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#Post#: 70695--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guest list debacle
By: jpcher Date: October 7, 2021, 12:05 pm
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As a hostess I would never mention the cost of a meal/event.
Doing so is boastful and rude.
Mentioning the cost gives a connotation of "Thank you all for
coming, by the way this evening cost me over $1,000 so the next
party you invite me to better be worth it!" That's an
exaggeration and I know you suggested mentioning it to the
non-invitees, but word travels.
Using the cost as a reason to decline non-invitees would, I
think, make the uninvited guest feel even worse (I'm not worth
an invitation to your soiree?) and could possibly cause hardship
in their future friendship.
The cost really wasn't the issue here.
Sorry, Toots -- you're usually on track with good advice. This
time I think you missed the boat, which surprised me.
#Post#: 70697--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guest list debacle
By: oogyda Date: October 7, 2021, 12:22 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2143.msg70692#msg70692
date=1633619248]
I might call these people and say, "I'm sorry, I think it wasn't
clear about this event. We were a little dismayed to hear you
want to bring someone. That actually creates a problem--we
didn't intend to make it a party for everyone; it was supposed
to be a small dinner for people who actually know DH from his
martial art. it's $200 a plate." And wait to see what they say.
They might back down. If they don't, then you can say, "Given
how expensive it is, you can understand why we're going to ask
you to come alone."
Or maybe ask them? "I don't know if you realize, this is a
$200-a-plate dinner, and I had wanted it to be for people my
husband worked closely with. Do you think we could get together
with your daughter another time?"
All these people are rude.
There are tactics one could discuss to try to head this off.
It's frustrating that anyone would need to.
For a meal this expensive/formal, it would be better perhaps to
use the "formal wedding reception" format. But we all know what
a perfect track record that has.
[/quote]
I think it is "bad form" to say anything about the cost of any
part of an event you are hosting.
#Post#: 70708--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guest list debacle
By: NyaChan Date: October 7, 2021, 9:08 pm
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I would not mention the cost per plate. I think that’s tacky and
pointless because OP has no obligation to convince this person
that the uninvited guest shouldn’t come. It’s as simple as, I’m
sorry, we won’t be able to host your daughter this time. We have
a limited guest list for the dinner party. Should we still
expect you for dinner or would you prefer to get together some
other time?
#Post#: 70712--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guest list debacle
By: Rho Date: October 7, 2021, 10:34 pm
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The idea of this dinner is to discuss Martial Arts. I'm sure
your guests who were not invited would be bored silly!
we won’t be able to host your daughter this time. We have a
limited guest list for the dinner party. Should we still expect
you for dinner or would you prefer to get together another time?
Rinse and repeat until no matter how thick skinned, the person
understands that HIS add-on guests are NOT welcome.
#Post#: 70781--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guest list debacle
By: lowspark Date: October 12, 2021, 8:33 am
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=2143.msg70708#msg70708
date=1633658898]
I would not mention the cost per plate. I think that’s tacky and
pointless because OP has no obligation to convince this person
that the uninvited guest shouldn’t come. It’s as simple as, I’m
sorry, we won’t be able to host your daughter this time. We have
a limited guest list for the dinner party. Should we still
expect you for dinner or would you prefer to get together some
other time?
[/quote]
I really like this!
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