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#Post#: 68444--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Isisnin Date: July 20, 2021, 5:41 pm
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It seems odd that he referred to you as guests during lunch, but
later treated you as customers by sending you a request for
payment. Don't most cultures expect guests not to pay? I've
lived in and visited other countries and it is common for guests
to present the hosts with a gift. But I've never heard about
hosts essentially saying "please take some home with you, we
have too much." and then asking for payment.
Not only did the coworker ask for payment afterwards, he asked
for "generous" payment. Like more than normal? Maybe something
happened after you left?
Like Jayhawk said, maybe the husband and wife had a
miscommunication. Maybe he had committed to customers who were
coming a day or two after you left and didn't tell the wife so
she said "take all you want."
I'd word my apology something like "It didn't occur to me when
you invited us and referred to us as guests that you meant for
us to pay you. I apologize for the confusion."
#Post#: 68479--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Aleko Date: July 21, 2021, 12:04 pm
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On reflection, I can see how this thing might have been a quite
simple misunderstanding from the beginning, with no cultural
mixups necessary.
Let's remember that this all came about because Co-worker had
mentioned on the workplace that he had a tree that was groaning
with fruit; another person asked if he shipped it to customers;
and frog24 "asked if he let people come and pick it themselves."
That is, everyone has been talking about his produce in terms
of buying and selling it.
So, Co-worker may very well have understood Frog24 to have asked
to come and pick fruit on his farm with the intention of paying
for it, like any other pick-your-own customer. (After all, while
one might say as a joke 'Can I come and get a load of fruit from
you for nothing?', it would be really overstepping to ask that
seriously.)
He said yes, and because he's a hospitable type suggested the
family make a visit of it - see his animals, meet his family,
etc. It does not occur to him that this offer of hospitality in
any way conflicts with or overrides the original purpose, or
that Frog24 will take this as an offer of free fruit as well as
hospitality.
So Frog24 & family turn up and pick. They pick a whole lot.
Frog24 says they picked more that they would have if they hadn't
thought it was all free, which to be honest does suggest to me
that it was rather more than was really decent for a guest to
take. They also move on to picking another kind of fruit which
was never offered to them for picking in the first place,
apparently without checking first - and whether in a friend's
garden or a commercial farm that's always very wrong thing. (My
mother would have gone spare if any of the people she asked to
pick themselves some gooseberries had blithely gone on to strip
her raspberry canes.) Clearly Co-worker and Mrs are pretty taken
aback by this, but, well, it’s all going to be paid for and it
doesn’t do to make a scene with a
customer-who-is-also-a-guest-and-a-coworker-too. So they let it
go, and give the family lunch. And the family then say 'Thank
you, it's been lovely, goodbye', and just get up and leave with
their haul, without offering to pay, leaving Co-worker and Mrs
staring blankly and going 'Eh? What? But, but, but . . .' to the
rear end of their departing car. From where they're standing,
they've been subjected to a straight pick-and-dash.
So Coworker takes a deep breath and messages Frog24 to say that
he had no chance to weigh the fruit (so he isn't in a position
to compute an accurate price) and could Frog24 mail appropriate
payment, on the generous side please as they did take some fruit
they weren't even told they could pick? This seems an entirely
reasonable way of putting it - he has politely avoided any
suggestion that the family had deliberately tried to bilk him,
and the 'generous' bit my be perfectly justified if the 'y'
fruit was more valuable than the 'x' fruit, or had been, say,
promised to some other customer who now will need to be
placated.
Please note I'm not saying this is haw it was, just how it might
have been.
#Post#: 68482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: gramma dishes Date: July 21, 2021, 12:53 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=2116.msg68376#msg68376
date=1626716181]
I don't think you OWE any money, but under the circumstances I
might respond with something like this:
Dear Co-Worker:
I apologize if I misunderstood the terms of picking fruit at
your hobby farm! We had no idea we were picking more than you
intended. What would you consider fair payment?
Sincerely,
OP
[/quote]
I think Jem's suggested response nicely and politely covers the
situation either way. It puts no 'blame' on anyone and offers a
solution. Next time she will know. Maybe he will too.
#Post#: 68513--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: NewHomeowner Date: July 22, 2021, 5:08 am
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I know I haven't traveled much, but I do read a lot, and I can't
understand what culture makes it a rule that you *watch* your
guests eat before you do? Personally, I'd be very
uncomfortable eating while my hosts were not. That little bit
makes me wonder if they weren't 'customers' rather than
'guests'.
