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#Post#: 68129--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: STiG Date: July 12, 2021, 8:46 pm
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If I'm on vacation, I'm wearing whatever the hell I feel like.
I am a menopausal woman with near constant hot flashes. There
is no way I'm wearing more clothes than I have to, to remain
'decent' in the eyes of most people. You don't like the way I
look? Don't look at me.
Now, if there is a full family dinner with everyone, I would
agree to dress modestly but not necessarily as modestly at the
in-law's in-laws want me to. I'd cover my shoulders and my
knees but not necessarily my elbows and my ankles, for example.
#Post#: 68130--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Rho Date: July 12, 2021, 9:11 pm
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Does husband need to only wear long pants to be modest also? Do
In-Laws wear special clothes to socialize with the other
in-laws?
FWIW my DIL dresses modestly unto covering her hair in public.
When on her turf or my own I wear skirts in solidarity but my
summer tops are above my elbows and my hair is uncovered. DH
wears shorts and T's. Not even the pre school grandchildren are
concerned.
#Post#: 68137--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Aleko Date: July 13, 2021, 3:34 am
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It’s one thing to dress conformably to the beliefs and wishes of
the people you (generic you) are actually holidaying with, given
that they are obliged to interact with you, and to be seen in
public with you. If that’s their bottom line, consistent and
clearly stated beforehand, you either accept it, or if you don’t
find the requirement acceptable you just don’t go on holiday
with them.
But you don’t owe a shred of compliance to people who simply
decide to turn up at the same resort at the same time and demand
you conform with their dress requirements. If they want to join
you on holiday uninvited, they must take you as they find you.
(If LW’s parents-in-law have in fact invited them, or at least
encouraged them to come, that’s their headache: LW and her DH
clearly did not.) My feeling is that LW would only be obligated
to dress according to these people’s code on any occasion when
they invite the whole party and pay for the outing, meal,
whatever it was, because in that specific situation they would
be the hosts. But if they’re all going to the beach or on a boat
trip, if they don’t like what she wears they don’t have to sit
near her and her DH.
#Post#: 68149--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: BeagleMommy Date: July 13, 2021, 9:09 am
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The people who invited themselves to this resort need to either
keep their eyes averted or stay home.
You don't get to shove your religious beliefs on a group of
people who do not practice your religion.
I would say to the MIL "sorry, I am going to dress how I
normally would".
#Post#: 68163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Jayhawk Date: July 13, 2021, 12:52 pm
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Either ignore and doe what you were planning on or answer along
the lines of "No thank you."
#Post#: 68207--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: peony Date: July 14, 2021, 2:36 pm
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=2107.msg68149#msg68149
date=1626185345]
The people who invited themselves to this resort need to either
keep their eyes averted or stay home.
You don't get to shove your religious beliefs on a group of
people who do not practice your religion.
I would say to the MIL "sorry, I am going to dress how I
normally would".
[/quote]
I generally dress modestly out of personal preference, but being
dictated to on my own vacation would make me want to go shopping
for clothing that is much less modest than what I have in my
everyday wardrobe, lol.
#Post#: 68211--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: STiG Date: July 14, 2021, 3:16 pm
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Go and purchase an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot
bikini, perhaps? ;D
Edited to add two words and to say: I'm glad some of you got the
reference! :)
#Post#: 68232--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Aleko Date: July 15, 2021, 1:56 am
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[quote]generally dress modestly out of personal preference, but
being dictated to on my own vacation would make me want to go
shopping for clothing that is much less modest than what I have
in my everyday wardrobe, lol.[/quote]
Yes, and not only that: if I were in LW’s place, it would
make me feel a great deal less willing to put on special
coverall clothing to visit these people ever. I’d
seriously consider telling DH he could just visit them without
me.
That said, we don’t know from the letter - and LW may not
actually know either - whether SIL’s ultra-religious
in-laws are actually dictating what everyone who comes into
their presence may wear, or if SIL and her mother are just
walking on eggshells around them and issuing these diktats in
case they might be offended. (I imagine we’ve all
experienced this syndrome in our own lives where people have
been running round saying, for example, ‘Shhh, please
don’t mention [such-and-such] to Gran, you’ll shock
her’ when in fact Gran doesn’t give a hoot.) It
could even be that in fact the in-laws’ in-laws have never
expected LW to dress specially for them, and always having seen
her in ‘modest’ clothing, have no idea that this
isn’t what she would normally wear.
#Post#: 68255--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: TootsNYC Date: July 15, 2021, 3:58 pm
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Modest dress is supposed to be about what YOU do, not about what
other people do.
You dress modestly because of your own beliefs, and the messages
YOU wish to send.
This would be the end. I would never dress particularly one way
or the other for them ever again.
I wouldn't go out of my way to choose clothing to shock them;
I'd just wear what I want.
One thing I wonder: Has the BIL's parents ever asked people to
dress any specific way?
#Post#: 68258--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Jem Date: July 15, 2021, 4:26 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2107.msg68255#msg68255
date=1626382721]
One thing I wonder: Has the BIL's parents ever asked people to
dress any specific way?
[/quote]
Oooohhhh, this makes me think I would insist on MY* preferred
dress code! Daisy dukes and tube tops for the ladies and mesh
tanks tops and jorts for the men FOR DINNER!!!!! For swimming
everyone wears a thong. No exceptions. It is offensive to me
that people would cover up their skin.
*Not really! Just for shock value purposes.
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