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#Post#: 68259--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Dazi Date: July 15, 2021, 5:02 pm
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I don't do people dictating to me and I'd be actively contrary.
I'm serious, I'd totally go buy a new wardrobe and make sure I
bought the most skimpy things I could find.
#Post#: 68265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: EtiquetteE Date: July 15, 2021, 6:11 pm
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Yeah - this is a hard NO. I'd just tell my DH, in-laws and SIL
that I am going to dress to my preferences, not theirs. If they
are uncomfortable with that, they shouldn't participate in our
joint family vacations.
#Post#: 68267--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: kckgirl Date: July 15, 2021, 7:41 pm
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Since several people have brought it up, I too wonder if the
SIL's in-laws have ever even asked that the other members of the
party dress in a certain way, or if the SIL just thinks that's
what they want.
#Post#: 68268--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Wanaca Date: July 15, 2021, 7:42 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2107.msg68232#msg68232
date=1626332192]
[quote]generally dress modestly out of personal preference, but
being dictated to on my own vacation would make me want to go
shopping for clothing that is much less modest than what I have
in my everyday wardrobe, lol.[/quote]
Yes, and not only that: if I were in LW’s place, it would make
me feel a great deal less willing to put on special coverall
clothing to visit these people ever. I’d seriously consider
telling DH he could just visit them without me.
That said, we don’t know from the letter - and LW may not
actually know either - whether SIL’s ultra-religious in-laws are
actually dictating what everyone who comes into their presence
may wear, or if SIL and her mother are just walking on eggshells
around them and issuing these diktats in case they might be
offended. (I imagine we’ve all experienced this syndrome in our
own lives where people have been running round saying, for
example, ‘Shhh, please don’t mention [such-and-such] to Gran,
you’ll shock her’ when in fact Gran doesn’t give a hoot.) It
could even be that in fact the in-laws’ in-laws have never
expected LW to dress specially for them, and always having seen
her in ‘modest’ clothing, have no idea that this isn’t what she
would normally wear.
[/quote]
I agree with this. The conservative in laws may not care at all
what others wear. Perhaps they would be upset if they knew that
such a request was made on their behalf. Some of my in laws
belong to a very conservative dressing religion, and they really
don't concern themselves with what other people wear. They
would be very upset if a request like this were made on their
behalf.
Because of this, I wouldn't go out of my way to dress more
skimpy than normal (even though I can be a bit rebellious at
times). I would simply reply that of course I will be dressing
as I normally do. If someone has an issue with that, they can
deal with their own problem.
#Post#: 68593--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: LifeOnPluto Date: July 24, 2021, 1:38 am
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Just piling on to say that I would certainly not be complying
with this 'modesty dress code'. If the sister's in-laws were
hosting me / paying for my holiday, then I'd certainly be
inclined to go along with their preferences. But if the sister's
in-laws are essentially gate-crashing a vacation where I'm
paying my own way? No thanks - I wear what I want.
#Post#: 68598--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: vintagegal Date: July 24, 2021, 9:33 am
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I'm wondering why they chose to go to a "lake resort" for
vacation, when they know there will be people in swimsuits? For
a few years I rented an off-season ski condo in the summer.
There were often families from a certain conservative religion
there, I was told they went there because they would not be
likely to see immodestly dressed people of the female
persuasion. (I once cleared out an indoor pool by showing up in
my swimsuit, and the teenage boys immediately got out under the
direction of the fully dressed adult man who was with them).
They could play tennis, do biking, hiking, etc. Their religion
forbade mixed-gender swimming.
#Post#: 68624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Rho Date: July 24, 2021, 9:37 pm
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(I once cleared out an indoor pool by showing up in my swimsuit,
and the teenage boys immediately got out under the direction of
the fully dressed adult man who was with them). They could play
tennis, do biking, hiking, etc. Their religion forbade
mixed-gender swimming
This! the males left. They did not expect you to
go away or change your attire.
#Post#: 68816--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Gellchom Date: August 2, 2021, 2:02 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Wanaca link=topic=2107.msg68268#msg68268
date=1626396166]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2107.msg68232#msg68232
date=1626332192]
[quote]generally dress modestly out of personal preference, but
being dictated to on my own vacation would make me want to go
shopping for clothing that is much less modest than what I have
in my everyday wardrobe, lol.[/quote]
Yes, and not only that: if I were in LW’s place, it would make
me feel a great deal less willing to put on special coverall
clothing to visit these people ever. I’d seriously consider
telling DH he could just visit them without me.