Someone please enlighten me?
And yeah, the fruit thing is weird, too. I'd return as much of
it as I had left, and never accept another invitation from that
co-worker.
#Post#: 68514--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Aleko Date: July 22, 2021, 5:34 am
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[quote]I know I haven't traveled much, but I do read a lot, and
I can't understand what culture makes it a rule that you *watch*
your guests eat before you do? [/quote]
Me neither. I've heard of plenty where the women of the house
serve the meal but don't sit down and eat till everyone else is
finished, which would be quite embarrassing enough if you're not
used to it! But not one where the guests eat alone, no.
[quote]Personally, I'd be very uncomfortable eating while my
hosts were not. That little bit makes me wonder if they weren't
'customers' rather than 'guests'.[/quote]
Yes, that did make me think that possibly Co-worker and Mrs felt
that the family were were behaving as customers rather than
guests, so they had better fall into the role of innkeepers.
[quote]And yeah, the fruit thing is weird, too. I'd return as
much of it as I had left, and never accept another invitation
from that co-worker. [/quote]
Personally, I'd pay up, and generously. Whether Co-worker had
understood me to be asking to come to pick and pay, or only
decided to charge when I picked way over what he expected a
guest to take and of kinds he hadn't offered, it would be clear
that I had, however unintentionally, given offence. Returning
the remains of the now-several-days-old fruit would just be
adding insult to injury.
And I don't think that the question of whether to accept another
invitation from him would be likely to arise!
#Post#: 68542--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: frog24 Date: July 22, 2021, 4:45 pm
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Hi All,
I cleared things up with co-worker by using some of the wording
provided here and apologizing profusely for taking the fruit we
weren't meant to pick. I paid him the rate per pound that I
found on his ad online (for the fruit we were meant to pick),
plus the local going rate for the forbidden fruit. I explained
my logic and thanked him again for the visit. He thanked me for
the generous amount, and said they would've charged me less
because they didn't have to do the work of picking. ::)
So, as it often is in scenarios brought up here, it was a
misunderstanding on both our parts. If he had shown us the tree
and said "we usually charge $x/lb, but because you're picking
yourselves, does $y sound reasonable?" I would've completely
understood this was a business transaction. But all the "You're
our guests! We're so glad you could visit us! Let us show you
around! You should try these other fruit! Please have some more
of them! And we'll have lunch together. No no, please take
more!" that completely confused me. So I completely acknowledge
my part in this.
As a previous poster pointed out... they probably wondered why
the heck we left without weighing and paying! (They were
leaving the house too to do the shopping run, so everyone was
getting into cars).
Also for those who were wondering, we picked 6 lbs of the fruit
we were invited to pick, and 1 lb of the not-supposed to pick.
But as always with kids helping, the fruit was not the most
carefully picked.
Thanks again for your help and advice.
#Post#: 68549--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: gramma dishes Date: July 22, 2021, 7:53 pm
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I'm glad it worked out to everyone's satisfaction. Next time
you'll know and maybe he will too. It was a learning
experience . All's well that ends well! :)
#Post#: 68550--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Rose Red Date: July 22, 2021, 7:59 pm
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That's probably the best thing to do. The miscommunication is
annoying, but you have to work with him and need to get along on
a daily basis.
#Post#: 68583--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: sms Date: July 23, 2021, 5:24 pm
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Glad you managed to clear the air as you are coworkers and need
to work together. It's important when you spend a lot of time
together in a professional environment.
Personally I still feel you were not in the wrong but you are
being the bigger person. I still think I would approach this
person as though everything that could possibly be a business
transaction is, in fact, a business transaction.
In other words I wouldn't be inclined to accept invitations that
have that misunderstanding potential. If you ever get more of
you must come visit, we have too much, no, take more!! I would
be nope I'm good! Can't afford to fall for that bamboozle
again!
Hopefully I wouldn't say the last part out loud.
#Post#: 68591--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 23, 2021, 8:31 pm
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I might find a discreet way to "warn" any other coworkers, too.
I would not want it to come across like, "Coworker is a scam
artist!!!" But I might try to warn them of the potential
misunderstanding.
And I agree, I don't see where you were at fault here. It
doesn't sound like he was trying to be a jerk (and even if he
was, putting in that light for you does not help your coworker
relationship), but I probably would have acted the same way as
you did.
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