. If this is how she
handles food in front of people, I don't even want to know what
she's doing in her own kitchen.
#Post#: 72081--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: Amara Date: November 29, 2021, 1:24 pm
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Miss Manners is wrong about what to do for Christmas. What the
letter writer should do is let her husband either know they'd be
happy to accept a Christmas dinner invitation and the daughter
can do all the cooking or he can do all the shopping,
preparation and cooking at their home and invite. her daughter
again.
Of course it's rude. I am not confrontational but I'd have no
problem stopping her immediately and telling her we are keeping
ALL the. leftovers. No sense rewarding rudeness even with a
small to-go plate. And if her partner objects to her spine maybe
she needs to evaluate her own relationship.
I don't care if doggy bags are acceptable as restaurants. They
should be. You paid for the food and the experience; you are not
an invited guest. When you are an invited guest, you act with
impeccable courtesy and no assumptions about leftovers.
#Post#: 72085--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: sandisadie Date: November 29, 2021, 2:10 pm
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I've been invited to a meal at someone's house and they implored
us to take some leftovers. We always agreed and accepted what
was offered whether we wanted it or not. I think that is the
polite thing to do. I would have never thought to assume that I
could take some food home if it wasn't offered first. Even at a
relative's house.
#Post#: 72090--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: holly firestorm Date: November 29, 2021, 4:24 pm
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Most of the time I've hosted or been a guest at a Holiday dinner
I've been offered leftovers. The way it was always handled is
that the host or hostess asked what the guest would like and put
together a container with those things in it. This way the
host/hostess could give away as much as they felt comfortable
giving away. Most of the time they'd deliberately made more than
they knew would be eaten just to be able to offer them to the
guests.
One Thanksgiving a friend and I cooperatively hosted an
"orphans' holiday" because we knew several younger people who
had no place to go for Thanksgiving (two in fact were homeless).
We sent everyone home with a leftover meal. The boys especially
were thrilled since for some of them it was the first home
cooked meal they'd had in quite a while. So, being able to do
that was part of the pleasure of hosting the meal.
I sometimes have NOT been asked if I wanted leftovers when the
host/hostess were kind of economizing themselves, especially if
they had kids and those leftovers were counted on to feed the
family at least one more meal.
Taking home leftovers is not something you're entitled to...it's
a gift you're being given, like being invited in the first
place.
#Post#: 72097--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: mime Date: November 29, 2021, 11:13 pm
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When I host a large family gathering, I consider the leftovers
to be my reward for hosting, tbh. I appreciate a day or two of
no cooking to make up for all of the work and cleanup of
hosting.
I do send some food home with a few older relatives, knowing
that they don't really cook much for themselves. If I were to
send food home with everyone, that would mean preparing 15-ish
more meals in anticipation of that, and some of those families
eat a LOT!
Nobody has asked me for leftovers so far. If someone did, I
think I'd just say something like "I don't have enough for
everyone and I want to send some home with grandpop and Uncle,"
to show that I already have plans for the food.
Full disclosure: I have a lot of family that thinks we owe them
handouts because DH and I make more than they do. Not like "loan
me $10k", but just little things, like splitting the bill in
weird ways, but it's all. the. time. It makes me feel less
generous.
#Post#: 72102--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: Aleko Date: November 30, 2021, 3:06 am
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It has been a revelation to me, from this side of the Pond, that
in the USA it appears to be the rule at a major family gathering
to provide so much too much food that there are expectedto be
large quantities of useable leftovers, so much that guests can
expect or at least hope to be sent home with enough food to
provide them with whole meals, and that ‘who gets the
leftovers?’ is consequently an issue. I don’t know any British
family where this kind of over-catering* is normal. Personally,
I aim to serve enough that everyone gets to eat as much at
dinner as they could possibly want, and any leftovers go toward
my Boxing Day and subsequent menus. Can other Rightpondians here
say whether their experience is the same or different? How about
you Australians?
*I wonder if this is linked to the portion sizes at American
restaurants? In Europe restaurants don’t serve, and aren’t
expected to serve, more food than an average diner is likely to
want to eat at a sitting; as a result, asking for leftovers to
take home is quite unusual. Restaurants will do it, but
generally people ask only if they’re in a hurry and don’t have
the time to sit and eat the dessert they ordered, or find their
appetite less than they expected. I only know one place in my
locality that serves a 16 oz steak - which is a monster size to
us - and I’ve only known people order it when they really mean
to eat it all at a sitting. They don’t always succeed, but
that’s their intent. I don’t know anyone who would order a steak
that size meaning to have half of it to take home.
