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#Post#: 68418--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Lkdrymom Date: July 20, 2021, 5:51 am
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[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=2116.msg68406#msg68406
date=1626735587]
I'd reply "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you expected us to pay
for the fruit. I took your statements to take as much as we
wanted and your wife's encouragement to pick more at face value.
I'm enclosing $X for the fruit."
[/quote]
I would use this line and RETURN the forbidden fruit to
co-worker. Maybe apologize for the misunderstanding pointing
out that you TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD and now know not to do this in
the future. What he expected may have been accepted in the
culture he is from but here he will need to learn the culture
here. I think he needs to be told that he was the rude one for
telling you one thing and expecting something else.
#Post#: 68419--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: lowspark Date: July 20, 2021, 7:35 am
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Wow. That lunch arrangement would have made me EXTREMELY
uncomfortable.
But here's what I can't reconcile. It's apparently the norm in
their culture to go through this volley of manufactured
politeness, but if you don't participate in that, then it's ok
to then rudely and abruptly demand payment?
Look, if I'm in another country then yes, I really need to do my
best to understand, respect, and to the best of my abilities,
follow the local customs. But now, these people are here in the
US (actually, I'm assuming US, as your profile doesn't say), so
they either need to adapt to local custom, or at the very least,
understand that people here don't do that dance.
Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm wondering how long
they've actually lived here. Long enough to have purchased a
hobby farm at least, so it's not like they arrived a month ago.
Regardless of their cultural norm, surely they understand that's
not the cultural norm here. So the fact that you didn't banter
back and forth really shouldn't come as a complete surprise to
them.
I am probably being too harsh, except that the way they demanded
payment really rubs me the wrong way.
Maybe if they'd said it in a softer, more polite way, it would
not be making you so upset and angry.
#Post#: 68423--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: gramma dishes Date: July 20, 2021, 8:07 am
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[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=2116.msg68406#msg68406
date=1626735587]
Personally, I'd figure out what was fair for the fruit using
some of the guesstimates above and then go a little lower.
Because I'm petty like that. (No, because I think there's a bit
of a lesson for them to learn around direct communication in
their new homeland and I wouldn't be making them whole.
Especially when they encouraged you to pick above and beyond
your first stopped point.)
[/quote]
There's another reason I'd go a little lower. When we buy fruit
at the supermarket, we don't spend a lot of time and gas money
driving a long distance to get it and we don't have to pick it
ourselves!
#Post#: 68425--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: BeagleMommy Date: July 20, 2021, 8:47 am
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I think I would tell the coworker (politely, of course) that you
didn't understand that he wanted payment for the fruit
especially since his wife instructed you to take as much as you
wanted. Then I would return the extra fruit.
#Post#: 68426--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: sms Date: July 20, 2021, 8:51 am
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[quote author=Lkdrymom link=topic=2116.msg68418#msg68418
date=1626778292]
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=2116.msg68406#msg68406
date=1626735587]
I'd reply "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you expected us to pay
for the fruit. I took your statements to take as much as we
wanted and your wife's encouragement to pick more at face value.
I'm enclosing $X for the fruit."
[/quote]
I would use this line and RETURN the forbidden fruit to
co-worker. Maybe apologize for the misunderstanding pointing
out that you TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD and now know not to do this in
the future. What he expected may have been accepted in the
culture he is from but here he will need to learn the culture
here. I think he needs to be told that he was the rude one for
telling you one thing and expecting something else.
[/quote]
I agree - it might be a cultural difference but I would be
pretty nonplussed if that happened to me and I think I would
show it a bit. I would say it seems like we misunderstood each
other's intent and if I'd known you weren't actually giving it
away I wouldn't have taken any.
If returning the fruit isn't an option anymore I would give him
some money but that would be the last time I accepted any
invitations / offers from him.
That's not hospitality - it's a bait and switch.
#Post#: 68433--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Jem Date: July 20, 2021, 9:38 am
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I'm wondering how much money the coworker is looking to get
here. It seems so petty to create so much drama over what I can
only imagine is a very small amount of money that is not even
his livelihood. Also, if the the OP had not picked the fruit
would someone else have picked it and paid for it? Based on what
the wife said that seems unlikely.
I am a "say what you mean, mean what you say" person and the
passive aggressive faux politeness really grates!
#Post#: 68434--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Rose Red Date: July 20, 2021, 9:49 am
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I agree with those who said to give back the extra fruit and
tell him if he wants to be paid, he needs to say the terms in
the beginning.
I am not American born so I understand hinting culture but even
the older members of the family* give strong and clear signals
right from the start. If the other person didn't understand, we
don't ask for payment after the fact and learn that person need
straight forward words next time.
That said, does the farm usually charge a fee for customers to
pick fruit? Some farms charge a flat fee and others have a
"donation" box at the entrance.
*I don't hint. I hate that aspect of my culture.
#Post#: 68437--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: frog24 Date: July 20, 2021, 11:05 am
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Thanks for all the help, everyone.
I will sincerely apologize for taking the things we shouldn't've
taken, and use some of the suggestions given when writing my
coworker.
#Post#: 68439--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: oogyda Date: July 20, 2021, 12:42 pm
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I think you should deliberately and vocally deduct the
cost/value of the "thank you" gift you gave them.
#Post#: 68440--------------------------------------------------
Re: Farm visit help
By: Jayhawk Date: July 20, 2021, 1:04 pm
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I wonder, if in addition to the cultural differences, there's an
element of what the co-worker expected and what the wife
communicated. He had one idea; she another. Just spitballin'.
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