That said, we don’t know from the letter - and LW may not
actually know either - whether SIL’s ultra-religious in-laws are
actually dictating what everyone who comes into their presence
may wear,or if SIL and her mother are just walking on eggshells
around them and issuing these diktats in case they might be
offended. (I imagine we’ve all experienced this syndrome in our
own lives where people have been running round saying, for
example, ‘Shhh, please don’t mention [such-and-such] to Gran,
you’ll shock her’ when in fact Gran doesn’t give a hoot.) It
could even be that in fact the in-laws’ in-laws have never
expected LW to dress specially for them, and always having seen
her in ‘modest’ clothing, have no idea that this isn’t what she
would normally wear.
[/quote]
I agree with this. The conservative in laws may not care at all
what others wear. Perhaps they would be upset if they knew that
such a request was made on their behalf. Some of my in laws
belong to a very conservative dressing religion, and they really
don't concern themselves with what other people wear. They
would be very upset if a request like this were made on their
behalf.
Because of this, I wouldn't go out of my way to dress more
skimpy than normal (even though I can be a bit rebellious at
times). I would simply reply that of course I will be dressing
as I normally do. If someone has an issue with that, they can
deal with their own problem.
[/quote]
I'm thinking along the lines of the bolded. I don't think that
we should leap to the assumption that the in-laws have said
anything, much less demanded anything.
Sometimes other people fear that their own behavior will upset
others, when it won't at all. People often asked my husband if
it would offend him if they ordered pork or shellfish in a
restaurant, so I assume there are others who didn't say anything
but avoided it anyway because he was there -- or didn't invite
us at all because they were afraid to offend. But he couldn't
have cared less what anyone else ate! He does NOT like it if
people change their own behaviors, let alone shy away from
socializing with us, because of his own observance. And, just
as Wanaca speculates, we would be really unhappy if we learned
that others were telling people to alter their behavior for us!
That's a polite instinct, anyway. But it can go farther into a
negative; I'm thinking of people who may be feeling
self-conscious about themselves and project those feelings onto
others. I think we all have encountered, say, meat-eaters who
are resentful of vegetarians, dessert-eaters feeling annoyed at
dieters, or drinkers not wanting to include teetotalers, because
they feel judged or defensive around them, even though it's
entirely within their own heads.
So who knows what's going on in this family? Maybe the in-laws
are totally bossy, even in other people's events. Or maybe they
just do their own thing and don't care at all how others dress,
indeed don't like it at all when others change their behavior
for them, and the host family is hypervigilant about their
feelings or self-conscious or mistaken or whatever. They might
have no idea that the other in-laws are making this request
supposedly on their behalf and could be terribly upset if they
knew (I would be). I think it's unfair to jump to blaming them,
particularly as we have no evidence at all that they even know
about, let alone concur with, the request for modest clothing
for all.
#Post#: 69101--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: holly firestorm Date: August 10, 2021, 4:47 pm
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[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=2107.msg68115#msg68115
date=1626121184]
What do these "modest dress" people do when they go out in
public? I suppose they never go anywhere except to be among
people of like thinking. So why, for heaven's sake, have they
invited themselves on this vacation.? They seem to be trying
(and succeeding) in pushing their beliefs on everyone else in
this vaca group. I definitely wouldn't buy any other clothing
for the vacation. If these interlopers don't want to see you
wearing something then they can absent themselves from you.
[/quote]
I thought this meme could only be more appropriate if we changed
the word "religion" to "beliefs" (since we don't know what kind
of beliefs they are being so pushy about.
#Post#: 69108--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: NFPwife Date: August 10, 2021, 6:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=2107.msg69101#msg69101
date=1628632077]
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=2107.msg68115#msg68115
date=1626121184]
What do these "modest dress" people do when they go out in
public? I suppose they never go anywhere except to be among
people of like thinking. So why, for heaven's sake, have they
invited themselves on this vacation.? They seem to be trying
(and succeeding) in pushing their beliefs on everyone else in
this vaca group. I definitely wouldn't buy any other clothing
for the vacation. If these interlopers don't want to see you
wearing something then they can absent themselves from you.
[/quote]
I thought this meme could only be more appropriate if we changed
the word "religion" to "beliefs" (since we don't know what kind
of beliefs they are being so pushy about.
[/quote]
Agree. There are a couple things I do or don't do because of my
religious beliefs. I've never expected someone else to adhere to
them and most go unnoticed by others.
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