#Post#: 72105--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: lowspark Date: November 30, 2021, 7:47 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2160.msg72102#msg72102
date=1638263195]
It has been a revelation to me, from this side of the Pond, that
in the USA it appears to be the rule at a major family gathering
to provide so much too much food that there are expectedto be
large quantities of useable leftovers, so much that guests can
expect or at least hope to be sent home with enough food to
provide them with whole meals, and that ‘who gets the
leftovers?’ is consequently an issue. I don’t know any British
family where this kind of over-catering* is normal. Personally,
I aim to serve enough that everyone gets to eat as much at
dinner as they could possibly want, and any leftovers go toward
my Boxing Day and subsequent menus. Can other Rightpondians here
say whether their experience is the same or different? How about
you Australians?
*I wonder if this is linked to the portion sizes at American
restaurants? In Europe restaurants don’t serve, and aren’t
expected to serve, more food than an average diner is likely to
want to eat at a sitting; as a result, asking for leftovers to
take home is quite unusual. Restaurants will do it, but
generally people ask only if they’re in a hurry and don’t have
the time to sit and eat the dessert they ordered, or find their
appetite less than they expected. I only know one place in my
locality that serves a 16 oz steak - which is a monster size to
us - and I’ve only known people order it when they really mean
to eat it all at a sitting. They don’t always succeed, but
that’s their intent. I don’t know anyone who would order a steak
that size meaning to have half of it to take home.
[/quote]
When I have guests at my house for a meal, one of my concerns is
that I have enough for everyone to be satiated. So I don't want
to run out of anything. The only way I can really guarantee that
is to have too much. Or at least, that's how I see it.
I seldom have a meal where I serve an exact portion, rather it's
"serve yourself" so people take as much as they want. People's
appetites and capacity can be hard to predict. So if I just
served what I consider to be one serving per person, it's almost
guaranteed that something will run out. Some people want less of
one thing and more of another. If I only made the exact amount
per person, there won't be enough of some things. It's nothing
to do with portion sizes at restaurants.
Regarding who gets those leftovers, well, that varies among
different groups of people. In my family of origin, the
leftovers stay at the hosting home. No one "takes" them. In some
groups of friends, we have potlucks and we all split up
leftovers, taking a bit of everything. In some potluck
situations, everyone takes home their own. One friend of mine
always leaves her leftovers with me when I host. So it's very
much an individual preference thing rather than a norm across
the board.
As for ordering a 16 oz steak - which is a monster size to me as
well - with no intention of eating all of it, well, that's just
the way it is here. If the menu consists of large portions, I'm
not going to eat the whole thing just to justify my ordering it.
So yeah, many times I'll order from the appetizer menu, or split
with a dining companion, but sometimes, you just have to order
from your choices and you either take home the rest or it goes
in the trash. And some restaurant servings end up making three
or four meals for me! I love leftovers!
#Post#: 72108--------------------------------------------------
Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
By: oogyda Date: November 30, 2021, 9:35 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2160.msg72102#msg72102
date=1638263195]
It has been a revelation to me, from this side of the Pond, that
in the USA it appears to be the rule at a major family gathering
to provide so much too much food that there are expectedto be
large quantities of useable leftovers, so much that guests can
expect or at least hope to be sent home with enough food to
provide them with whole meals, and that ‘who gets the
leftovers?’ is consequently an issue. I don’t know any British
family where this kind of over-catering* is normal. Personally,
I aim to serve enough that everyone gets to eat as much at
dinner as they could possibly want, and any leftovers go toward
my Boxing Day and subsequent menus. Can other Rightpondians here
say whether their experience is the same or different? How about
you Australians?
*I wonder if this is linked to the portion sizes at American
restaurants? In Europe restaurants don’t serve, and aren’t
expected to serve, more food than an average diner is likely to
want to eat at a sitting; as a result, asking for leftovers to
take home is quite unusual. Restaurants will do it, but
generally people ask only if they’re in a hurry and don’t have
the time to sit and eat the dessert they ordered, or find their
appetite less than they expected. I only know one place in my
locality that serves a 16 oz steak - which is a monster size to
us - and I’ve only known people order it when they really mean
to eat it all at a sitting. They don’t always succeed, but
that’s their intent. I don’t know anyone who would order a steak
that size meaning to have half of it to take home.
[/quote]
Most people I know don't cook with the intention of having a lot
of leftovers. Like lowspark I strive to provide enough for
everyone to have their fill and that often results in having
some leftovers, but more along the lines of another meal or some
part of future meals. I do sometimes send leftovers with ODD
and her family, but that's because it's a dish they don't make
and the kids love it. In other words, I do it to spoil the
grandkids.
Oh, and.....no matter where you are, 16 oz. is a huge steak.
That's not a normal portion in the US. Most steaks are 6-8 oz.
with larger being available.
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